[SIGHS] HA!
[ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP] Girl: YOU'’’RE DEAD.
[ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP] Boy: YOU'’’RE NOT GOING TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY.
I'’’M GOING TO KILL YOU.
HEY, LET'’’S NOT BURN THE PLACE DOWN, OK?
SORRY, MISS LIN.
SORRY, SAM.
Sam: I DON'’’T EVEN THINK THOSE THINGS ARE LEGAL.
Woman: ACTUALLY, I CHECKED.
THEY CAME OFF THE BANNED LIST TWO YEARS AGO.
Different woman: PLACES, EVERYBODY.
Boy: I'’’M GONNA MAKE YOU BLEED.
[ZAPPING] [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] Sam: ♪ HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ ♪ HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ ♪ WE'’’RE SO HAPPY ♪ ♪ IN THE HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ ♪ TAKE YOUR PILLS ♪ ♪ CLOSE THE DOOR ♪ ♪ WHEN DANGER COMES ♪ ♪ JUST HIT THE FLOOR ♪ [SIREN] ♪ OUTSIDE, IT'’’S SCARY ♪ ♪ BUT IN HERE, IT'’’S FINE ♪ ♪ SAFE WITH FRIENDS ♪ ♪ HAVING FUN ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ ♪ HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ ♪ WE'’’RE SO HAPPY ♪ ♪ IN THE HAPPY FUN ROOM ♪ HI, EVERYBODY.
I'’’M SUPER SAMMY, AND IT'’’S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN THE HAPPY FUN ROOM.
DON'’’T FORGET, CLOSE THE DOOR... AND LOCK IT.
THEN GIVE YOURSELF A STICKER.
SAFETY IS FUN.
[SIRENS AND KLAXONS] Robot voice: HIT THE DECK RIGHT NOW.
OH!
SORRY.
HA HA HA!
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
CUT!
[GIRL LAUGHING] Boy: COME ON.
I TELL PEOPLE WHAT SHOW I WORK FOR, AND LITERALLY 9 TIMES OUT OF 10, THEY SAY, "THAT'’’S STILL ON?"
SO, YEAH, I'’’M LOOKING.
I MEAN, JESUS, JUST LOOK AT THE RATINGS?
IF YOU HEAR ABOUT ANYTHING OPENING UP-- [ZAPPING] Girl: HA HA HA!
WHAT TIME IS IT?
OK. GREAT.
THAT WAS GREAT, BUT NEXT TIME, INSTEAD OF GOING, "AAH!"
TRY THINKING ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY SCARED.
I MEAN, THIS IS ACTUALLY SERIOUS STUFF WE'’’RE TALKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW?
LITTLE KIDS WATCH THE SHOW, AND THEY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THE WORLD.
THAT'’’S YOUR JOB.
YOU'’’RE THE BIG KIDS.
YOU'’’RE HELPING THEM STAY SAFE.
[ZAPPING AND EXPLOSIONS] YOU GUYS LISTENING?
YEAH, YEAH.
HELPING THEM STAY SAFE.
GOT IT.
LOOK.
NOT TOO LONG AGO, A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT HURT.
THEY SAY THEY FIXED THINGS, BUT WE'’’RE STILL SURROUNDED BY THE SAME-- [ZAPPING AND EXPLOSIONS] YOU EVER SEE ONE OF THESE IN REAL LIFE?
IT'’’S JUST A GAME.
[ZAPPING] HEY.
MY WHOLE FAMILY WAS CAUGHT IN PHOENIX.
I SPENT 3 WEEKS HIDING IN A FOOT LOCKER WHILE UPSTAIRS-- SAM...
KIDS ARE OFF THE CLOCK IN 20 MINUTES.
[SIRENS AND KLAXONS] Robot voice: HIT THE DECK RIGHT NOW.
Kids: AAH!
[CLANGING FOOTSTEPS] [WHIRRING] HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA!
[CLANG] HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
Boy: HA HA HA!
KEEP ROLLING.
[WHIR] HEY, KIDS, IT'’’S ALL RIGHT.
I'’’M JUST PRETENDING TO BE A MONITOR, BUT YOU DID JUST THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE IF YOU'’’D RESISTED, I MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT YOU WERE... [ROBOT VOICE] BAD GUY.
[CHIMES] [WHIR WHIR] CUT.
Woman: IT'’’S NOT WORKING, SAM.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
THE KIDS KEPT LAUGHING.
WE'’’LL GET IT RIGHT TOMORROW.
THAT'’’S NOT REALLY-- LOOK, SAM.
BURBANK HAS SCHEDULED ANOTHER MEETING FOR THURSDAY.
ANOTHER?
WHAT, YOU GUYS ARE HAVING MEETINGS ABOUT THIS?
LOOK.
COME ON, SAM.
THE RATINGS.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
JUST RECORD THE HEIMLICH BIT.
THAT'’’S EVERGREEN.
EVERYBODY LOVES THAT.
WE SHOULD'’’VE DONE IT YEARS AGO, AND, WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS, WE CAN USE IT IN ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF WAYS.
WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS?
WE'’’LL FIGURE OUT THE REST LATER, OK?
DON'’’T WORRY.
I'’’M NOT WORRIED.
GOOD.
YOU'’’RE BEAUTIFUL, SAM.
BURBANK LOVES YOU.
WORLD IS CHANGING, BUT WE'’’VE ALL BEEN THROUGH WORSE, NOBODY MORE THAN YOU, HUH?
SO LET'’’S JUST SWING RIGHT ALONG WITH IT, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
Woman: HELLO?
HELLO?
HI.
I'’’M HERE.
SORRY.
WE ARE SHORT TONIGHT.
NO DELIVERY.
WHAT?
NO.
LOOK.
I'’’LL PAY EXTRA.
LOOK.
SORRY.
WE JUST DON'’’T HAVE ANYONE.
CAN YOU COME PICK UP?
[SIREN] Woman: HEY, BOSS, GOT THE NEWS-- HEIMLICH BIT, RIGHT?
SET UP THE COP SCENE.
OH, I MADE YOU LAUGH.
YEAH, BUT... Woman ZIP ZOP.
READY?
LET'’’S DO IT.
COME ON.
STAND IN A LINE RIGHT HERE.
[SIGHS] GOOD.
OK. ALL EYES UP.
GONNA DO A SCENE.
THE ONLY WAY IT'’’S GONNA WORK IS IF YOU'’’RE REALLY SCARED, OK?
IT'’’S REALLY IMPORTANT, OK?
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN... [ALL INHALE] AND EXHALE.
[ALL EXHALE] NOW THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY SCARED.
[PBBT] [LAUGHTER] DON'’’T LAUGH.
[CHUCKLES] WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE.
[LAUGHTER] I'’’M WATCHING YOU.
WIPE THE SMILE OFF YOUR FACE.
Girl: HA HA HA!
DON'’’T LAUGH.
DON'’’T YOU DARE LAUGH.
YOU'’’RE SO STUPID.
YOU'’’RE HERE EVERY DAY WHEN I'’’M SCREAMING THESE WARNINGS AT YOU, AND YOU JUST DON'’’T GET IT.
YOU LISTENING TO ME?
THE WORLD IS NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
WHEN THOSE ROBOTS KICKED DOWN THE DOOR, THEY SHOT MY SISTER HERE, HERE, AND HERE.
HER FACE EXPLODED.
THIS WORLD IS GOING TO EAT YOU.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
IT'’’S GOING TO KILL YOU.
EVERYTHING THAT YOU THINK IS SO SAFE AND FUNNY AND HELPFUL IS A SHARP BLADE READY TO CUT YOUR STUPID EYES OUT.
THAT'’’S IT.
THAT'’’S IT.
THAT'’’S WHAT I'’’M TALKING ABOUT.
ROLL.
ACTION.
CAMERA.
COME ON.
LET'’’S GO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'’’RE DOING?
OH, IT'’’S OK, SWEETIE.
I'’’M HERE.
EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE FINE.
DON'’’T WORRY.
YOU'’’RE SAFE HERE.
COME ON, BABY.
LET'’’S GO HOME.
COME WITH MOMMY.
COME ON.
LET'’’S GO.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING] [SNIFFLES]