"Disaster Preparedness"

Man: ...OF CONCERN WHEN YOU HAVE HURRICANE WARNINGS.

THEY HAVE ALREADY STARTED SOME VOLUNTARY EVACUATIONS THERE.

Rose: IT IS CRAZY OUT THERE.

THERE IS A LINE TWO BLOCKS LONG OUTSIDE OF DUANE READE.

Man: ...SO PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO HEED THAT WARNING.

Rose: OH.

OH, YOU OKAY?

Becca: IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET WATER INTO PLASTIC BAGS.

THEY SAID ON NPR IT WAS A GOOD WAY TO FREEZE WATER IN CASE THE STORM BLEW IT OUT.

ANYWAY, IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO.

Rose: ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE OKAY.

Becca: THANK YOU.

Rose: I GOT OUR FAVORITE RIOJA AT WHOLE FOODS.

Becca: DID YOU GET THE BOTTLED WATER AND THE BATTERIES?

Rose: BECCA, IT'S A HURRICANE IN NEW YORK CITY.

THERE'S NO BOTTLED WATER OR BATTERIES.

I HAD TO FIGHT AN OLD LADY JUST TO GET THIS WINE.

Becca: I'M SURE SHE DESERVED IT.

Rose: SHE DID DESERVE IT.

Becca: OH, IT'S JEN AND DAN'S SAVE THE DATE.

OH, THAT'S GONNA BE A GOOD WEDDING.

Rose: I GOT TO GO PEE.

Becca: OH, ROSE, YOU DROPPED YOUR... [ SIREN WAILING ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ] Rose: HEY, BECCA, CAN YOU COME IN HERE?

Becca: DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Rose: WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

Becca: THEY SAID TO FILL THE BATHTUBS IN CASE THE WATER GETS KNOCKED OUT.

Rose: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

MM?

I'D RATHER DIE OF THIRST THAN HAVE TO DRINK GROSS BATH WATER.

Becca: YEAH, YOU SAY THAT NOW.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] Rose: JAMIE AND SARAH ARE AT A HURRICANE PARTY AT A BAR DOWNTOWN.

THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.

DARK AND STORMY'S TWO FOR ONE.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

Becca: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

Rose: HEY, COME HERE.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

Becca: WHAT IS IT?

Rose: A NAKED GUY JUST RAN INTO THE BAR SCREAMING "IT'S THE END OF DAYS."

LOOK.

JAMIE SENT ME A PICTURE.

Becca: YOU SHOULD TURN YOUR PHONE OFF TO SAVE BATTERY IN CASE THE POWER GETS SHUT OFF.

Rose: LET'S DRINK TO SOMETHING.

Becca: IS IT A SPECIAL OCCASION?

Rose: THE HURRICANE, SILLY.

Becca: OKAY, UM, TO SURVIVING THE STORM.

Rose: HOW ABOUT...TO A FUN NIGHT IN?

[ GLASSES CLINK ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ WIND HOWLING ] Becca: IT'S NOT TOO BAD YET.

I REALLY WISH OUR NEIGHBORS WOULD TAKE IN THEIR TERRACE FURNITURE.

IF THE WIND GETS ANY WORSE, IT'S GONNA COME RIGHT THROUGH OUR WINDOWS.

Rose: THEY WILL.

Becca: YOU THINK I SHOULD GO TALK TO THEM?

Rose: NO, NO.

THAT WOULD BE SO AWKWARD.

WE'VE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO THOSE PEOPLE.

Becca: YEAH, I KNOW.

THAT GIRL LOOKS SO ANNOYING, AND THE BOY LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WHO WOULD HAVE BEAT ME UP IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Rose: YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEAT UP.

Becca: YEAH, WELL, I THINK I-I THINK PEOPLE WANTED TO BEAT ME UP.

Rose: AW.

COME HERE, MY LITTLE HATE-CRIME VICTIM.

[ LAUGHS ] Becca: [ SIGHS ] SO...

THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE TOTALLY COOL ABOUT THIS, BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT.

Becca: NO, IT'S FINE.

IT'S PROBABLY REALLY GOOD.

Rose: YEAH.

OKAY.

I GOT A TATTOO.

[ LAUGHS ] Becca: OH.

WHEN DID YOU GET IT?

Rose: ON MY LUNCH BREAK.

Becca: OKAY.

SO, THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING AND YOU'RE LIKE, "SHOULD I GET WATER AND BATTERIES?

I THINK INSTEAD I'M JUST GONNA GO PAY SOMEBODY TO INJECT INK INTO A PERMANENT WOUND ON MY BODY."

Rose: IT'S SO WEIRD, 'CAUSE THAT IS -- THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.

Becca: IS IT?

IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT?

-Rose: THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT.

-Becca: GREAT.

Rose: DO YOU WANT TO SEE THIS TATTOO?

Becca: UH, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME.

Rose: I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST WANTED TO DO IT.

Becca: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE TELLING ME?

Rose: DON'T BE MAD.

GOSH.

PLAY A GAME WITH ME.

Becca: OKAY, UM...HOW ABOUT "TRUTH OR TRUTH"?

Rose: HOW ABOUT "WOULD YOU RATHER"?

WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE NO ARMS OR NO LEGS?

Becca: YOU KNOW DISMEMBERMENT IS ONE OF MY GREATEST FEARS.

Rose: [ LAUGHS ] COME ON, PLAY WITH ME.

Becca: NO ARMS.

Rose: REALLY?

HOW WOULD YOU HAVE SEX?

Becca: UH, A LOT OF MOUTH STUFF, I GUESS.

Rose: YEAH.

Becca: WOULD YOU STILL DATE ME IF I HAD NO ARMS?

Rose: PROBABLY NOT.

Becca: WAIT, WHAT IF WE WERE MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS AND A TRAGIC ACCIDENT OCCURRED AND I LOST BOTH MY ARMS?

Rose: [ CLEARS THROAT ] DIVORCE.

Rose: ALL RIGHT.

WOULD YOU RATHER...HAVE TO MARRY ONE RANDOM PERSON FOREVER OR HAVE TO MARRY A NEW RANDOM PERSON EACH YEAR?

Becca: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RANDOM?

Rose: THE UNIVERSE IS JUST GONNA ASSIGN YOU A RANDOM PERSON AND YOU CAN EITHER BE STUCK WITH ONE PERSON FOREVER OR HAVE TO MARRY A NEW PERSON EVERY YEAR.

Becca: UH, I GUESS I'D MARRY ONE RANDOM PERSON.

Rose: I'D MARRY A NEW PERSON EVERY YEAR.

-Becca: REALLY?

-Rose: YEAH.

Becca: WELL, WHAT IF YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THEM?

THEN YOU WOULD JUST HAVE TO LEAVE AND GO MARRY THE NEXT RANDO.

Rose: BUT MAYBE I'D FALL IN LOVE WITH THE NEXT ONE, TOO.

Becca: YOU'D BE OKAY WITH JUST MOVING ONTO THE NEXT PERSON?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

THE FURNITURE'S STILL OUT THERE.

I'M GONNA GO TALK TO THEM.

Rose: YOU ARE SO NEUROTIC.

Becca: OH, YEAH, WELL, IF THAT'S SUCH A PROBLEM FOR YOU, WHY DON'T YOU JUST MOVE ONTO THE NEXT RANDOM PERSON?

MAYBE SHE'LL LOVE YOUR SECRET TATTOOS AND WON'T WORRY ABOUT STUPID THINGS LIKE DISASTER PREPAREDNESS.

Rose: YEAH, YOU KNOW, AND MAYBE SHE'LL ALSO WANT TO HAVE SEX...AS OPPOSED TO WORRYING ABOUT THE WEATHER!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I CANNOT BELIEVE... Becca: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Rose: HMM?

SEXY LINGERIE FOR TONIGHT.

Becca: NO, ROSE... [ DOOR SLAMS ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ BUZZES ] [ WIND HOWLING ] [ THUNDER CRASHES ] LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

Rose: NOPE.

Becca: THAT'S FOR EMERGENCIES.

Rose: MMM.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] OH!

OH!

MMM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Becca: TAPING THE WINDOWS SO THEY DON'T SHATTER.

Rose: THAT'S NOT A THING.

Becca: I JUST READ ABOUT IT IN THE BOOK.

Rose: LET ME HELP.

Becca: IT'S FINE!

I GOT IT!

YOU'RE DRUNK.

Rose: I'M NOT DRUNK.

Becca: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Rose: OH!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TONIGHT?

Becca: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TONIGHT?

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE STORM, AND NOW YOU DO?

I THOUGHT YOU AND I WERE "FINE," AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU WANT TO MARRY RANDOM PEOPLE?

Rose: [ LAUGHS ] BECCA.

Becca: I KNOW ABOUT STANFORD.

Rose: WHAT?

IS THAT A WINE STAIN?

Becca: WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME?

-Rose: I JUST FOUND OUT.

-Becca: ... YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME YOU WERE APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL.

Rose: I DIDN'T THINK THAT I WAS GONNA GET IN.

Becca: HOW WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?

WERE YOU GONNA ASK ME TO MOVE THERE WITH YOU?

DID YOU WANT TO TRY LONG DISTANCE?

DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?

BECAUSE EMOTIONALLY, I NEED TO PREPARE FOR ANY OF THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Rose: I'M TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

Becca: ...YOU.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME?

HEY.

SO, YOU CAN MAKE A LIFELONG COMMITMENT TO A TATTOO, BUT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AFTER THREE YEARS TOGETHER.

Rose: I HAVE A RIGHT TO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT I WANT.

MAYBE -- MAYBE I DO WANT TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL.

MAYBE -- MAYBE I WANT TO GO TO AFRICA.

Becca: [ LAUGHS ] AFRICA?

YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK BATHTUB WATER.

Rose: WELL, MAYBE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO SIT AROUND HERE STARING AT YOUR FRIEND'S FACES AND...

THINKING ABOUT HOW FUN IT IS TO GO TO THEIR STUPID WEDDING!

Becca: STOP IT!

WHO ARE YOU?

I THOUGHT WE HAD A FUTURE TOGETHER, BUT NOW APPARENTLY YOU'RE LIVING SOME SECRET LIFE WHERE YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO AND YOU MARRY RANDOM PEOPLE AND YOU STUDY CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY.

Rose: ACTUALLY, STANFORD'S IN PALO ALTO.

Becca: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME.

Rose: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO YOU.

I'M WITH YOU NOW.

I'M NOT READY TO START MAKING PLANS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Becca: WE CAN'T EVEN PLAN FOR A...STORM, SO...

IT'S NOT SO COMPLICATED.

WOULD YOU RATHER STAY TOGETHER OR BREAK UP?

[ BUZZES ] -Rose: ARE WE STILL FIGHTING?

-Becca: [ SIGHS ] [ GLASS SHATTERS ] Rose: BE CAREFUL.

WHERE'S THE FLASHLIGHT?

Becca: YOU DIDN'T GET BATTERIES, REMEMBER?

OW!

Rose: DID YOU CUT YOURSELF?

LET ME SEE.

Becca: IT'S OKAY.

I DIDN'T CUT OFF MY ENTIRE ARM, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE ME YET.

[ WIND HOWLING ] THAT'S IT.

I REFUSE TO BE MURDERED BY A SET OF IKEA PATIO FURNITURE.

Rose: BECCA!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ KNOCK AT DOOR ] Becca: [ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ] THINK THEY UNDERSTOOD ME.

Rose: LET ME SEE.

LET ME SEE YOUR HAND.

Becca: IT'S FINE.

Rose: STAY RIGHT THERE.

COME HERE.

WASH IT UP.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] IT'S A GOOD THING YOU GOT THIS.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ HORN HONKS ] [ HORN HONKS ] Rose: DO YOU REMEMBER YOU USED TO CALL ME THORNY ROSE?

THIRSTY?

[ FAUCET HUMMING ] I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT.

Becca: ME TOO.