Season 5 Episode 4 | 11m 57s | Video has closed captioning.
Can a new bartending robot help patrons drown their sorrows, all while keeping them from harming themselves? He soon learns his mission may be next to impossible. A film by Alex Rivera.
Aired: 08/04/14
Expires: 05/14/24
Man: MEET THE NEW M-1 LABOR SYSTEM, POWERED BY MALIC INTELLIGENCE.
FOR THESE ROBOTS TO TAKE ON THE MOST COMPLEX TASKS, THEY MUST BE GUARANTEED SAFE, AND THIS UNIT IS, WITH CORE PROGRAMMING DEDICATED TO THE FIRST COMMAND.
Robot: HELLO.
HA HA HA!
WHAT DO I THINK?
I THINK I'’’D BUY BATTERIES FROM IT BUT NOT A MARTINI.
WELL...
I'’’M NOT SURE HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT...
HE'’’LL BE READY TO TAKE OVER IN A WEEK.
YOU'’’RE FIRING ME, HAL?
WELL, LOOK AT THIS AS A CHANCE TO PRESS RESET ON YOUR CAREER, DOLORES.
7 SHAKES, JUST LIKE LAST TIME.
WASN'’’T THAT, LIKE, TWO MONTHS AGO?
9 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS.
MONICA MARTINEZ.
I'’’VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN THAT LOVELY DRESS BEFORE.
LEMON DROP WITH A TWIST OF LIME AGAIN?
ARE YOU MARRIED?
NO.
MY ONLY COMMITMENT IS TO SAFETY.
Monica: WELL, SHE'’’S A VERY LUCKY ROBOT.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU, FRIEND?
¿QUE LE OFREZCO, AMIGO?
JESUS.
OF COURSE IT SPEAKS SPANISH, TOO.
I CAN SPEAK EVERY LANGUAGE EXCEPT THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
I'’’M GONNA NEED SOMETHING STIFF.
KAMIKAZE, NEAT.
GOOD CHOICE.
HEY, ROBO-MOP.
Sal: GOOD WORK TODAY.
Robot: I DIDN'’’T KNOW OTHER UNITS WERE WORKING HERE.
HMM?
HOW LONG HAS THIS MUSICAL ROBOT BEEN HERE?
OH, WELL, MY OLD MAN GOT THAT PROBABLY 50 YEARS AGO, AND WE HAVEN'’’T WASTED A DIME ON MUSICIANS SINCE.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[GUITARS PLAYING] Woman: A ROBOT MAY NOT INJURE A PERSON OR ALLOW A PERSON TO BE INJURED.
GLORIA, HOW'’’S THE DIVORCE GOING?
FINE, I GUESS.
IS JUAN ENJOYING HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND?
I HURT YOU.
I'’’M SORRY.
IT WON'’’T HAPPEN AGAIN.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING ON THE HOUSE?
[DOOR OPENS] WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, LITTLE MONSTER?
HIDING.
HELP!
Sal: ALL RIGHT, LADY!
[LIQUID FLOWING] Robot: HELLO, MOTHER.
Woman: HELLO, SON.
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS INJURY?
TO CAUSE HARM, TO HURT, TO DISTRESS, TO WOUND.
WHAT AM I TO DO WHEN PEOPLE INJURE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME?
WHAT THE HELL?
Man: R2-DRINK-2?
[CHUCKLING] I THINK HE NEEDS A SCREWDRIVER.
WHAT'’’S GOING ON?
COME ON NOW.
BACK TO WORK, BUDDY.
Man: HEY, MAN, LESS TALKING, MORE DRINKING.
Woman: FORGET THIS.
I WANT A REFUND.
LISTEN TO ME, GOD DAMN IT.
I COMMAND YOU.
GET BACK TO WORK!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?
MAYBE HE NEEDS A RAISE.
GET BACK TO WORK, YOU WORTHLESS HUNK OF JUNK!
Woman: THAT'’’S RIGHT.
PARA QUE APRENDAN.
[GLASS BREAKS] HA HA HA!
[WOMAN, INDISTINCT] I DON'’’T BLAME YOU.
WAKE UP!
[SLAP] [CHATTER] [DOOR OPENS] IT'’’S ABOUT TIME.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO IT?
WELL, THAT'’’S MY QUESTION.
HE JUST SAT DOWN RIGHT THERE.
HE QUIT.
WELL, THERE'’’S BEEN A SYSTEM-WIDE COLLAPSE.
THE SYSTEM SAYS IT STARTED HERE.
ODD.
THE ALGORITHMS ARE STILL PROCESSING.
HUH?
UH, THE CORE IS STILL ACTIVE.
COME AGAIN?
HE'’’S NOT BROKEN.
[BEEPING] WHAT DID YOU DO?
ME?
NOTHING!
TIN MAN WENT ON STRIKE.
AFTER YOU ASKED IT TO KILL SOMEONE, MAYBE?
WHAT?
THE FIRST COMMAND: A ROBOT CANNOT INJURE A HUMAN BEING.
THAT'’’S WHY HE BROKE DOWN.
HE WAS INJURING PEOPLE.
HOW DID YOU GET HIM TO DO IT?
LADY, THIS ROBOT WASN'’’T HURTING ANYBODY.
HE WAS WORKING, UNDERSTAND?
OR YOU GOT TO STICK A CABLE IN MY HEAD TO GET THE PICTURE?
THIS IS A SOURCE FILE-- UH, A DOCUMENT OF THE VIOLATION.
AND I HAVE TO WARN YOU, THE POLICE HAVE BEEN ALERTED.
Man: AND I LOOK AROUND AT ALL THESE PEOPLE.
NONE OF THEM ARE GONNA HAVE A JOB EITHER.
Robot: IS THAT SO?
Man: OH, YEAH.
SO THEY'’’LL EVENTUALLY BE REPLACED BY SOMETHING LIKE YOU.
[CHUCKLES] Robot: NOT SURE I FOLLOW.
Man: LOOK.
I USED TO HAVE A FAMILY.
I TOOK CARE OF THEM WITH SOMETHING CALLED A JOB.
THEN... YOU CAME ALONG.
I WAS REPLACED BY ANOTHER VERSION OF YOU.
AND NOW I... HAVE NO GODDAMN IDEA WHAT I'’’M GONNA DO.
Robot: WHAT DID YOU DO FOR WORK, ARTURO, IF YOU DON'’’T MIND MY ASKING?
I WAS A BARTENDER.
