>> Tonight, a special presentation from Frontline and Independent Lens.
A new film from David Sutherland, the critically acclaimed director of The Farmer's Wife and Country Boys.
>>I am a Dakota from the Spirit Lake Nation.
My Indian name is CantéWastéWin.
That means "Kind Hearted Woman."
>> From a forgotten corner of the American landscape comes the story of a courageous woman fighting for a better life for her family.
>>I am divorced, and I have two kids.
No matter how much pressure I'm under, I'm going to keep this family together.
>> Robin Charboneau grew up on a reservation, suffering at the hands of her foster family.
>>I was torn and ripped into pieces by people I called "Dad," uncles.
>> Now her worst fear has been realized.
>>She just started crying.
And then I knew that her dad was messing around with her.
>> And her tribe has betrayed her.
>>The tribe came and took my kids.
I always knew the tribal court system was bad, but I didn't think it was this bad.
>> Tonight... >>Did Auntie tell you who I hooked up with?
>>No.
>>Darren Spoon.
>> New conflicts... >>It just hurts, just hurts to be with you.
>>I'm not the type of woman who is going to let you talk like that to me anymore.
>> New struggles... >>I found myself in the psych ward again.
>>I never knew she could get so depressed.
>> And new triumphs.
>>Thank you, guys.
Thank you all for listening.
>>Do you, Robin, take Darren to be your husband from this day forward?
>>I do.
Darren, you are everything to me.
You're everything to my kids.
>> Tonight, Part 2 of Kind Hearted Woman, a special Frontline/Independent Lens presentation.
>> Anpetu waste!
Good afternoon, Mni Wakan Oyate!
You're listening to the Montana Man, right here on KABU, heartbeat of the Spirit Lake Nation.
It is 12 degrees outside, the sun is shining, it is a good day!
>>(Robin sighs) >>And it's going to get even hotter tonight, because tonight it's round dance time!
>>ROBIN: It's been five months since my kids were taken from me, and I miss them terribly.
>>Good afternoon, Ackre Law Firm.
Yes.
Could I take a message for him?
Okay.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
>>Hey, Robin.
How are you doing?
>>ROBIN: Frustrated.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: Have you heard anything?
About my kids?
>>Called the court today.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Judge Gipp planned to get an order out today on this case, but they couldn't guarantee anything.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Tribal Social Services, Monique had her opportunit to present to the court any evidence she had... >>ROBIN: She doesn't have it.
>>To show the court that reunifying the children now with you is not in the children's best interest.
She didn't present anything.
>>ROBIN: Uh-uh.
>>The bottom line is, is you don't have your kids, and I don't understand why you don't have them.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>It seems like Tribal Social Services is working against you.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Judge Gipp, at page five ordered that... specifically ordered that Spirit Lake Tribal Social Services immediately schedule weekly supervised visits between you and your children as part of the reunification efforts.
>>ROBIN: It's not been done.
>>What type of reunification plan does Spirit Lake Tribal Services have?
>>ROBIN: None.
>>So finally you visit the children for a couple hours?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And your children told you, "We stayed at Dad's house last night?"
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Okay?
And I asked Monique why she arranged contact between Anthon and Darian after directives from the FBI saying keep those two apart, and she had no excuse, did she?
>>ROBIN: Other than it was her supervisor.
>>The children wanted it.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Right?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Of course we didn't know the children had stayed with Anthony the night before too.
>>ROBIN: No.
>>So then you did call the U.S. Attorney and inform the U.S. Attorney that we just had a custody hearing.
It's about possible sexual abuse of your daughter by the father.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And that Tribal Social Services actually placed your children with your ex-husband recently.
And it sure seems like the federal investigators' hands must be tied.
They said nothing.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So I don't feel comfortable how this thing's unfolding.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Okay.
And now we have been told your ex-husband might have to register as a sex offender?
>>ROBIN: About what he did to Jodie.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: Who used to be my foster child.
>>Did you know anything was going on?
>>ROBIN: I had my suspicions.
>>Did you report it?
>>ROBIN: Yes, I did.
>>Who'd you report it to?
>>ROBIN: Social Services.
>>Did they do an investigation?
>>ROBIN: No.
>>So now they're prosecuting the Jodie case, they're ignoring Darian's case, as far as you know.
>>ROBIN: I haven't heard nothing on Darian.
>>Maybe that's why no one from the FBI will talk to you.
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh, yeah.
>>Obviously they aren't responding to me.
>>ROBIN: Uh-uh.
All right.
Well, thanks for seeing me today and I'll... >>There's an emotional hole.
You don't know how to respond, do you?
>>ROBIN: I have no idea, because it's just getting frustrated.
I sit at home and I cry and cry and cry, but it doesn't do any good.
So I'm getting just worn out.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And not getting anywhere.
>>Well... let's cross our fingers toda something's going to happen.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>I seen Jodie at the federal courthouse and the people that had been selected for the grand jury were just starting to walk out.
Um, they must have been deciding whether or not they were going to take Robin's ex-husband to court or not.
So this woman come walking up to us and she must have thought the woman I was with was Robin's foster daughter Jodie, and she said, "She did such a good job and she is so strong.
The grand jury believed her."
Whatever Jodie had told them was convincing enough for them to agree that Robin's ex-husband Anthony should go to trial in federal court for what he did to both girls.
>>Realizing, after she testified, how well Robin's foster daughter did, I knew that this was the additional piece that we needed to make this case.
The case wasn't strong enough based upon all of Robin's issues with alcohol.
So I decided to link the cases between Robin's daughter and the foster daughter together in one charging document and proceed to trial on both cases.
I felt that that would be the most logical way to advance and to give the jury enough to look at, to see the true side of Anthony Charboneau.
>>ROBIN: Hoa.
Hoa.
(Native American music playing) >>ROBIN: After Anthony was indicted, everything started to fall into place.
I got the kids back.
Tribal Social Services couldn't prove that I was an unfit mother.
When I went to pick them up, the kids were crying, "No, Mom, we don't want to go with you."
I felt terrible, but I was going to bring them home.
No matter what.
>>Hello.
>>ROBIN: So how was school today?
>>Good.
>>ROBIN: What'd you do today?
>>Um, had school.
>>ROBIN: Still crabby?
>>No.
>>ROBIN: Oh, okay.
>>I finished all my homework.
>>ROBIN: I did my homework last night.
>>Really?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
I was up all night.
Watched the movie Thirteen.
>>Yeah, I know.
>>ROBIN: Oh my god, that mom in that movie.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: You are so going to be saying, "Mom, that's you."
>>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: My teacher wanted me to watch it with you.
>>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: Probably have to do a report.
Have you watched it?
>>Yeah, it's on Lifetime.
>>ROBIN: Huh?
>>It's on Lifetime.
>>ROBIN: Oh.
Huh.
Wonder if your brother's home.
>>Whoa.
(coughing) >>ROBIN: I can't imagine how my kids were treated when the were in foster homes.
They are confused.
They are scared.
They're everything.
My son, he cries out "Mom" two or three times a night like he was looking for me.
>>Too hard, it's okay.
I'm tired.
>>ROBIN: It's really hard to hear your kids suffer.
So I didn't ask the kids about how their foster homes were.
That stuff will come out when they're ready to talk about it.
>>Hi, Mom.
>>ROBIN: Hey.
>>Hey.
>>ROBIN: How was school?
>>Good.
>>ROBIN: Take your jacket off.
There's a burrito there for you.
So what did you do today?
>>Learned how to subtract and add.
>>ROBIN: Mm... >>What?
>>ROBIN: Pop.
>>Oh.
Add fractions.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And in Social Studies we made a poster of the pioneers, and the plains, and everything.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
Is it nice outside?
>>Not really.
>>ROBIN: Do you have any homework?
>>We're supposed to finish the booklet.
>>ROBIN: Did you?
>>Kind of.
I figured out the topic.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And I figured out what I wanted about it and everything.
>>ROBIN: Did you ask your friends for any of their numbers so you can... >>They're busy.
>>ROBIN: They're busy?
Did you make any friends?
>>Uh-uh.
>>ROBIN: Did you talk to people?
>>No, not really.
>>ROBIN: So you didn't make any friends?
>>No, I don't know.
>>ROBIN: You have dishes tonight.
>>I do?
>>ROBIN: Yes, you do.
Garbage.
>>Oh, I'm bad at that.
>>ROBIN: I want you to go to bed early because I have to study.
>>All right.
I love you.
>>ROBIN: Goodnight.
I love you.
>>Goodnight, Mom.
>>ROBIN: Oh god.
I'm so busy.
I feel lost.
>>All right.
So let's start with one through 11, all B.
And 12 is A.
>>ROBIN: Um, gosh.
I'm sorry.
>>Have you taken the test yet?
>>ROBIN: Um, have I?
No.
>>You're going to have to wait outside until we're finished going over it.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Come back quarter to four?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Thanks.
Holy.
>>So 12 is A because the wife is the whore.
She sees herself sexualized, sexually, this guy wants her.
>>ROBIN: The clock is ticking on school and I've dug myself into a really big hole again.
I'm having a hard time managing all of my responsibilities with my kids and school.
The only time I have to study is when my kids are sleeping.
(sighing) I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Yes.
But I have to.
>>Well, thank you for letting me know.
>>Yeah.
>>In the future, let me know what's going on.
>>Oh, okay.
>>And I feel for you, but at the same time, you're going to need to keep up.
>>Yeah.
>>You know what I mean?
And if you have stuff, come talk to me, okay?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>All right.
Hey, Robin.
>>ROBIN: Hello.
Um...
I haven't been here 'cause I've been fighting a really bad custody battle and I got my kids all of a sudden.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: So I had to get them registered for classes.
>>Mm-hmm.
Yup.
>>ROBIN: So, um, I need to figure out how to get caught up.
>>I want to work with you.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Just like any other student.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>You know?
And, um, I'm glad you're talking to me today.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Bottom line is, from an academic standpoint, I gotta be fair too.
You know what I mean?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So, um, what I'm going to ask you to do is probably schedule some time in my office.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>So we can go over things you've missed and, um, have you been able to get the notes from anybody?
>>ROBIN: Um, I can get them.
>>'Cause there's some important stuff on the horizon here we're working with.
And I have some handouts I'm going to need to get you too.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: All right.
>>All right.
>>ROBIN: Thanks.
>>Thank you.
Those of you that were gone on Monday... >>ROBIN: It's so hectic.
It's so hard.
(sighing) >>Mom?
>>ROBIN: Yes?
>>What are you doing?
>>ROBIN: I'm studying.
I have a test coming up.
>>For what?
>>ROBIN: Social work.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: I'm going to make the system work.
Make the families work.
Try to, anyway.
>>What if they don't want to?
>>ROBIN: Then that's a choice they make, but I'm going to help them.
>>Well, what if the parents absolutely can't get along?
You know, like you and Dad?
They can't even look at each other?
>>ROBIN: Oh.
You know, Dar, there's parents who want to try to get along, they just don't know how.
And, you know when Social Services took you guys from me, if I wasn't as strong in my sobriety as I was at the time, and as determined as I was to get you back home here... >>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: I would have given up and started drinking.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: I would have.
And not once did Social Services offer anything, Darian, that could help us.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN (crying): And not once did I get a call saying: "Robin, what can we do to help bring your kids home?"
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: On Christmas, I was shopping for you, not knowing when you were going to get to see it and when I was going to get to give it to you.
And not once did I get to hold you and tell you, "Darian, I love you.
Darian, it's going to be okay."
I prayed for you every single night.
So what if Mom would have got to do that to you, huh?
Look at me, my girl.
Come here.
If I would have just been able to do this.
And tell you, "Baby girl, it's okay to cry.
It's okay.
It's okay to be all snotty.
(laughing) It's okay, Darian."
>>So what happens if you don't pass the test?
>>ROBIN: I don't know, but I gotta figure out a way to cheat on this sucker.
(laughing) >>Oh my gosh, Mom.
I cheat.
>>ROBIN: Cheating's never good.
Don't you ever cheat!
>>Sure.
Never ever, Mom.
(phone ringing) >>ROBIN: Hello?
>>Hello?
>>ROBIN: Hey, where the hell have you been?
>>Oh, I was really busy.
>>ROBIN: Oh.
Auntie tell you who I hooked up with?
>>No.
>>ROBIN: Darren Spoon.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
He's tiny and I met him through his mom.
>>Oh, really?
>>ROBIN: It was just supposed to be, you know, a wham-bam-thank you, ma'am.
>>(laughing) >>ROBIN: But... >>Oh, okay.
>>ROBIN: Pretty soon on his Facebook page it said "in a relationship."
>>Technology, hmm?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
So my face is pasted on Darren's Facebook.
So then I guess I'm in a relationship.
(laughing) >>Oh, jeez.
>>ROBIN: He drives from Canada to Fargo.
>>Really?
>>ROBIN: He's my little Canadian man.
>>Oh, okay.
>>ROBIN: I don't know if you've seen him.
He's got glasses.
And he's tiny.
(laughing) >>ROBIN: Darren's not coming until 9:00, 10:00.
I'm going to be getting ready soon.
>>You nervous?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
He's here.
>>Okay, talk to you later.
>>ROBIN: Bye.
>>Good morning, Robin.
>>ROBIN: You got here early.
>>Check it out.
>>ROBIN: Oh my god.
>>Take one.
>>ROBIN: Take one?
(laughing) >>Or you could take all of them if you want.
>>ROBIN: Hm...
This is nice.
>>Yeah.
You might need to shine them up a little bit.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>That ring might fit you.
But I wanted you to have the other one.
Because of the, you know... >>ROBIN: The D?
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: D for Darren?
>>It's one of those things with... >>ROBIN: Whoa.
So, claiming me pretty quick here, huh?
(laughing) >>ROBIN: Darren is 38, short, romantic.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Not the type I've dated in the past.
I can just get it sized down?
>>Yeah, whatever.
Try the other one on.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
This one?
>>Yeah, beautiful.
>>ROBIN: It's going to look like a wedding ring, I'm really going to have explaining to do.
>>Not if you wear it on that finger.
>>ROBIN: Yes.
>>I really love you.
>>ROBIN: Oh, it's too damn early.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: He's so nice.
Lord of the Rings?
He's a child protection worker and studied a little bit of law.
>>Did you want this one then?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Yeah, you know, wear the ring around your neck.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
It fits though.
>>You know, I want you to wear my ring.
I really like you.
>>ROBIN: I'll have to get it sized down.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: There you go.
>>Actually, I love you.
And, you know... >>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Huh?
But you like them?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
Yup.
There you go.
Yup, great.
>>What's this?
>>ROBIN: You can wear that one.
>>I can wear this one?
>>ROBIN: I want you to have that one.
>>Mm...
I feel a little overdressed now.
I love you, honey.
>>ROBIN: I'm so happy that you're here.
>>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: But I have so much studying to do.
>>Oh yeah, you have that sociology test, right?
>>ROBIN: Tomorrow.
And I am in trouble in school.
>>You look so beautiful.
(kiss) (birds squawking) (radio theme music playing) >>From NPR News, this is "All Things Considered ."
>>In Fargo, North Dakota, rising flood waters broke a record that has stood for more than a century.
The Red River is now a few inches above the 40 foot crest of 1897.
FEMA's acting administrator Nancy Warden was touring the area today and promised federal support to flood relief efforts.
Authorities laid out dry areas of the city where people would be allowed to return.
>>ROBIN: Hm... We had to evacuate Fargo-Moorhead for five days.
I didn't have school because of the flooding and took my kids back to the reservation immediately.
A lot's been going on in the past month.
Darian has court coming up for the federal charges against her dad.
I'm really, really scared about that for her.
I don't want her to regress from all of the progress she's made since she came home.
My son Anthony... it hurts to see him suffer.
(Anthony crying) >>ROBIN: And to not be able to comfort him.
Anthony has a hard time not being able to see his dad.
He is sad and has a lot of anger built up inside of him.
>>This stupid thing.
>>ROBIN: Last night my son was angry again.
He was looking for somebody to blame for that anger he carries with him, missing his dad.
>>Hm... >>ROBIN: I told him, your dad touched your sister in a bad way.
>>Whoa.
>>ROBIN: She'd never lie about your dad like that.
He looked at Darian, he told her, "So it's your fault I can't see my dad!"
Darian started crying.
I said, "None of this is your sister's fault.
Your dad's sick right now."
And he said, "Mom, if I... what if I get sick like my dad?
Are you going to lock me up and forget about me too? "
(sighs) And I told him, "Anthony," I said, "I've...
I never forget about you."
He also said, "Well, you did when we weren't here."
I told him that everything I did when they were gone was to get them back.
To bring them home and that every moment of every da they weren't with me, I thought about them.
And he was still walking, and he was still hollering at me, and he told me, "Okay, Mom, well, if you want to hear that it's my dad's fault, I'll tell you that."
>>What?
>>ROBIN: Anthony, look at me.
>>No.
Shut up, Mom.
>>ROBIN: And we kept on walking... >>Leave me alone.
>>ROBIN: Without looking back.
That way.
(water splashes) Anthony.
>>Uh-uh.
>>ROBIN: Look at me.
>>Yeah?
>>ROBIN: Wet.
>>Wet and soggy.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Ha, saved my life.
(water splashes) >>ROBIN: Hoa.
You know what, son?
>>What?
>>ROBIN: All of that anger that you feel, all of that confusion.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: Come here, I'll show you something.
Okay?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: I want you to say, "It's okay to be mad."
>>It's okay to be mad?
>>ROBIN: I want you to grab it, I want you to throw it out there as far and as hard as you can.
>>Hold these, please.
>>ROBIN: Hoa.
(water splashes) >>Okay.
(sighing) >>ROBIN: I want you to say, "I miss my dad."
>>I miss my dad.
Sweet!
(water splashes) >>ROBIN: Now throw one way over there.
>>Oh, okay.
>>ROBIN: "I love my dad."
>>I love my dad.
(water splashes) This is cool.
>>ROBIN: Here.
"I forgive my dad."
>>I forgive my dad.
Oh.
(water splashes) (clears throat) I love my mom.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
(water splashes) Hoa.
That's a big splash.
>>I love my sister.
(water splashes) Whoa.
>>ROBIN: How about you?
>>I love myself.
(water splashes) >>ROBIN: Well, we better go.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: Okay, let's go.
>>Mm-hmm.
Mom, when we get home can you help me?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>With math and everything?
>>ROBIN: Of course.
(train horn blaring) (groaning) (sighing) >>ROBIN: Jeremy?
>>Hello?
>>ROBIN: Hey.
>>Hey, Robin.
How you doing?
>>ROBIN: Good.
Good, good.
>>Been a little bit.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
It's been... Yeah, I decided that I have to, um, put school on hold.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: And everything, um.
Karen, I spoke with Karen and she said I could possibl salvage that class, which is amazing news.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: And I'm so grateful that she's willing to do that for me.
>>Uh-huh.
Yeah, I, you know, when I hadn't seen you for awhile, I figured something might have happened.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Um, well, I mean, there's... are you okay?
I mean, are you doing all right, or... >>ROBIN: I'm good.
I'm tired this morning.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: I had a hard night.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: With my son.
>>Okay.
Like you're going to put school on hold for a little bit.
How long are you thinking?
>>ROBIN: Two years... at the least.
I can't do school because my kids need me too much.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: At home.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: To help them through all of this, so.
>>Mmm.
>>ROBIN: Um... >>Well, let me just say, and I know, you know, you obviously have a plan you're putting in place here.
And you have a vision of what you want to achieve, and from what I understand, and from what I remember, Robin, part of that vision is finishing school.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So that you could take on a position and have the skills and knowledge to be able to really make some systemic changes.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>On the reservation.
And there's no doubt in my mind that you're going to continue to help people.
Uh, because that's the kind of person you are.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
Okay.
>>And, so don't lose sight of that.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Okay.
Um, well, I mean, I'm still your academic advisor.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>So when anything comes up, you know, regarding academics, or you want to look at taking a course, or getting back in full-time.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>> Please, please, please, stop in.
Give me a call, shoot me an e-mail, all right?
>>ROBIN: All right.
That sounds good.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Thanks.
>>Yup.
>>ROBIN: Bye.
Bye.
My kids need me.
(Native American music playing) >>ROBIN: With court coming up, I hope Darian gets through it okay.
It's really, really hard time.
She has a good idea of what's going to happen, but there's a big difference between what's going to happen and the way we think about what's going to happen and what really happens in that courtroom.
You know?
How she's going to react to seeing her dad after not seeing him for four months and tell a bunch of strangers, "You know what, my dad molested me."
You know, how's she going to handle that?
You know?
It's going to be hard, and all we can do is pray.
Everything that's going on with court and stuff is just, um, when we went and we visited the courtroom Darian said, about her dad, "This is what he has to go through, the consequences for decisions he made ."
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: And hopefully, he'll learn not to mess with little girls.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: The FBI told me Darian and Jodie will testif on Monday.
Wednesday, the trial will be over.
And what really gets to me is, Anthony's at the reservation telling people, "Oh, that's another Anthony Charboneau," because there is a lot of Anthony Charboneaus.
My son is like the... fourth.
He's the fourth, fourth Anthony Charboneau.
(horn honking) >>When there's a federal trial for a sexual assault that happened on the reservation, there's a stigma about it.
In this case, Robin's ex-husband Anthony's family don't want everyone to know what he did to both these girls.
They're saying that the trial is a custody battle and not about the sexual abuse of a minor.
And they're letting Robin take the blame for everything.
They're saying that Robin's putting Darian up to it.
>>I knew that the defense was going to make the primary issue of the case about custody.
It was going to be a custody issue from start to finish for them.
And if they could convince a jury that Robin had put her child and the foster child up to disclosing the sexual abuse, they were going to be able to convince a jury that this was just one big custody battle hoax.
The primary counter to that was going to be Robin's daughter explaining to the jury that she did not want to live with Robin.
How could they believe that a child, the defendant's own daughter, who takes the stand and says, "I would rather go live with dad"-- even today, "I'd rather live with my dad, as long as he would stop touching me"-- how could the believe that that child could be manipulated to lie?
So this would show the custody issue was a non-issue.
>>ROBIN: Darian was scared to testify.
She said, "Mom, I don't think I can do this.
Dad's going to be there."
How are you doing?
So I had Darian make us lunch.
>>Are you all right, Mom?
>>ROBIN: While waiting... Yeah.
For the FBI to bring us to court.
When we were waiting to testify that day, they had us in a little room.
How are you doing?
Just me and Darian by ourselves.
>>All right.
>>ROBIN: And Anthony's family would put their head up to the glass door, which was frosted, and try to peek at us in there, try to intimidate us.
Yeah.
I told the FBI, 'cause when I had to go testify, I didn't want my daughter in that room by herself.
>>Oh my god.
>>ROBIN: So they brought Darian to another room downstairs with an FBI agent.
>>When Robin's daughter took the stand, we cleared out the courtroom, and the first few moments she was on the stand, she actually looked over at her father and smiled.
And what went through my head at that moment was "I sure hope the jury doesn't take that the wrong way."
You know, you've got a girl taking the stand, she's talking about what her father did to her, it doesn't mean that she doesn't still have feelings or care for her father.
She gave that look, that smile of "Hello, Dad."
When it came to the portion of her testimon when she would actually talk about the, the abuse, she again got really quiet.
Extremely quiet, started crying, and it wasn't a hysterical cry, it was a, just a steady cry, her eyes got red, the tears were flowing, she had a hard time clearing her throat to talk.
And when she actually talked about what her father was doing, she looked over, and there was a pause in the trial, when she looked over at Anthony, and I took notice of that onl because while I was looking at her, I could see the jur looking over at Anthony Charboneau.
I too then looked, and Anthony was looking straight ahead.
He wasn't looking at his daughter.
She had these tears flowing from her eyes, she was saying what happened to her, she looks over at her father, at that point, and he's looking straight ahead.
No emotion on his face, stone cold, just staring straight ahead.
I turned it over to the defense, and of course the first thing they did was go back to two girls, delayed disclosures in each, no physical evidence, no injury to speak of, just a very difficult case to win.
All of this just compounds on top of one another when you consider all of Robin's issues in the background.
>>ROBIN: That's my dad.
Arlen.
There is no way in hell I am going to face that man again.
If I do, it's not going to be good for him.
I'm pissed off that he's on the defense side.
>>When Arlen French testified, he indicated that eight months prior to trial, Robin's daughter had told him that she made up these allegations against her father.
On cross-examination, I brought out that Arlen never told anybody this.
And suddenly on the day of trial, he says, "She told me she lied."
Later on, Arlen's wife Donna French testified that Robin's daughter had told her that she wished her mother hadn't told her to make these allegations against her father.
When Donna was questioned the week before, she didn't know what Robin's daughter meant by that statement, whether she was told to tell a lie or she was just concerned that Mom made her tell the law enforcement authorities the truth about what happened.
When I pointed that out on cross-examination of Donna, it was clear on the stand that she was absolutely biased against Robin.
She did not want Robin to have the children, and she believed that Anthony Charboneau was the best parent.
>>She lied to the court.
Yeah, she's over there.
She's got to be freaking out.
(Darian crying) >>She is crazy.
>>ROBIN: My ex-husband has a lot of support here.
He's got a big family.
And Darian and Jodie have me.
Darian, she broke down.
She started crying.
But you know what, she did testify that her dad molested her.
And, as far as I know, Darian did very well.
(Darian crying) >>ROBIN: But I am prepared for a not guilty verdict.
I am prepared for another dirty custody battle.
And I am prepared for my kids to go back to their dad.
(Native American music playing) >>ROBIN: The second day of the trial I had no idea what was going to happen.
The defense attorney, Anthony's lawyer, he asked me if I was in treatment before for drug and alcohol abuse, and I told him, "Yes, I'm a recovering alcoholic in and out of the psych wards dealing with my own skeletons of sexual abuse."
Then he asked me, "When Jodie started talking about her abuse, weren't you involved in a disputed custody battle? "
I said, "Yes."
"Didn't the custody battle... it start before Darian came out and told you about what her dad was doing?"
I was like, "No, it didn't."
I said, "The custody happened after my daughter came out and disclosed to me what happened."
And then the prosecuting attorney said there was no motive for Jodie to come out and say Anthon was molesting her five, six years ago.
>>When Robin's foster daughter took the stand, my thoughts were, she could make or break this case.
My concerns were her not wanting to testify against the person she once loved.
And she did really well.
She stayed pretty consistent with everything that she had indicated to the FBI.
I was worried when the defense took over the cross-examination.
Maybe she buckles.
Says nothing really happened.
But the more they tried to get her to buckle, she became that much stronger.
She actually spoke up a little bit more.
A little bit of the childlike features kind of fell away.
Not completely, but it fell away enough to where the jur was seeing this girl wasn't going to be bullied by a strong-arm approach.
So the defense ended their cross-examination.
When we began closing arguments, I turned it over to the defense, and of course the first thing they did was go back to the lies, the manipulations all centering around Robin.
And they lost credibility with the jury.
Once they finished, I did my rebuttal.
I pointed out all the similarities between Robin's daughter and the foster child.
There were many.
The age, they were both around 13 years of age when the assaults took place.
The manner in which he touched them, with the exception that the foster child testified that she had been penetrated by Anthony.
The manner in which he worked up to it was similar.
His approach to them in telling them not to tell anyone.
With the foster child, he tells her, "Don't tell anyone" after the incident is ended.
With his own daughter, who, at the time when he commits this crime and she's in tears and she's crying, he tells her, "Wipe your tears away and calm down before you leave the room so that your stepmother doesn't start wondering what we're doing in here."
Doesn't see what happened, doesn't start asking any questions.
I wanted to paint all of that for the jury, which I did.
And when I was finished, the jury appeared to be very receptive.
And I took my seat as the jury was allowed to leave and then we silently walked out of the room.
>>ROBIN: When we left the courthouse, there was no verdict.
I don't even know what to hope for.
Whatever the verdict is, I think of my kids and how they're going to be affected by it.
My ex-husband is a sweet-talking, manipulative man.
I'm pissed off at him for putting my daughter up on stand in front of all these people.
Letting Jodie believe that he was in love with her.
He put that on those two little girls.
>>The jury deliberated for four hours.
After that, the clerk read their verdict.
It was a conviction on both counts.
Anthony Charboneau and his family were in ashock-like state when that verdict is read.
And suddenly somebody, inevitably, starts crying.
Later on, the final act in this whole production was to have somebody go over and tell Robin and her daughter their verdict.
>>ROBIN: They told us we have two counts of guilt for sexual abuse of a minor.
Anthony could get up to 13 months for one count and three years for another.
Three years for Jodie.
Because it was worse than the touching he did to Darian.
>>Oh my gosh!
You have that?
>>Yeah.
>>That's like years.
>>ROBIN: This is the first time Darian and Jodie have been together since Jodie was a foster kid.
>>Oh my gosh.
I remember these.
>>Uh-huh.
>>These got some years on them.
>>Yeah, that, I don't know what got on them.
>>Where'd you get them?
Or where... how long... why'd you keep them?
>>I don't know.
Because they were yours.
>>Oh, and these ones.
>>And your moon ones.
>>And the moon ones.
Oh, I remember these.
They look fabulous.
>>Yes.
>>Let me see.
(laughing) Oh.
(laughing) >>Are you leaving soon?
>>Yeah.
Are we going to your concert?
>>Yeah.
(humming) >>ROBIN: I'm so glad Anthony was found guilty, but you know what?
Custody of my kids is another issue.
Anthony and I still have joint legal custody, so I have to go back to the judge on the reservation and tell her I want sole custody.
>>I want to hear you play your trumpet.
>>Yeah.
>>I want to hear you play Kum-ba-yah.
>>Kum-ba-yah.
(laughing) >>♪I don't even know her name.
♪ >>ROBIN: Too close.
>>What?
>>ROBIN: That was too close!
You can't pitch!
>>Hoa!
That's the furthest one yet.
Okay.
Are you ready?
>>ROBIN: I'm going to hit you right in the head.
>>Right.
>>ROBIN: Catch one.
If you can.
>>Oh.
(laughing) Oh.
That went straight out of here.
>>ROBIN: Jump, baby, jump.
You were supposed to catch that one.
Take whatever you got.
(laughing) When I first told the kids that Darren and I were getting married, Darian was so upset, she cried.
>>Are you sure you can handle that?
>>ROBIN: The kids, they're still transitioning from their dad.
They're still worried about, is mom going to take off and drink with this guy?
Is she going to go off and party with him?
>>Whoa.
Let's take a break.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
Maybe she's going to come home and I'm going to see black and blue eyes on her face, because that's what my kids seen before.
>>You try to fight me all the time.
>>ROBIN: But I think the kids will be fine with Darren... >>You're going to be all right.
>>ROBIN: ...because he's an affectionate man.
He's an amazing man.
>>You're going to be fine.
I'll take care of you.
>>ROBIN: You can't even take care of yourself.
>>I can.
>>ROBIN: You cannot.
I'm teaching you how.
>>Oh, yeah.
>>ROBIN: You'll be okay when you grow up.
>>Catch this ball.
>>ROBIN: Turning you into the man you always wanted to be.
I love him very, very much.
And I plan on getting married.
Let's go!
I'm thirsty.
We just gotta make sure we know each other before we say "I do."
Let's go before I hurt you.
>>You want me to crack your back?
>>ROBIN: Want me to crack your ass?
>>Oh.
(laughing) Do you want me to crack your back?
>>ROBIN: Knock it off.
(train horn blaring) >>ROBIN: I'm scared until my ex-husband Anthony is sentenced.
I know what he is capable of.
I've had his hands around my neck, choking me, telling me how everyone's life would be better off if I was dead.
Hmm...
I'm not going to stick around here.
Anthony knows where I live, so we're going to move five hours away to International Falls, closer to Darren's reservation in Canada.
♪♪ ♪In the summer when the grass is green ♪ ♪All around you you're as pretty as the light ♪ ♪of the morning sky ♪ ♪And you know that I could never live without you ♪ ♪You're a dream come true, and with you I feel high.
♪ (Robin sighing) >>ROBIN: Well, we made it to International Falls with all of our stuff.
Moving to the Falls, I've gotten away from mone that I owe for a vehicle loan and medical bills for the kids.
I've kept a low profile here.
So nobody got my number.
And the other thing is that I got a job here in the Falls.
I'm a supervised visit coordinator for the Friends Against Abuse.
(phone ringing) >>Good afternoon, Friends Against Abuse.
>>ROBIN: Everything I've gone through... >>Where's your husband right now?
>>ROBIN: I've brought with me to this job.
>>Do you have any family here?
Can you go there?
>>ROBIN: One of the things that I like about my position is helping dysfunctional families when visiting their children.
>>Good.
And everything seems to be fine?
>>ROBIN: And that's what my kids want right now is to visit and see their dad.
So my job here is listening in on the phone calls.
Huh.
And supervising the visits.
It's nice to be in here.
Hey, LeeAnn.
>>Hi, Robin.
How are you today?
>>ROBIN: Good.
>>Good.
See you got your new schedule.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>We are filling up with the visits and I wanted to check with you on a couple times.
Are you available on a Saturday?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Three to five.
It won't be every weekend, but that is the time when the family needs the help.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Okay?
We're going to plug you in then on the 11th.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>And then I might have you help with Mary picking up a couple more because the hours are being used up.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So I wanted to do an evening on Saturday.
>>ROBIN: My job here is part-time.
Ten hours a week.
Not enough money to cover the rent, but I like the job.
>>And just finalize those.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>And I wanted to comment to you also, the documentation.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Great job on that.
I got that over to the county and things, that's working really well.
>>ROBIN: All right.
>>And, uh, the forms, how are you working... are those... >>ROBIN: Those I'm still working on.
I did the corrections on the typos, but I was going to do up the child refusal form.
>>Good.
>>ROBIN: When I applied for this job, my boss LeeAnn asked me, do you have professional training?
I said, "I lived in a foster home.
I was battered, I struggled with the judicial system, I'm a professional at this."
>>So let's go ahead and get those and I know Mary's looking at them as well.
We'll finalize those.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Get those in the forms and then we're good to go.
Okay?
>>ROBIN: All right.
>>Great.
>>ROBIN: Sounds good.
>>Okay, thanks Robin.
>>Darian!
Hurry up!
Darian!
>>ROBIN: Darian, she hasn't made any girlfriends here.
She's out hanging with the boys that are older.
So that gets me worried.
Is there something going on here?
It's like, stay away from my daughter!
And my son.
What are you guys going to try to teach him?
>>You'll make me crash!
>>ROBIN: Fireworks at ten tonight.
>>Mom, we can stay there a couple hours, right?
>>ROBIN: Yes.
>>Like two, three hours?
>>ROBIN: Yup.
Anthony, I need to talk to your sister for a few minutes, so you need to leave.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: She's in trouble.
>>She is?
>>ROBIN: Nope.
>>Just go.
>>Okay, good.
>>Hurry up or I'm going to smash you down the stairs.
>>ROBIN: Go hang with your friends.
>>What if they're gone?
>>ROBIN: Go.
We need to talk about your personal boundaries.
>>Mom, it can wait.
>>ROBIN: It can't wait.
Well, let's just... >>No, I don't want to!
>>ROBIN: Get it out of the way.
(clears throat) Well, you're 13.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And you're starting to become a woman.
>>No.
>>ROBIN: No?
>>No.
>>ROBIN: And you know what?
>>What?
>>ROBIN: All those things, all those things that you think about, all those little interests that you have.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: Those are all okay.
But your personal space is yours.
Nobody should be touching you in them, your private parts.
Nobody should be, be kissing you on the lips.
Okay?
You can kiss them on the cheek.
A quick peck.
Hugging.
A nice quick hug is okay.
Holding on to them, that just puts you at risk again.
Okay?
'Cause you're getting boobs now.
And your body's starting to change, my girl.
So we don't want, you just gotta watch where you put your stuff.
Okay?
(Darian sniffling) I don't even know how to, this is really hard to talk to you about.
You know, everybody wants to be loved, and hugged and kissed and held and stuff, and that's okay.
Everybody does.
(Darian crying) But there are certain ways that we can show our affection for people, and there are certain ways that we can't.
It's hard growing up.
You okay?
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: And I just don't want you to get hurt no more, that's all, Darian.
(Darian sobbing) Because you know what, Darian?
That happens so much with kids that have had that happen to them.
You know what?
'Cause once those boundaries are broken, it confuses us up in here.
We don't know what's... where to stop.
>>Mm... (sniffling) >>ROBIN: Okay?
>>No.
(sirens blaring) >>ROBIN: My ex-husband Anthony Charboneau often discussed with our daughter Darian things about my sexual relations with other men.
I realize now, Your Honor, the grooming he was doing to her.
Darian has been in counseling as a result of the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her dad.
In the past year since she told me of the abuse, she had to transfer schools four times, move four times.
This has caused her and my son a lot of emotional pain.
(sighing) I realize in writing the victim impact statement, nobody has ever been a father figure to my kids other than their dad.
I think what he did with Jodie triggered in me the insecurit of, what if it happens again?
What if Darian is molested again?
So, when Darian said to me, "Mom, I'm building a relationship with Darren," that triggered in me, what if Darian is molested by Darren?
>>Ooh, the water's cold.
Darren?
>>Ah, cold.
>>Are you okay?
>>This is cold, eh?
>>Hi, Darren.
>>It's not bad.
>>Did you fall in again?
Trying to catch minnows?
>>Mm-hmm.
I don't know what kind.
Woo hoo!
(laughing) Hey, honey!
Look it!
(laughing) Darian, look at me!
>>Oh my god.
>>ROBIN: Darren is just ridiculous.
Swinging his hair around and flexing his pecs.
(laughing) He's too sexy for himself.
(Darian and Darren laughing) >>Knock it off!
>>ROBIN: Darren has not done anything at all to make me think that he would do anything to Darian.
>>Darian?
You bring the shampoo?
>>ROBIN: It's just the aftermath of having your child abused.
But at the same time I have to recognize, anything's possible.
>>We should hit the road now.
>>Mm-hmm.
(train horn blaring) (Darian singing in Sioux language) >>Honey?
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh?
>>If immigration gives you any trouble about the kids not having any passports... >>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Just tell them they're going to camp in Canada.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>I just want you guys to be happy being up there.
>>ROBIN: Mm... My kids'll like it.
>>Mm-hmm.
I know it'll be a bit of a ride, but you know, having you closer to me is just... >>ROBIN: We can make the other room into a bedroom.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Take the... >>And it's only an hour away, so... >>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>That's a big plus for us.
You know, I want you guys to be happy there.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Might be selfish of me, but, I need you there.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>You know I love you.
>>ROBIN: I love you.
>>Everything going to be fine once we cross the border and get to Canada.
>>ROBIN: God, I hope so.
>>We just need to fix up my dad's old house.
>>ROBIN: Yup.
>>I gotta go to work.
>>ROBIN: I'll tell the kids that we're going to Canada now.
You two are going to have to stay alone.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Darren's going to meet me at the border to give me some money to pay the bills.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Mom, I'm going to stay here, play with my friends.
>>ROBIN: All right.
We're going to be moving to Seine River in a couple weeks.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And when we move to Canada, we have to work on Darren's house.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And we're going to have more responsibilities.
Chores.
I have to teach you guys new boundaries.
And we need a code word as to when somebody's around you and you feel uncomfortable... >>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: ...and you don't want them around you or if you don't like the way they're looking at you.
>>Hm... >>ROBIN: When you guys get that uncomfortable feeling, we need to come up with a code word that's going to tell me, "Hey, get over here, I don't feel safe."
Okay?
And that word is not to be used as a joke.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Okay?
>>Can it be a sentence or just a word?
>>ROBIN: Just a word.
>>Red hand!
>>ROBIN: Red hand?
>>Yeah, red hand.
>>ROBIN: Red hand?
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Mom, I don't want to go to Canada.
>>There's nothing to do there.
>>ROBIN: You'll hurt Darren's feelings saying things like that.
>>Mm... >>Look, there's Canada!
>>I'd rather die right here.
>>Why would you want to die right here?
>>'Cause then I wouldn't be living in Canada.
>>So, if you got to choose, Fort Francis or Seine River, which one?
>>Hm... >>Fort Francis.
>>Yeah.
Closer to International Falls.
>>Yeah.
Closer to Canada... or United States.
Closer to get out of Canada.
>>Mm... >>I don't like their school in Seine River.
>>Yeah, I want to go to school here.
That way you could go all the way down to North Dakota and you could watch a baseball game.
>>Minnesota Twins.
Canada has hockey.
>>Yeah.
>>And it's football in North Dakota too.
>>Uh-huh.
>>Want to pick some flowers for Mom?
>>Yeah, sure.
(Native American music playing) (music continues) >>ROBIN: Darren's reservation is the Seine River First Nation.
It's so isolated.
There's only one road in and one road out.
It's a really, really small reservation, with about 600 enrolled members.
Darren's house is in pretty rough shape.
The floor is rotted out, the pipes busted.
And the water heater is no good.
It just needs a lot of work.
>>I hate Canada.
>>It's boring.
>>Like you, I know.
>>I'm not boring!
>>You are too!
You sit in your bed all the time!
>>Ew!
(laughing) >>ROBIN: Darian?
Get off of him now.
(laughing) >>Darian can't find me!
Oh gosh, you got a bony butt.
>>Shut up.
>>You know there's a board sticking out there.
>>ROBIN: Mm... >>I took a break.
I was going to clean this up, but you have that board sticking out there.
Pissed off at myself for not getting the angle right.
>>ROBIN: Darian, don't go over there.
>>Why?
>>ROBIN: 'Cause I don't want you falling through.
>>Darian, this is how you do this.
I need to finish what we knocked down so I can nail the rest against the wall.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>So there's no big gaps.
>>ROBIN: You need a new door, a new toilet.
>>I can do it!
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
Darren is not a handy man at all.
>>Hm... >>ROBIN: He didn't even know if the water heater was working or not.
I know about fixing houses.
I've helped my ex-husband do it a lot.
That water's coming from there.
>>Where?
>>ROBIN: From the window.
>>Where?
>>ROBIN: I don't know.
>>Oh!
>>ROBIN: But it was coming from there.
>>Hm... You know there's a board sticking out there.
>>ROBIN: It's going to take some time to get through it.
>>Yeah, yeah.
>>ROBIN: Darian, it's going to be two bedrooms.
>>I know, but... >>ROBIN: One for you and one for Anthony.
>>(groaning) I hate this!
>>ROBIN: Darren can help you hang that drywall up.
>>Ah, this is hard!
I don't... >>ROBIN: I don't know if we can get that drywall up.
>>We can put, I can put, um... >>ROBIN: Does it have to be done right now?
>>No, but... >>ROBIN: We can wait until Darren comes.
>>I'm sick of Canada!
>>ROBIN: So wave your magic wand and make this all just nice and clean.
>>Ugh!
Whatever.
(banging) >>ROBIN: So you like the blankets?
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Is that the colors you want on your room?
Huh?
>>Yeah.
Red, white and blue.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
Black?
>>Uh-uh.
I want red, white and blue.
>>ROBIN: Red, white and blue?
>>To remind me of America.
>>ROBIN: It reminds you of what?
>>America.
>>ROBIN: America?
>>Since I'm not going to go back there, pretty much.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Are we going to go to that meeting?
>>ROBIN: No.
Would be nice, but we can't afford it.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Just costs too much money.
>>We should've just saved that $30.
>>ROBIN: Huh?
>>We should've just bought a little bit of groceries.
>>ROBIN: I need to save money on gas.
>>How are you guys going to buy stuff if you guys don't have any money?
>>ROBIN: We have enough to get what we need.
We left International Falls because the hours I was getting at work wasn't enough to cover rent.
>>You see that?
>>ROBIN: Darren was pressuring me, "You should move to Canada now.
We have my dad's house.
We won't have to worry about rent."
>>Mom, I think I should let Darren do this.
>>ROBIN: So I just went ahead and did it.
Despite insecurities I seen with Darren.
Because I love him, and I really want us to work.
>>ROBIN: Hey!
>>Eh?
>>ROBIN: Darren?
You catch fish, honey, I'm going to eat it.
>>Yay!
Okay.
Woo hoo!
Hey, honey?
>>ROBIN: Yeah?
>>I caught a baby bass!
>>ROBIN: You caught a baby?
>>I caught a baby bass!
>>ROBIN: Bring it!
I want to see what it looks like.
>>He's on there pretty good too.
>>ROBIN: I want to see it!
>>Uh-huh.
Want me to bring him?
>>ROBIN: Yeah!
I want to see it!
>>You want him?
>>ROBIN: Yeah!
>>I'm bringing him to you!
>>ROBIN: Darren goes to work every day on his reservation.
>>Darren caught the biggest fish!
>>ROBIN: Darren is a child protection worker.
>>Here, honey, it's for you.
>>ROBIN: He has a four-year degree, and doesn't get paid what he feels he's worth.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: He doesn't get that, "Darren, you're doing such a good job!"
Here I am with a two- year degree, a woman, barel three months at Friends Against Abuse, making as much mone as Darren.
And they're telling me, "Robin, we're so glad you're here."
Everything was going good, and then I got offered more mone at work because they were going to increase my hours.
Darren said, "I thought you were going to get a work permit, so you could work here in child protection as a secretary, or, we have that secretary position open."
Which pays...
I don't, which pays what?
Eight dollars an hour?
You know what, we need my job.
I have a stable, good job that I'm happy at, and you want me to give that up?
>>I don't know.
It just didn't go the way I had wanted.
I wanted it one way but Robin is going to do what she's going to do.
You know, I've gone through, you know, um, a few relationships where it didn't end all that well and, you know, I'm kinda haunted by stuff.
And you know, um, it's just, it's just hard.
Hard.
I didn't, you know, I ask myself sometimes, you know, like what I'm doing.
You know, like holy, you know, last year I was a single gu and I'd get up and do whatever I want, whenever I want, you know.
And, and to be in such a complex thing as this where you gotta... You gotta be there, you gotta provide and, you know, um, it's just a tough thing, you know.
And, you know, I try to, try to angle stuff in my own wa and, you know, it's not always agreeable with Robin, I know that, you know.
>>ROBIN: That wasn't the response I was expecting.
You know what?
We need this money.
If I go full time I could get medical for me and my kids.
Right now we don't have anything.
And he's like, "Well, if you think you can commute back and forth every day, that's fine.
I couldn't do it."
And I just blew up at him.
"Well, you know what, you're not me."
Helping other women, helping other children, helping anybody in any way that I can has always been my dream.
Right now I have to cross the border every da to go to work.
I have to leave Darian and her brother behind, because the border patrol is just getting too suspicious as to the kids.
"Do you have custody of the kids?
Is their dad approving the kids going across?"
I just let them know that, "Hey, the kids are at camp all summer, their dad is incarcerated right now."
I'm waiting on the tribal court to grant me sole custod so I can get passports.
So, I'm scared that I'm going to get busted for kidnapping.
(phone ringing) >>Friends Against Abuse, how can I help you?
Hi.
Get off the phone right now, I want you to call your mom, and make sure that everything's okay, then call me right back, okay?
>>ROBIN: Hey!
>>Hey, Robin.
>>ROBIN: How are you?
(train horn blaring) >>I'm sick of Canada.
>>Yeah.
>>It's so, so boring.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Have you ever played on a sports team?
>>Volleyball.
>>Really?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Are you good at it?
>>Eh.
Kinda.
>>Hm...
So is eighth and seventh grade together or is it just eighth grade and then seventh grade?
>>Yeah.
It's both.
>>They're both together?
>>Uh-huh.
>>So then I'll join in with you.
>>Yeah.
>>Do you have like A, B, and C teams?
>>Mmm... >>Well, actually it's mostly A, B teams.
>>No.
>>You don't?
>>No.
>>Is there girls' softball?
>>Um, I don't know.
>>Oh.
>>It's just all together.
>>Is it?
>>Yes.
>>Cool.
>>Yeah, so you'll be getting on the bus up here.
>>Yeah, if our house is actually ready by then.
>>Yeah.
(children's laughter) >>One, two, three, Geronimo!
>>Don't tear my arm off.
>>I'll hold you like a baby.
>>What grade are you going to be in?
>>Uh, I'm going to be in grade nine, I just finished grade eight this year.
So what school are you going to next year?
>>Mine Centre.
>>You'll be in the same class with Brandon.
>>Where's high school at?
>>Yeah, it's in Fort Francis.
>>What?
>>High school, there's a lot of kids there, that's where I'm going.
>>So they gotta come all the way over here, the bus?
>>Yeah.
I know your teacher for next year, too, Ms. McLain.
>>Oh.
>>Ms.
McLain is bossy though.
Do you think schools are going to be the same in Canada as in the U.S.?
>>No.
In Canada, you don't have to learn miles.
You have to learn kilometers.
>>That's true, kilometers and miles.
>>I'm done.
I gotta go home now.
>>Okay.
I'll just go home.
I'll meet you at your house.
>>Okay.
Come on.
Hey!
I'll race you guys!
>>Okay!
(train signal ringing) >>Hmm... >>ROBIN: The thing with Darren is that he's very jealous.
All of those questions.
Who's over there?
Who'd you meet?
I know it's not anything I've done.
It's just his insecurity issues from his past relationship.
Our relationship will be good for, like, two weeks.
We're just all in love, and then, all of a sudden something will trigger his jealousy.
>>You know I got my kicked out bag all ready, just waiting for her to come home and say, you know, "I'm with someone else now.
You gotta go."
(sighing) >>ROBIN: This time he came at me with, "Did you meet somebody else?"
And I'm just like, "I'm not doing anything wrong."
Damn.
I don't talk to anybody else but who I work with.
And with me going to International Falls, that was his biggest fear, you know, of was losing me to another man, you know, and it still is.
It's still his biggest fear.
And I just keep trying to tell him, "You know, there is no other man.
Darren, you are everything to me.
(Darren sniffling) You're everything to my kids, you know?
I love you."
But, he gets so defensive sometimes that it's, "Well, I don't know what you're doing, I don't know who's around that corner."
You know and I'm like, I get put on my defenses right away, you know, when he starts questioning me about who's this and who's that.
And, you know, I'm like, there is no who's this, or who's that.
It's you.
>>I try, it's just a hard thing to deal with when you're outright rejected.
I'm hurt and I'm mad, you know.
I'm trying to bring it out a little more because holding it in makes me sick.
(train horn blaring) (birds squawking) >>ROBIN: I want to feed that eagle.
>>Anthony, that's mine!
>>Mom said I could cast!
>>No, he broke his!
>>I did not break it!
>>No, he broke his!
>>ROBIN: Anthony, let her fish first.
>>Gosh!
>>Use that one.
>>That one I don't even know how to set up!
>>Baby.
>>ROBIN: Anthony's rod is broken.
You need to share.
>>I don't want to fish.
>>ROBIN: Well, then why don't you let him use yours?
>>'Cause, he breaks his.
Stupid, ugly, no good, rotten Indian.
That's the kind you don't want to be social with.
Go ahead, let him fish, but if he breaks it he's buying me a new one.
>>ROBIN: Anthony, here!
She said you can!
>>Why don't you make up your mind, Mom?
>>ROBIN: You can use it for five minutes, then she can.
>>Shut up and leave me alone!
Five minutes, Mom, that's only enough for one cast!
>>ROBIN: Darian, Darren's catching fish over there, you better hurry up!
>>Mom, you don't ever care!
>>ROBIN: Okay, ten minutes each.
Anthony, it's either that or nothing.
>>Big fat bitch.
>>ROBIN: Darren caught a fish in not even five minutes.
>>What?
>>ROBIN: So you could catch two.
>>Shut up, Mom!
(laughing) >>That little nerd.
Mom!
>>ROBIN: She caught a fish!
Woohoo!
>>Woohoo!
I think it's a little baby!
(cheering) >>Take it off, I want it.
I want to feed it to the eagles.
>>ROBIN: How do you get it off?
>>It looks like a perch.
>>Now it's my turn?
>>Or a baby walleye.
>>I said Darian, now it's my turn?
>>Yeah.
>>You don't know how to fish.
Let the master teach you how.
>>ROBIN: When we moved to Canada, one of the things we didn't deal with right away was school for the kids.
You can propose to me again, if you want.
>>Sure.
>>ROBIN: For Darian and Anthony to go to school in Canada they needed a school permit and we didn't have that.
Ten minutes each!
Darren found out that his tribe would not pay for my two kids to go to school.
Because they're not from his reservation.
>>My ten minutes is up, Dar.
>>ROBIN: School here would've cost $25,000, while an hour away in the U.S. they can get school for free.
>>You know, I was willing to do what I could, you know, so they can stay here till February at least, till we can renew the visitor record and whatnot, but um, just didn't sound, you know, just didn't sound like the wanted to be here anymore.
On the reserve or anywhere in Canada.
So, we just kinda had to...
I just kinda had to let it go.
I stopped pursuing it after, you know, it was just kinda made clear to me that, you know, Robin's going to do what she's going to do.
So Robin's moving back to the Falls.
You know, I will miss her a lot, and as far as the kids go, it's going to be hard to be there without a TV going and all their movement inside the house.
>>Hi Robin, how are you doing?
>>ROBIN: It's just, it's not good.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: When I left Moorhead, I had an outstanding debt that I have to take care of over there first before I can get an apartment.
So I have to deal with that first.
>>Okay, is that a large debt, Robin?
>>ROBIN: I don't even know.
>>Yeah.
Well, we can help you work through that.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>And, you know, we do have the resources in town to at least get you in touch with the people that could help with that.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Cause we are very happy with you here.
We do want to keep you.
>>ROBIN: Well, yeah, one of the things is that we were, you had mentioned, you know, that you could possibly do, it went up from the ten hours to 30, up to full time, 40 hours a week.
>>I can see that increasing.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>In fact, in the grant I put in I did put you up more hours and, you know, to where there would even be a little benefit package that kicks in.
>>ROBIN: I'm really happy with it.
>>Yes.
>>ROBIN: I went home that night and I told Darren, you know what, I... >>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: These, these people are happy with me.
>>Oh, yes.
>>ROBIN: And my hours have increased.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And that, that set off, well, he just came out, "Well, maybe you should move to the Falls if you want to make your life over there."
And I ended up blowing up.
>>Has it settled down, are you able to...?
>>ROBIN: It has settled down.
>>Okay, okay.
>>ROBIN: Whatever happens between us, it's going to happen.
>>I'm concerned for you.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And your kids and you need to just, what can we do here, we will support you.
>>ROBIN: Well, I just told him, well, you know what, if I go full time, I could get medical for my kids.
I said, we need the money.
There's not very much places in Seine River, a population of 600, to work.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: And I don't know what it is for here but I know back home if you're not a tribal enrolled, tribal member, you don't get nothing.
>>Yeah.
You know, we'll support you as best we can, we're glad you're here.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>We want to keep you here.
>>ROBIN: And that would be nice to just have in case, you know, Darren and I do fall.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: I need to move back... >>Good.
>>ROBIN: Before Darian and Anthony start school.
>>Well, good.
We can look into that.
We'll do what we can.
>>ROBIN: Great, thank you for everything.
(drums playing march beat) (laughing) >>ROBIN: In August, we moved back to the Falls.
I finally registered the kids to start school.
Darian's playing the trumpet in the homecoming parade.
I am so proud of her.
She's got black under her eyes for the football game tonight.
She looks like she's about 15.
She should stay looking 12.
(cheering) >>ROBIN: Anthony, two blocks that way.
>>Huh?
>>ROBIN: Two blocks that way!
>>Oh yeah.
>>ROBIN: Let's get it home.
>>Get that side, so I can get my hands under here.
>>ROBIN: Open that door!
>>I got it, I got it!
>>This is heavy!
>>ROBIN: My apartment is an old, old duplex.
It's close to their schools so the kids can walk.
>>Darian, I need your help!
>>ROBIN: It's got plenty of room, a basement.
It's really going to take fixing up.
>>Mom.
Let's go.
>>ROBIN: My boss helped me get on housing, which will cover most of my rent.
>>Do it this way, Anthony.
>>ROBIN: I'm only working 20 hours a week because LeeAnn's grant got denied.
>>I'm a black-footed Indian.
>>ROBIN: So, I'm not getting a raise in pay.
I don't know how we're going to get our stuff back from Canada.
>>I'm strong enough to do it.
>>ROBIN: Well, thanks, guys, for helping.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>That was fun.
I think I'm allergic.
To Darian.
(laughing) (yawning) >>ROBIN: I don't know if Darren's going to come tomorrow or not.
>>He better bring my bike.
>>ROBIN: I don't think he will.
>>Why?
>>ROBIN: And I don't think he'll bring your bike.
>>Are you fighting?
>>Did Darren leave for good this time?
>>ROBIN: Anthony, that's enough.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Lay down now, go to sleep.
>>Mom, I love you.
>>Mom, goodnight.
(dogs barking) (yawns) >>ROBIN: I have to keep going.
I need to do what I have to do.
What I do with the kids is chores.
I see they got the chore list done.
Dishes, sweep floor, garbage, laundry.
Cook supper, vacuum, living room, rooms, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, basement.
Rooms our own.
So, we put that on the calendar and mark off if we've done it and my son works really, really good with structure.
I don't know if it's just kids with ADHD, but once I tell him, "Anthony, brush your hair, grab your backpack, and go off to school," he'll do that.
But he'll have to see a visual list.
(humming) >>Good morning.
Can I have your attention, please?
Today, Wednesday, October 7th lunch menu: Italian dunkers, peas, coleslaw, and milk.
Thank you.
>>Dylan, get your math out.
Come on, get your math out, Derrick.
You really shouldn't be in here if you can't get your work done.
Hey, Anthony, Anthony, you're going to get your math out and work on math, right?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>What did you say?
>>Yes.
>>Okay.
>>Do we have to take 90 into 81?
>>Well, 90 does not divide into 81, it's too high.
All right.
>>Nah-uh.
>>All right, Jordan.
>>Like four and three plus seven, it'll be four, then they add one for five.
>>That's good.
What are you looking for, Anthony?
>>I don't know.
>>Huh?
>>I don't know.
>>So do you need some help with this too, hmm?
>>Um... >>Or do you understand what's going on?
>>I need help.
>>Why don't we take 75 times nine and see what you get.
>>That's 45... seven, 63.
>>Plus four.
>>Ah, 67.
>>Yup.
Is that going to work?
Can you subtract 675 from 743?
>>Mmm, nope.
Yup.
>>Yes, you can.
So, put a nine up here first where that X is.
>>ROBIN: Anthony is up and down in school.
>>Now underneath that, you're going to write... >>ROBIN: Sometimes he'll struggle.
Sometimes he won't.
>>You can't take five from three so you have to borrow here.
>>ROBIN: And sometimes I'll get disciplinary notices.
>>Is 13.
>>There, you got that one done now.
How many, how many did he assign for you?
>>Just to 15.
To 14?
>>15.
>>ROBIN: With everything else going on, I'm having a hard time concentrating on Anthony.
>>So again, write them down here.
Don't put them on the side so that you can keep them right next to each other.
Good.
(school bell ringing) >>Okay, all right.
Everybody that's in tier two reading needs to go.
(humming) >>Oh ho.
>>Anthony, knock it off.
You're embarrassing.
You're an embarrassment.
Anthony!
(laughing) I mean it!
I'm going to punch you in the face.
>>If you do, give me my sweater back.
Go!
>>You know what, kid?
You want your sweater back?
>>No, I don't!
>>You want your sweater back?
>>No, I don't.
>>Sweater back.
There's your sweater.
Now, let's go.
>>Yay, Mr. Sweater!
Mr. Sweater!
(coughing) >>Mom, I'm home!
>>Mom, I'm home!
>>ROBIN: How was school?
>>Good.
>>Good.
>>Me and Darian got in an argument.
>>ROBIN: Why?
>>'Cause I was trying to be funny and then she said, "Knock it off!
I hate you."
>>Go sit down!
>>For how long?
>>God, I hate kids!
>>ROBIN: Oh my god.
>>I think I'm allergic to dummies.
That's what he was doing.
That's how we got into a fight.
>>ROBIN: I have a headache.
Do you have homework, Anthony?
>>Nope, I got the first five done in a half an hour, 25 minutes.
>>ROBIN: Well, how about the rest of the assignment, 'cause apparently you... >>I only got one more question to go-- I couldn't finish it.
I don't know, actually.
I don't know, I forgot.
Mom, I'm sorry I forgot it.
>>ROBIN: Well, I'm calling the teacher tomorrow then to find out if you got it done.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: And I'm going to start talking to that teacher every day if I have to in order to make sure you're finishing these assignments.
>>Yeah, I try to get them done right away, but I can't really.
It's getting harder and harder and harder imagining seventh grade.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>I might be...
I might even flunk sixth grade.
>>Well... >>ROBIN: You need to stay on top of it, son.
You need to work really, really hard.
>>And this is just the beginning of the year.
Imagine how it's going to be at the end.
>>ROBIN: Well, if you keep on... >>Are these done?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
If you keep on doing it and you keep on working it, it will be okay.
>>My progress report from civics and math.
Math I have a B, civics I have a C. I failed my test.
So I'm going to get extra credit.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Tomorrow in the morning I'm going to get there early.
I'll get six to eight points for being there.
>>ROBIN: Then you can get on the honor roll.
>>Yeah.
I could bring extra work there.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So yeah.
>>ROBIN: Anthony!
>>What?
>>ROBIN: Do you know what these are for?
>>Yeah, for the walk.
>>ROBIN: You know, you know what this walk is about?
>>Domestic violence.
>>Yeah, domestic violence.
>>ROBIN: What's domestic violence?
>>I don't know.
>>It's verbal, physical... >>It's really bad.
No, I know, it goes... fist fights.
>>ROBIN: Yup, go get ready.
Darren is going to be here.
>>Yeah, for the walk.
>>ROBIN: To put up flyers.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: Darren is going to wear orange high heels for this walk.
(stapling) >>Just punch it.
>>Yeah.
>>Good.
>>I just want to try this.
>>Okay, watch my fingers or you're going to go flying.
>>I'd rather have your finger cut than mine.
'Cause I still need my fingers for school.
(laughing) >>Okay, try it.
Okay, good.
Okay, good.
Good, good.
>>This is kinda difficult.
>>It is.
>>Yeah.
>>All right.
Well, now just punch it, yeah.
Just punch it.
That was good work, my boy.
>>Thanks.
>>"Walk a mile in my shoes."
>>Yeah, whose idea was that?
>>ROBIN: That's the Friends Against Abuse.
>>Good idea.
>>ROBIN: Yeah!
You know, and it's not just, you know, you know, like tell the guys you know.
If your mom, your sister, whoever, you know.
>>Sure.
>>ROBIN: Encourage them to come and come and walk.
>>You bet.
>>ROBIN: Walk and honor them.
Honor the women!
>>Absolutely.
>>ROBIN: Thank you.
>>Keep up the good work.
>>ROBIN: Thanks.
>>All right, take care, buddy.
>>Good to see you, man.
>>Yeah.
Where else do you want to go?
>>ROBIN: I have no idea.
>>Where else is there?
>>ROBIN: That's as much as I know of this town.
>>It's the top of the hour, I'm Kimberly Dawn; you're listening to Psalm 99.5, KBHW, International Falls.
Let's take a look at our forecast for today.
It's rainy conditions in Hibbing and in International Falls.
It's time for a look at our community calendar.
You can participate with local police and firemen in the "Walk A Mile In Her Shoes" walk.
It's an opportunity to stand up against sexual abuse towards women.
>>ROBIN: Look at him!
>>Here's your scripture for today, it's from Micah eight, and Psalm 82, verses two through four.
Enough, you've corrupted justice long enough... >>Cool little shoes?
>>You've let the wicked get away with murder... >>Darren.
>>You're here today to defend the defenseless.
>>I like your shoes, Darren.
>>Your job is to stand up for the powerless and prosecute all those who exploit them.
(cheering) >>There's a lot of things to talk about and yell about as we're marching down the street.
And what I really want you to do is to have conversations with each other about this fact: one in three women will be sexually assaulted or beaten by their husband or boyfriend.
How would that change your life, if you had to live with those odds?
We're walking a mile in her shoes and they're not comfortable, so it's important that we start talking to each other about what we can do as men.
So, let's have a great march.
And you all look really amazing, of course.
(cheering) >>Darren!
Just hope you don't break the heels!
>>It feels funny.
>>Look at him, Darren.
>>ROBIN: Darian, want me to carry one?
>>I got it!
There you go.
No, I want it.
>>I would've been better in those little, um, what do you call it?
Those floppies?
Yeah, those floppies, yeah.
>>Flip flops, Darren.
>>Should wear a pair of those instead.
>>ROBIN: A march like this could never happen on the Spirit Lake reservation, because there we just don't talk about abuse.
And you have men who are abusers themselves, perpetrators themselves running programs.
Because of the march here in the Falls, if you see somebody getting beat up and you tell one of the other community members, there's going to be somebody there to help you.
They see it at home, the chances are five times greater that they're going to do that themselves.
>>Yeah, those statistics are startling, eh?
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
And my son, the chances of Anthony abusing women are 500% greater.
>>Yeah, you need to think.
>>Stop the domestic violence.
>>You need to think about that.
>>ROBIN: You have a really hard job.
>>Ow!
That hurt!
>>ROBIN: Honey?
>>You know, you gotta, you gotta think about that when you, when you think I'm too strict in my ways.
>>ROBIN: I know.
>>You know?
I sat in a classroom full of women, you know, it was hard to hear.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>I guess the only time men would experience it... >>Anthony, you're getting in the way.
>>...is when they go to prison.
That fear that women feel.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>Is it done, or are they going to rally some more, or...?
>>ROBIN: It's done.
>>Mm-hmm.
(cheering) >>ROBIN: Anthony.
>>My thing broke!
>>ROBIN: Give me that stick.
>>No!
>>Anthony, quit acting stupid.
>>Shut up!
>>I can hit you with this!
I can!
Better yet I'll use my fists.
>>Can't hit me, I can hit you though, cause I'm a bo and I can hit girls.
>>Anthony!
>>But we're against abuse, remember?
>>I think that's it, man.
>>Yeah.
>>Here's a song I wrote for my son.
He was having a hard time, and so I sat down and wrote him this song.
>>♪Let's go back to love and roses... ♪ >>ROBIN: You were really good today, proud of you.
>>Good, good.
>>♪Two hearts would always beat so free ♪ ♪If we could see what we've been doing to each other... ♪ >>ROBIN: Listen to the words to the song.
>>Whose song is this?
>>ROBIN: I don't know.
>>Yeah.
(laughing) I love you.
>>ROBIN: I don't know of another man who would wear a pair of high heels for me and my kids.
>>Look.
(Robin laughing) >>ROBIN: Darren and I haven't had enough time to get used to being together and knowing each other.
Since May we've moved three times.
And I tell Darren, "I'm glad we are going through all "of this stuff now because we need a strong, strong foundation for when this stuff really does hit the fan."
And if we can get that together, we're going to have some pretty solid ground to be on.
(applause and cheering) >>Swing the tempo round, we're going to pick it up a little bit for you.
♪♪ (sighing) >>ROBIN: I've been depressed my entire life.
I was molested and raped by people you called dad, grandpa, uncle.
The doctor told me I'd be depressed for the rest of my life.
This past month the depression hit pretty hard.
I broke up with Darren again.
His jealousy, his insecurit completely turned me upside down.
Everything in my life I struggled with.
Christmas is coming up.
I can't even make rent.
And I missed Darren a lot.
I looked on his Facebook profile and what he wrote about me was, "Everyone told me she was a whore.
Everyone told me she was a slut."
All of that completely tore me up.
And I can't even explain to you all of the things that were running through my head and trying to make sense of it all.
Because it was all there and it was all going a hundred miles a minute.
And...
I found myself not sleeping, hallucinating again.
And in the psych ward again.
>>She called me from the hospital.
And initially I didn't know who it was, but I could hear someone crying, and saying "Darren," you know, and then I knew who it was.
I had to keep my cool because I was still driving and I was shocked hearing her say she was in a psych ward.
She said she was scared and she needed to talk to me.
I never knew she could get so depressed that she could land in a hospital, you know-- she had mentioned it before, but I never... from what I've seen of her in the past year, she's been pretty solid, she's been pretty strong, confident, just a beautiful woman and, you know, it's just...
The next day I was pretty lost.
I decided I needed to go back and try to help her.
So I went to see her in that psych ward.
I walked in there.
I was pretty shaken up to see that she was hurting, she was suffering.
I couldn't talk for a while.
It was overwhelming the way she looked; she was having a hard time coping.
I never knew it could ever be that bad for, for anybody.
You know, my heart went out to her, you know, and I came to the realization I, I was guilt and responsible for it.
I decided if she wants something, I'm going to try, I'm going to try to do something to help her.
To try to do it for her to, you know, just make her realize that, you know, she is loved, you know, if she ever feels like there's nobody out there in the world for her, you know, I just want her to realize that, you know, I'm there.
>>Sweet!
That was fun!
>>Mom, what are you doing?
>>ROBIN: It says, "Respect that I was doing what I needed to do in order to survive, whether physically or emotionally.
Do not ask why I made the decisions or choices.
When I'm not feeling affectionate it is not about you, it is about how I feel.
When I'm triggered by something, please don't take it personally.
It is not necessarily about what is happening so much that, as that I am reminded of something harmful from the past.
What's the trigger, what is a panic attack? "
>>Oh.
Sorry.
>>ROBIN: Do you think that you're a survivor?
>>What?
>>ROBIN: Or a victim?
>>Hmm?
>>ROBIN: Huh?
>>I don't know.
>>ROBIN: Um, you know what?
You are a survivor!
'Cause you are woman!
>>Mom, I'm home.
Hi.
>>ROBIN: Can I hear you roar?
>>Mmm, raar.
(laughing) >>Mom, I can't plug in the plug-in.
>>ROBIN: I can't remember too much about the hospital.
There's a plug in over there.
>>What?
>>ROBIN: I was there for five days.
>>Yeah, but what about that one?
>>ROBIN: And then the doctors told me, "Here's the medication, Robin.
I think we're going to let you go."
>>Kinda hard getting up here.
>>ROBIN: When I got back home, I seen the terrified, scared look on my kids' faces.
>>ROBIN: Darian, come here.
Thinking Mom has lost it.
>>What do you want me to do?!
>>ROBIN: And dad is locked up in prison.
Take this.
>>That stuff melted and... >>ROBIN: And I've been trying to repair the damage.
Hey, I smell cookies!
>>Darian, you made the worst cookies in history!
>>They taste better when they're dough.
They're for Santa Claus!
Here's your cookie.
>>ROBIN: Thanks.
Like, I am so glad to be home.
What are we having for supper?
Did you guys say?
>>Ham!
>>ROBIN: Anthony said he wanted spaghetti.
>>Sweet!
>>ROBIN: Go to the store and grab some spaghetti.
>>I'm not riding my bike, it's freezing cold.
>>ROBIN: Go get some noodles.
>>Fine, I'm riding my bike then.
That's the reason why I don't like you anymore.
>>ROBIN: Too bad, I love you.
>>I'm joking, I love you.
I love you.
(dog barking) >>Hi, Robin.
>>ROBIN: Hey!
>>Come in.
How you doing?
>>ROBIN: Good.
>>I'm a little concerned about you.
>>ROBIN: Yeah?
>>How you feeling?
>>ROBIN: Good.
>>You look good.
>>ROBIN: Better.
>>You look real good.
>>ROBIN: Yeah.
>>What's going on?
>>ROBIN: Um... had a nervous breakdown... >>Oh.
>>ROBIN: Ended up in the hospital for a couple days.
>>Ah.
Mmm, yeah.
>>ROBIN: But, I'm doing better.
>>Good, good.
Is Darian okay?
>>ROBIN: Darian is fine.
They are both fine.
They seen Mom talking completely out of her head from lack of sleep.
Hallucinating from lack of sleep.
They seen... they heard Mom just rambling.
They heard my racing thoughts running through my head, everything.
They heard and seen that.
And, you know, granted, that was traumatic enough for them.
But, they're both in counseling and the counselor both know, knows completely everything.
>>Good, good.
>>ROBIN: I don't hide.
>>Robin, tell me, do you think, I mean there's been a lot going on at work lately, has that, was that piling on, adding stress to what you were already dealing with?
I'm concerned about you doing this training tomorrow.
>>ROBIN: As far as it being too much, no.
>>'Cause it was your idea, it was your passion, it was your initiative that really set this whole thing up.
So thank you for that.
But I just am very, very pleased with how it's turned out.
I'm just, at this point, most concerned about you.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And I don't want anything to pile onto you that could... >>ROBIN: No.
>>Do you know how many people we have signed up for this?
>>ROBIN: No.
>>We're up to 66 people have signed up for this and we have them coming from Baudette, they're coming from across the river in Canada, they're coming from all different parts of town.
>>ROBIN: Huh.
>>We've got nursing staff, we've got educators, we've got therapists.
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh.
>>Really an awesome group coming in and you're planning to tell your story.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Is that right?
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Are you okay with that?
>>ROBIN: I am completely okay with it because the more I tell it, the stronger it's going to make me.
>>Our last speaker today is a phenomenal woman who has had some very hard things that happened in her life and she has an amazing strength and sense of self.
And so right now I would like to introduce my new friend, Robin Charboneau.
(applause) >>Oh.
Sorry.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
If it gets to be too much for me to talk today, I'm going to sa I'm done and they will close for me.
My name is Robin Charboneau, and I'm getting nervous now... (exhaling) My mother was an alcoholic and she was not able to care for me properly and I had lots of cousins, and we all slept in one room because that's the wa we tried to protect each other when my mom was drinking for days on out and having these weeklong binges.
And, one night, the light came on, everyone ran, and I didn't get away.
And, I don't remember the rape itself, I remember the emergency room.
I remember screaming, kicking and fighting doctors and nurses off, telling them don't let that chichi get me.
I was three.
I didn't realize... that was going to be my first time.
(crying) What happened next was that I was taken away from my mom and I was placed in a foster home-- that was before they did background checks-- in a home where I was torn and ripped into pieces, time and time again... By people I called dad, uncles, friends of the family.
By the time I was ten, I could remember, counting on my fingers, ten guys.
I reported it.
Only one made it to trial.
And that was when I was ten and I was brutally raped and beaten by my dad.
I didn't realize how all of the rapes, all of the molestations, were going to affect me and every part of me.
Every decision I made, every choice I made came from that.
I have to ask you for a second to close your eyes and imagine a little girl.
Pieces.
As a little girl, I was ripped and torn into pieces.
As he tears off my clothes, I begin to pray to Jesus, "Don't, Daddy, don't."
I screamed and I begged.
He pulls off my pants and holds my kicking legs.
He let go of me for a second.
I almost got away.
He grabbed me again, threw me down and hollered at me to stay.
My younger cousin was there, crying, begging him not to do it.
"Run and get someone," I screamed.
Then I was hit, right across my face.
My nose began to bleed.
"Daddy, I'm bleeding."
I hoped for sympathy.
"Shut up or I'll make the other side bleed too ."
I was terrified, trembling, a kid, what could I do?
"Please, God, please," I prayed to myself, "make him stop, when will it end?"
Then he stopped and I started to pretend... like nothing happened.
"No, Daddy, I won't tell."
I see my chance to escape and began to yell, "Run, he raped me, run!"
As I ran to their car, my cousin was walking on the road.
He didn't get far.
Torn and shattered, I picked up the pieces.
Now tell me what to do.
Please tell me, sweet Jesus.
I found myself reaching for attention from all the wrong people, then again, maybe they were the right people, who were taught the wrong way of love.
Or maybe I just got used to being treated that way.
I was married to a man who was very abusive verbally, calling me names.
Bitch, whore, slut.
Nobody would want me, he said.
Why?
Because I wasn't good enough for him and I believed what he said because he said it to me time and time again.
I would fight back too.
This man wasn't going to get the best of me.
I'd leave him one day.
At the same time I also told myself I would show him the woman I am, then he will love me.
We drank and we partied the whole way.
I threatened to leave him.
Our fights got worse.
I endured more.
We destroyed each other, hitting, fighting, hollering, but the most damage was done at night, when we lay down beside each other and say "I love you."
He was United States Marine Corps.
He'd protect me.
Finally, it came down to kill or be killed.
Before he choked me to death, I would fight back.
And I wrote... this for my ex-husband: "If you could only see, the woman inside of me.
"I held on for eight long, hard years, as we drank beer "after beer.
"I only wanted love and protection, never thinking "to mention that I needed protection from you.
"You were a kid once, Anthony, you were a kid once too.
"Never taught wrong from right, only taught how to fight.
"Anthony, I forgive you for the pain I felt, "I also forgive myself for the pain I dealt.
"Our kids need to hear an apology from you.
"It takes courage and it's your duty too.
"Honor will be the greatest gift to yourself and that is the only way to save you from hell."
And the last thing that I need to sa that I still struggle with, is not just how to build a family and to be a mom.
But it also... the boundaries, the boundaries within a relationship.
Nobody never taught me how to be a wife or a mother, because it was married men who were molesting me.
So, I still have a long ways to go.
I still have a lot of things to learn.
But, it's just one step at a time.
(sighing) I'm glad I got through that.
(applause) Thank you, guys.
Thank you all for listening.
(applause) Darren.
(sighing) >>I love you, baby.
(Robin sniffling) >>ROBIN: I love you, too.
>>Officially, you ready for this?
Two days, 14 hours, 43 minutes, 37, 36.
Yeah, Santa leaves the North Pole.
Stick around, I've got some life saving stocking stuffer ideas for us.
>>Gosh.
Whoa.
>>Hey, how are you doing?
>>Hi.
>>Are you going to come and see me, Anthony?
>>Why?
>>Are you going to come and see me?
>>Yeah.
Oh, hi.
>>How are you doing?
>>Good.
>>Want to sit on my lap?
>>No.
>>Okay.
So, how's the year going for you?
>>Huh?
>>How's the school year going?
>>Good.
>>Good.
>>Kinda failing.
>>You're failing?
>>I got an A in reading though.
>>Oh, that's good.
So what do you think of International Falls?
Quite a difference from North Dakota?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Well, good.
Having a good time here?
>>Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
>>And how's Darian doing?
>>Good.
>>Is she?
Good.
Still doing good in basketball?
>>Um, yeah.
>>Good.
So what do you want for Christmas this year?
>>A Nerf gun that turns into like a sniper.
>>A Nerf gun.
>>It's like a sniper, it starts out like a sniper, then it turns into a machine gun sort of thing.
>>Nerf gun, that's for like a Wii?
>>No.
>>Well, I'll go and check with the elves on that.
I'm sure we got them for you.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Well, Anthony, don't have any toys in here yet, but would you like some candy?
>>Sure.
>>Hold you over for awhile.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>There you go.
>>Thank you.
>>Okay, well, Merry Christmas!
>>Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too.
♪Candy, candy cane, my candy cane.
♪ ("Deck the Halls" playing) (church bell ringing) (humming Christmas music) >>Christmas!
>>Hurry up, you guys!
Yeah!
So which is whose?
>>I don't know.
(laughing) >>Darian.
I don't know.
>>Can we open them up, Mom?
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh.
>>Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, get down here.
It's Christmas time!
>>ROBIN: Merry Christmas.
>>Can we open them?
>>ROBIN: Go ahead.
Hold on.
>>This is yours.
You open it now.
Sorry, Darren, I forgot to get you one.
>>ROBIN: Honey, want to hand them out?
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Get out, Dar, and let him hand them out.
>>Okay.
I forgot one in the car too.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
Anthony!
>>Look at what I got.
>>For you, 'cause you're the basketball great.
>>Mom.
>>That's for when you get all sweaty.
You put it on and it helps all your sweat.
>>ROBIN: Honey, want to hand them out?
>>Oh, okay.
>>This is awesome.
>>Anthony, this one's for you.
>>Thank you.
(laughing) >>ROBIN: Thank you, son.
I was going to get one of those.
This Christmas is just more than what I ever imagined it could be.
This is my first Christmas sober with my kids.
>>Awesome.
>>ROBIN: I'm happy for the kids to have Darren here.
Thank you.
>>This one's yours.
>>That one's mine?
>>Wrapped by Anthony.
>>ROBIN: Anthony got a remote control car from Darren.
>>You did get me what I thought it was!
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: And Darian got some makeup from Darren.
The kids' eyes just lit up 'cause they were not expecting that.
>>It's pretty, though.
>>This is cool.
Darren, thanks.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: Merry Christmas, you Indians!
Are you guys done?
>>Yes.
>>ROBIN: Hold on.
Ready, set.
>>Wait, let me get mine!
>>ROBIN: Ready, set, go.
>>Mom!
(laughing) You gave me the hardest one to open.
What!
Sweet!
What the heck is this?
Inner tube!
>>It's an inner tube!
>>ROBIN: To go sledding on.
>>I got an inner tube.
It's an inner tube!
Sorry.
We can go sledding.
Thanks, Mom.
Thank you.
>>Hey Darren, it reminds me of me and my dad when we went sledding over cars.
>>Really?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: You know, my ex-husband's family, we had a farm.
Right at the end of my marriage, we'd ride the sled.
My ex-husband put me on the sled.
>>On one of those little things?
>>ROBIN: We were riding right through all the deer.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: There were deer in the sides of us, deer in front of us, and deer behind us.
I was scared, I was waiting to flip.
That's what the kids miss.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>Mom, this good enough?
>>ROBIN: Is it hard?
Just remember if it's not hard, you're not going nowhere.
>>ROBIN: Darren, you are the closest thing he's got to his dad.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: The kids miss you very, very, very much when you were gone.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Anthony was hollering and throwing his fits and telling me how mad he was, so it's going to take time.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: But I'm happier than I ever could imagine.
>>Mm... >>Mom!
I got it.
>>Mom!
>>Holy man, look at that!
>>ROBIN: This Christmas just feels complete.
>>Go try it out now.
>>ROBIN: But I don't know what the new year's going to bring.
I received an e-mail from my boss LeeAnn.
She wants me to work less hours.
LeeAnn doesn't feel that I'm fit to run a group for battered women because of my mental breakdown.
She wants me to continue doing supervised visits.
That means less money for me and my family.
So I e-mailed her back.
And I let her know that she cannot use my mental illness against me in the performance of my job.
She hired me to co-facilitate a women's group, which meets every Tuesday.
And I told her I'd be reporting to perform that dut whether she wants me to or not.
So, I don't know what's going to happen this new year.
(Native American music playing) (train horn blaring) (Robin sighing) After Christmas, LeeAnn answered my e-mail, and she said, "Robin, things have changed."
She didn't know what it was, but something changed in me.
LeeAnn said, "I can no longer keep you employed here.
Do you want to resign?"
So I did.
I resigned.
And now I'm the educational coordinator at the Sunrise Center.
I go into the elementary schools and I teach the good touch, bad touch.
I teach high schoolers about violent relationships and sexual abuse.
I haven't yet gone into the community, but I really need to.
It's too early.
I like doing this, and I like my boss, Jess.
She's younger than me and she's amazing.
>>You know, I did have a call from Northome.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>You visited their school, I believe, two weeks ago.
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh.
>>And their school is the pre-K through 12th grade and a teacher who had said that they think that one of the presentations that you did at Northome was moving enough for a student that she suspected that was being sexually abused, to finally mention something to the principal.
>>ROBIN: Oh.
>>And you know, it went through their social services.
But, at this point, you know, all it takes is just the difference of one person.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And that's truly what you're doing right now.
>>ROBIN: Oh, that's great.
>>Kinda makes the whole reason.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
>>The whole purpose of our agency.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Exactly every single thing that you are doing, and... >>ROBIN: Yeah, definitely.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Sunday Darian has set up another meeting for her charity basketball game she wants to do.
>>Oh, great.
>>ROBIN: There's two more people that got involved.
One's her coach.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: So, and so if we're going to probably have them... >>Come in and meet here?
>>ROBIN: Come in here on Sunday around three is when we have it scheduled.
>>Okay.
>>"Maybe it was just some freak accident with the hinges, "but I didn't stay long enough to find out.
"I got in the Camaro and told my mom to step on it.
"Our rental cabin on the south shore, way out on the tip of Long Island, was great."
(pounding loudly) "We'd been going there since I was a baby.
"My mom had been going even longer.
"She never exactly said, but I knew why the beach "was special to her.
It was the place where she met my dad ..." Anthony, please stop.
Anthony.
>>Gosh.
>>"As we got closer, she seemed to grow younger, years of worr "and work disappearing from her face.
Her eyes turned the color of the sea."
I'm going to stop right there.
We have about ten minutes left.
If you want to work on your Minnesota booklet, that's fine.
If not, please find something to read quietly.
>>Can I have it?
Can I have it?
Can I have it?
>>It's sticky.
>>Sweet.
>>Oh, you caught it.
>>Okay, now Anthony.
>>Huh?
>>I'll take that.
>>Okay.
>>What's in your hand?
>>There's nothing in my hand.
>>I'm going to put it in the garbage.
>>No, I want it!
>>I'll put it away.
No, I want it.
>>It's my bouncy ball thing.
>>I want to see it.
>>That's it.
>>Show it to me.
Where'd it come from?
>>I found it.
>>Okay.
I'm going to throw it in the garbage.
>>No, no!
>>No, no, you shouldn't have that.
>>That's my bouncy ball, sticky and slimy.
>>I'm going to throw it out.
>>No!
>>Anthony, what's going on in here today, huh?
All right, okay, you guys need to get ready to go.
Push in that chair next to you, please.
>>Should I?
Should I?
>>Line up at the door, please!
>>ROBIN: Anthony is starting to act out a lot more.
>>She's a robot.
>>ROBIN: But he likes his therapist and he's got... >>You got a jacket?
>>ROBIN: ...Brad.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Jess's husband.
>>You bet.
So what's new?
>>ROBIN: Brad is his big brother, his mentor.
>>Did you have a basketball tournament at all last weekend?
>>No, but I got one coming up.
Pace Setters.
>>Is that the Virginia one?
>>Uh-huh.
>>When is that?
>>This weekend.
>>This weekend?
>>Yeah.
>>Is it a one day deal or do you still... >>ROBIN: Brad is making a really, really big impact on my son.
>>Is that Saturday or Sunday?
>>I don't know.
Would you want to go play basketball?
>>I don't know if I'm really dressed for it, but maybe.
I don't got tennis shoes on, but I suppose you don't need them.
>>You could wear my mom's!
I'm joking.
>>Yeah, I don't think they'd fit.
>>ROBIN: It's nice to see him interacting with a male that he looks up to.
>>Kids still bugging you?
>>Pretty much, yeah.
>>Yeah.
What are they doing?
>>I don't know.
>>Are they still calling you names or what?
>>Mm, kind of, not really, though.
>>Yeah.
Getting in any trouble, or you staying out of trouble?
>>Staying out of trouble.
>>Oh, that's good.
Getting all your homework done?
>>Uh-huh.
I got detention twice because I got late work, 'cause I take too long.
>>How much time do they give you to get it done?
Like a week or a day or...?
>>30 minutes.
>>You have to get all that done in 30 minutes?
>>I get 30 minutes to work on it.
>>Here's the flyer.
>>Nice.
>>I made that.
>>Where are you going to put these up around town?
>>High school.
>>Cool.
>>ROBIN: McDonald's.
>>How many teams do you want to have?
>>I don't know.
>>ROBIN: There should be a limit.
>>Yeah.
>>You gotta figure out how long a game's going to be, and... >>15 minutes.
>>Yeah.
I mean... >>Hm... yeah.
>>You can go, you can go twos and threes though.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Today, Darian's running a meeting for the charity basketball tournament.
>>So, what made you think about doing this?
>>We were getting bored so then I asked my mom to see what we could do besides cleaning the house.
(laughter) She gave us... or she told us to think of an idea of how to raise money for the Sunrise Center.
And I thought, we were just throwing ideas out and stuff and then I was thinking 'cause I like basketball.
And uh... (laughing) >>Just a little bit.
>>Yeah, just a little.
And I said, what about a charity basketball tournament?
We were just going on and on about it so then... >>Shebang.
>>She was getting meetings all set up and everything and I'm like oh, we're going!
I'm ready!
>>ROBIN: Okay, here's another one.
>>Thanks.
>>ROBIN: I need a registration form so I can do it like this.
Child's name, parent's signature.
Will that work?
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: This is Darian's event.
>>Then you got to have like the team name.
>>ROBIN: So I'm just making changes they want to the flyers.
>>Player name, signature, parent's signature.
>>Mm-hmm.
Yes.
>>You know what I'm talking about, like... >>Parent signature.
Make sure you got it.
>>ROBIN: Darian has friends here.
They know what Darian's dad did to her.
>>I feel like I'd get a mailing address too.
>>Okay.
So, do you want to have it at the high school?
>>Don't know, I don't know.
>>We'll look at it.
How about that?
>>Yes.
We shall.
Look at it.
>>Is the money being donated?
Or is it... >>ROBIN: Proceeds go to the center.
>>Nice.
>>ROBIN: To keep the costs down, we wanted to put on the flyer, no trophies.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: This is just for fun.
>>Yeah, it's really awesome that you've done this.
>>ROBIN: For those that have been abused and those parents that are sitting, that are in the thick of it, that's why what you're doing, Darian, it's, you know, maybe one day they can call it Dar's tournament.
>>Dar's tournament.
>>Yeah, yeah.
>>ROBIN: You can say a high school student came up with the idea of a one-day tournament for sexual abuse awareness month.
>>Hi, everyone.
Your participation means that much more awareness against sexual abuse.
This is an epidemic in our area, so thank you so much for coming out today.
(applause) (buzzer goes off) >>The tournament ended up being an international event.
>>So is she okay running the scoreboard?
>>Yes.
>>It became more of a U.S. versus Canadian tournament, and that helped a lot with the dramatics of the competition.
>>Ooh.
>>First injury of the game.
>>ROBIN: Oh my god.
>>Come on, let's go.
>>ROBIN: I don't think Darian realizes how huge this event is.
>>Hurry up, switch.
>>ROBIN: Go, Darian!
For a child who has been sexually assaulted, to take everything she's gone through, and turn it around into something positive.
>>Keep going, D!
>>ROBIN: Stay on him, Dar.
>>Watch Ben!
Shoot!
>>ROBIN: Take your shot, Dar.
(cheering) >>Nice shot, D!
>>This is easy.
>>ROBIN: Good job, Dar.
>>(singing gibberish) (buzzer goes off) >>Okay, all done.
>>Come on, D. >>ROBIN: Head in the game.
>>No.
>>ROBIN: Oh.
Grab it!
>>Rebound it.
Ooh.
Take it, D!
On him.
On him, on him, on him.
>>ROBIN: Get at him.
>>Don't let him shoot.
>>ROBIN: If we can have all the teams line up.
>>We just want to take a minute, and say thank you again for coming.
We just had our winners.
Our first place winners, which is team Bujold, if they want to come forward.
(applause) So, thank you so much for participating.
And an all-around thank you to the committee members.
And thank you very much, Darian Charboneau.
(applause) >>ROBIN: Okay.
(clears throat) My name is starting to get known in Minnesota in the abuse field.
I'm getting invitations, doing speeches that aren't for the Sunrise Center.
Okay.
Yes.
Everything's going to be okay, I can feel it.
Tomorrow I'm going to be speaking about child abuse prevention, ways to teach our kids to watch out for the predators that are within our families.
Hoa.
♪♪ >>ROBIN: Oh, let's see.
Hm... My PowerPoint presentation is going to keep me on track.
I want to get their full attention right away.
Oh.
So, I'm going to start off about being raped and then pull on their emotional ties enough to get them to how do we protect our kids from this?
All right.
I'm going to be talking today about how do we prevent sexual abuse from happening to our kids?
How do we protect our kids?
And I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, so anything I say, you know, are merely suggestions.
This first speech at Fond du Lac has more people than I expected.
I'm going to be sharing with you how I recovered from this.
I hope I can keep them interested.
My hope for today is that you'll be able to take whatever I suggest and be able to maybe implement it in your family and in your homes.
The first thing is to educate everybody in your famil about abuse.
Be comfortable talking about this with your kids.
I like being able to share myself and to give my ideas.
Because if you're uncomfortable talking about it, the kids...
I want to keep on doing this.
Let people that take care of your kids know that at any time I could walk in through that door.
It'll lessen that chance of them hurting our kids.
And as the kids grow older, you know, talk to them about puberty.
If they don't hear about this stuff from us as parents, who else is going to teach them?
My son, he came home asking, "Mom, what's blow job? "
and I was like, "Well, what did they say in school?"
And it was just, you have to be straight with them.
It's something that adults do, it's nothing that kids do, it's an adult thing that happens.
And, you know, just letting, you know, if my son can come to me with that question, you know, it gets tough and it puts you on the spot.
And sometimes you don't always feel like you have the right answer, but if you try to answer it the best way you can, at least you're giving them something solid.
So when the bigger questions come later on, then they'll be able to come to you with those.
We do have family meetings every Sunday.
We have a speaking rock; whoever has the rock can talk.
And I gave my kids a journal and I told them, "Here, I want you "to write in these every day.
I do."
When I first gave my daughter her journal she goes, "Mom, I don't know what to write about."
Then I wrote on paper: love, hate, peace, anxiety, scared, all these different emotions.
I just wrote them all on a paper, threw them in a bag and told her, "Here, you don't know what to write about?
Pick something out and just write about it."
And to hear, you know, a 14-year-old talk about love.
It's like every time I read what she writes she'll come down and she'll be like, "Mom, how does this sound?"
And I'm just... by the time she's done I'm crying, 'cause I just, her words are just... "Wow, you feel that, you're 14."
You know, but they've gone through a lot so they're finding ways to express that.
You know, finding what works for them.
Finding, letting them explore themselves.
And, you know, the only way you can do that is if you do it yourself, and if they see you doing it, then they're going to want to do it.
I just want to leave you with this thought: You have to find that voice inside of you and teach it to your kids, and that's all.
>>Wow!
Good job!
(applause) >>ROBIN: How I know I've done a good job is afterwards when somebody in the audience comes up to me and shakes my hand, or gives me a hug.
>>You have a copy of your PowerPoint?
>>ROBIN: I do.
>>You had some good points you brought up during the presentation that the ladies that I work with could relate to.
>>ROBIN: You know, all of those negative things that you take away from them... >>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: It has to be substituted for something healthy, something positive.
>>Right.
>>ROBIN: You know.
>>Yup.
>>ROBIN: There you go.
>>Great.
Thank you, Robin, it's beautiful.
>>ROBIN: Thank you.
>>God bless you.
>>ROBIN: Thank you.
Very much.
♪♪ >>ROBIN: I just want to leave you with the thought that every one of us has a voice.
We have it.
And as we are abused, we are told what to do, we're told how to feel.
And it takes a lot of healing to find that voice.
And it's up to us to help our kids find that voice, and to listen to that voice within them.
And if you guys have any questions we can give you the mic.
I can answer them, or any suggestions as to how you think I can improve, I am open and really, really would like to hear that.
>>I wanted to know what justice means to you and what kind of ways you found justice in your own life.
>>ROBIN: Uh, I've been... um, really disappointed in our system... and how it affected my kids... and my family.
And how it deals with perpetrators.
But I know that there is one judge that everybody faces and I believe in that judge.
I don't believe that in any sentence that is given out on earth.
But I believe in the one that they have to face when they get to those doors.
And that, that justice system scares me so, that keeps me in check and it lets me know that it'll be dealt with.
Thanks.
Any others?
>>I have young children, eight and ten years old, and it's extremely important for me to make sure that I keep them safe in their lives.
Because that's, you know, something that I don't ever want them to experience in their lives.
So I really appreciate a lot of the tips on how to talk to your children, tips on how to make your children feel special.
So, thank you for that because I have a long road to go with my kids as well.
>>ROBIN: Don't be afraid to try new things.
Kids are just so full of ideas.
Any other questions?
>>Can you explain why you waited so many years to report what happened to you?
Some of your emotions, what finally made you do it?
And how that's affected your relationships; both maybe intimate and just friendships, family relationships?
>>ROBIN: It didn't stop until I was 13.
My adopted mom knew about two of them.
One of them was an older, older gentleman.
She said he was too old to go to jail, so I felt like I had to protect him from going to jail.
Then my adopted mom disappeared and I felt like I tore the family apart.
So I quit, I didn't talk about it anymore.
A lot of it I blocked out and the only time it comes to me is when I write.
And how the abuse affected my relationships is after my divorce, I started to run around.
I went with a guy who held a knife up to my neck.
Those are the kind of relationships that the abuse led me to, and since I've been on this journey, you know, the relationships are getting better.
I'm getting more, more confidence.
Those red flags I'm able to see.
>>Thank you, Robin.
>>ROBIN: Thank you.
As messed up as it may sound, I wouldn't change any of the abuse I suffered as a child because it made me the woman I am.
And the further down this journey I go, it feels good to be able to reach out to those people that come my way.
I love and I enjoy my work.
Anybody else?
No?
Thank you, guys, thank you all for listening.
>>Thank you for coming down.
(applause) (rain pouring) >>Mom, how did you do?
Did people like it, did they applaud?
>>ROBIN: Everyone liked my speech.
>>Oh, that's exciting, Mom.
>>ROBIN: I was able to be more open with them.
>>Really?
>>ROBIN: Some of the women that come may still be drinking.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: May still be in an abusive relationship.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Most of them are mothers, are aunts, you know, trying to raise their kids.
And I shared your picture frames.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: 'Cause that just gave them something more personal... >>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: And if you'll allow me to read parts of your journal.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Anthony, they love your bike story.
(laughing) And I made this week as much as I did for two weeks at the Sunrise Center.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: But my job is going to be done in June when the Sunrise Center and Friends Against Abuse merge.
>>Why?
>>ROBIN: There's only enough at the Sunrise Center to justify one person.
And LeeAnn, she's going to be the education coordinator, which is what I am.
>>Mm... >>ROBIN: So, I'm going to be out of a job.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: So money's going to be a little bit tight.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: But I'm confident in my speaking, which is what I want to do.
And when I'm standing up there, I tell them about, you know, when I was drinking.
You know, I wasn't a good mom, when I was drinking, right?
>>Mm... Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Or was I just the best mom in the world?
>>No.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
And I tell them that.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: I made some really bad choices when I was drinking and it affected my kids.
So when I sobered up, I had to rebuild my family.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: I had to help my kids understand that they can talk to me.
And I am trying to listen, right?
>>Yeah.
Thanks, Mom.
(dogs barking) >>Bounce baby out the door.
(laughing) Hello?
>>ROBIN: Hey, hon.
>>What's up?
>>ROBIN: Supper's done.
>>How's it going?
>>ROBIN: Just us tonight.
>>Oh.
Where are the kids?
>>ROBIN: Dar's at practice.
Anthony's with his friend.
>>Oh.
>>ROBIN: How was work?
>>Uh, the same.
The same, different day.
Yup.
Tracking people, that type of thing, and you?
>>ROBIN: All right.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So any mail?
>>ROBIN: Mail?
>>Mail.
>>ROBIN: No.
>>Mm... (laughing) Lots of cartilage.
Left the cartilage in there.
>>ROBIN: Hm... >>I wanted to go to Thunder Bay and get the car cleaned.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Friday, Friday afternoon.
>>ROBIN: You want to go all the way to Thunder Ba to clean your car?
>>Yeah.
Washed and waxed and shampooed and vacuumed and... >>ROBIN: So what does that cost you?
>>Probably $60.
>>ROBIN: Plus the gas to go there.
>>Yeah.
Probably $40 for the gas.
>>ROBIN: So $100?
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: You give me that and I'll wash and wax your car, clean it out.
Pay, use it for the bills.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Then you don't have to travel.
>>Yeah.
Hm... Yeah, but that's half the fun.
Yup, I was in Atikokan again.
>>ROBIN: You're going out of town then this weekend?
>>Yeah.
I'm thinking about it.
The thought crossed my mind.
I would certainly try to clean the car myself.
I don't know, I suppose I could.
I just have to make some time.
>>ROBIN: Like I said, give me $100 and I'll clean that car.
>>Hm... >>ROBIN: Just give me that money to pay the bills.
>>Yeah, we'd need one of those small shampooers.
She might be a bit insecure because I take trips to Thunder Bay.
>>ROBIN: Yeah, I have nothing planned.
>>I try to tell her that I'm not doing what I did before, hanging around with other girls.
Sometimes I just want to be alone.
Especially when she gets distant.
>>ROBIN: Go ahead, eat.
>>No, I'm good, I'm good.
I'm still full from lunchtime.
>>ROBIN: The money situation is terrible.
I told him, you know, "My job is going to end.
I might have to rely on you to take care of us."
He's never had any real responsibilities other than the clothes on his back, what he drives, his image.
>>ROBIN: Where's the other bill?
Our insurance.
>>Your insurance?
>>ROBIN: Yup.
That's due.
>>Mm... Are they still hiring at Ronnings?
>>ROBIN: I don't know.
>>How come you don't try there?
Be a cashier or sell some sweatshirts.
(chuckling) An interesting job.
Imagine all the tourism.
Lots of tourists coming and going.
It's like the edge of the country.
Imagine people all over the world come through this town.
Yeah, tons of people.
>>Mm... Yeah, gotta try something.
Yeah.
Hm... >>ROBIN: The electric bill's due.
That's $184.
>>Oh.
Well, I think I'm going to go smoke, smoke, smoke.
It's a Canadian smoke too.
Switch back to American after.
>>ROBIN: Yeah, those cigarettes are, what, $13 a pack?
>>On the rez it's like seven.
That's like in $13 a pack, you're talking about like mainstream.
>>ROBIN: Seven times seven days a week, $49, that's $150.
>>150?
>>ROBIN: Dollars a month.
>>No, that's $150 every two weeks.
Isn't it?
I don't know, but it costs lots and the way things are going, I'll probably have to stop smoking.
>>ROBIN: Hm... >>Okay, I'm going to go.
See you later, honey.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>We need to go dance, honey.
>>ROBIN: He's always saying, "Of course, I'll help you.
"I'll support us, babe.
I'll do what I can."
And now that it's down to the wire, we'll see if he does or not.
♪♪ >>♪In the summer when the grass is green around you ♪ ♪You're as pretty as the light of the morning sky ♪ ♪And you know that I could never live without you... ♪ >>ROBIN: Just as I thought, Darren blew up.
What happened was, I was taking the census and Darren seen me with this guy who was asking me questions and then after the guy left, Darren said, "Who the heck is that?"
I said, "It's only the census guy.
"It doesn't matter who it is, because every man is a threat to you."
>>We had a big blowout.
There were some small insignificant things being said.
I told her I just need someone who's going to care about what I want, not just brush it off.
You know, all I've ever wanted was to get married.
I'm not so sure it can happen anymore.
>>ROBIN: So that night we drove back to the house.
Darren started packing up.
Anthony asked, "Mom, is Darren moving out?"
I told him, "It looks like he is."
Darren said, "I don't know.
"You're the one deciding this.
I'm just here to pay the bills."
I said, "That's it, I'm done."
He got in his car and went back to Canada.
(bird squawking) (phone ringing) >>Record your message at the tone.
When you are finished, hang up or stay on the line for further options.
>>I just called to tell you that I love you.
Yeah.
I'm sorry for being such a nutcase last evening.
I just... Yeah, love you.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>End of message.
Delete, press seven.
Save, press nine.
More options, press zero.
(sighing) >>ROBIN: I feel really, really bad when he's crying on the phone.
You know, this is the third time he's left.
But it doesn't mean it gets any easier.
Nope.
In about two weeks, he'll say everything's great, let's go get married, honey.
But he's so insecure.
We need to communicate instead of hurting each other and ripping each other to shreds.
My kids are used to him leaving.
The only thing is my kids don't understand why.
>>Ho, oh.
(children talking) (train horn blaring) >>ROBIN: So you want it to be different?
Then make it different.
>>It just hurts, it just hurts to be with you.
>>ROBIN: I'm not the type of woman who just is going to let you talk like that to me anymore, you know?
You say something to me, I'm going to say something back.
>>I know.
I have my triggers where everything just flips over sometimes.
Just goes back to everything that's happened.
Sometimes I just feel real unsafe when I'm not with you.
Even more so now.
Knowing there's a guy here in the Falls that was here when I wasn't here.
Like I said, it's just, it's just hard knowing that being here, walking down the street, bumping into some guy, wondering if that's him.
You know, I just feel like, I just feel like a chump.
I really do.
>>ROBIN: One minute you love me and I'm your world and mean everything to you, and then the next it's the whole, "Who you sleeping with down the street?"
>>Yeah, if you're... >>ROBIN: Day and night with you.
Except it's all in one day.
Extreme highs and extreme lows.
>>I don't blame you.
I don't blame you.
I know exactly what I'm like.
Like I question my own shadow.
And then I just want to run away.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: I told you that I have a job offer on the rez.
>>Uh-huh.
>>ROBIN: You could be free.
>>Yeah, I know.
>>ROBIN: I don't want to stay in the Falls.
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: It's too far.
And if I get that job, that job's $20 an hour.
Full medical.
Darian can get her braces.
>>Mm-hmm.
>>ROBIN: Did you know it would be working with all of the tribes in North Dakota?
So I'd be doing what I do now, except I'd be getting paid.
>>I want you, but you know, there's so much to be afraid of.
You know, moving to North Dakota.
And dropping my job and dropping my car and, you know, just letting go of my whole life.
It's just, it's all pretty overwhelming.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
So what are we going to do about us?
>>You're the boss.
It's going to be however you want.
>>ROBIN: Hm... >>I'm pretty determined to be here.
>>ROBIN: Mm... >>I'll let you kiss me.
I'll let you touch me.
>>ROBIN: Uh-uh.
>>That night, she asked me if I was going to stay.
You know, this time I told her I wanted to stay with her.
All those nights by myself, I didn't want that life anymore.
So I asked her, "Robin, will you marry me?"
>>ROBIN: We were driving and he had said, "Marry me.
I want you to marry me."
And I had turned the radio down and I told him that, "I'd marry you."
And he just sat there, looking straight ahead like he didn't understand what I had said.
(clears throat) And then he started crying.
So... yeah.
So then I said, "I'd marry you."
>>It's eight o'clock.
I'm Kimberly Dawn.
Paul reminds us that love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have, doesn't have a swelled head.
Love doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first."
>>Is that what happened?
(laughing) >>So live it out daily, loving one another as Christ has perfectly exhibited his love toward you.
For all of us at Psalm 99.5, merry Christmas!
(cars honking) >>ROBIN: Oh, my gosh.
Scoot over.
>>Oh, my gosh!
>>Do you have everything?
>>Yeah.
>>ROBIN: Well, let's go get married.
>>Yeah, that's a good idea.
>>Mom.
(laughing) >>ROBIN: My little Canadian man.
(laughing) >>Yeah.
My mommy's getting married.
I got a stepdaddy.
I can't believe my mom's getting married today!
>>Would you like to give your mother away, honey?
>>What do you mean?
>>When I say, "Who gives this woman to this man?"
you can say, "I, Anthony."
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Yes.
>>Sure.
>>Who gives this woman to this man?
>>I, Anthony.
>>Thank you, Anthony.
Kiss Mama.
Very good.
And you can come right over here, and I'll have you both join right in front of me.
Right there, perfectly.
We are here today to celebrate the marriage of Robin Allison Chaboreau... >>ROBIN: Charboneau.
>>Charboneau, thank you, dear.
And Darren Spoon.
It is a day to rejoice, have fun, and to make memories.
Are you ready?
>>ROBIN: Yup.
(laughing) >>This is a really good question.
Have you come here today at your own free will?
>>Yes.
>>ROBIN: No.
Just kidding.
>>Okay.
>>ROBIN: Yes.
>>These are going to be some of the most important moments of your lives, when you affectionately pledge your intentions to become husband and wife.
Your promises made here today must be renewed tomorrow, and for all the tomorrows that will come.
Join hands, please?
>>ROBIN: Uh-huh.
>>Thank you very much.
Do you, Robin, take Darren to be your husband from this day forward?
>>ROBIN: I do.
>>Do you, Darren, take Robin to be your wife from this day forward?
>>I do.
>>Very nice.
Repeat after me together, saying it to each other, please.
>>I will be faithful to you.
>>I will be faithful to you.
>>And honest with you.
>>And honest with you.
>>And honest with you.
>>I will respect.
>>I will respect.
>>Trust.
>>I will respect.
>>Trust.
>>Help.
>>Help.
>>And care for you.
>>And care for you.
>>I will share my life with you.
>>I will share my life with you.
>>I will forgive you.
>>I will forgive you.
>>As we have been forgiven.
>>As we have been forgiven.
>>And I will try with you.
>>And I will try with you.
>>To better understand.
>>To better understand.
>>Ourselves.
>>Ourselves.
>>The world.
>>The world.
>>And God.
>>And God.
>>Through the best.
>>Through the best.
>>And the worst.
>>And the worst.
>>Of what is yet to come.
>>Of what is yet to come.
>>As long as we both shall live.
>>As long as we both shall live.
>>Perfect.
Robin and Darren, would you like to seal your vows with a kiss?
(laughing) You can do it.
>>Darn it, do it again.
>>And now, by the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife.
>>Ah ha hey, ha hey ya!
All right, Dakota people.
It is warm.
It's 12 degrees outside.
And if you see somebody standing on the side of the road, be careful!
Watch out for the chichis and the wanagis.
If you can see through them, don't pick them up!
You're listening to 90.7 FM KABU, in Fort Totten, North Dakota, heartbeat of the Spirit Lake Nation.
(phone ringing) >>Good afternoon, Ackre law firm.
Yes, Robert Ackre is in.
>>Hey, Robin.
How have you been?
>>ROBIN: Good, good.
Kids are doing really good, considering everything.
They've been... Darian's on A honor roll.
We did move back to Spirit Lake.
I'm working with the First Nation Women's Alliance, Linda Thompson.
>>Hm... >>ROBIN: I'm working with her program as their sexual assault advocate.
I've gone throughout Minnesota, talking about abuse, helping whoever I could.
But it's always been in, you know, my heart that I'm going to come home, I'm going to come home, which is Spirit Lake, and I'm going to help my people.
>>Really?
Well, that's wonderful.
>>ROBIN: This job became available, so I applied for it, I got it.
And it's the perfect opportunity for me to do that and get paid, 'cause there were times in the Falls when I was doing the job without even getting paid.
>>Well, aside from moving back to see family, and to be around family, I just can't imagine why anybody would want to come back and subject themselves to everything that you've gone through.
Aren't you afraid of your ex-husband's family?
>>ROBIN: They've always been coming at me.
Always.
So it's...
They're going to come at me anyway.
They're going to keep coming no matter what.
So... >>So you're here today because of what?
>>ROBIN: I want sole custody of my kids, legal and physical.
>>It's kind of nebulous right now, the current court order, because the Spirit Lake Tribal Social Services initiated it.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>And then they dropped it in January of 2009, they actually asked that the case be closed.
So the court did close it, and they basically said that you have primary custody of your children but legal, joint legal custody with Anthony as well.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm, and I just can't believe that after a year and a half of him being in prison for molesting my daughter and a foster child that we still have joint legal custody.
>>Well, we asked that he not have any legal custody in court.
I drafted multiple proposed orders, we submitted them to the court.
And the orders that we got back from the court basically indicated that, one: we're going to hold your petition that you filed for emergency custody in abeyance until the social services investigation or federal investigation was completed.
Well, it's been completed and now they moved to dismiss the case.
And ironically, they lost your petition for custody, so that's a green light for you to move forward.
Or an alternative: to do nothing and just bank on what you already have, at the tribal court, which is an order that does sa joint legal and primary physical.
But you want more.
>>ROBIN: I want sole custody.
I want sole legal and sole physical custody of the kids.
>>I can't guarantee you anything in tribal court, 'cause judges on the Spirit Lake Nation are appointed by the tribe and they are not elected and they're not law-trained.
Okay?
So, yes, it's amazing that you've got do to this over.
It's frustrating, but this is kind of how things work there.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>It's really sad to think that they claim they lost it now, but if you look at a previous order, it says, "We have your custody request and we'll hold it in abeyance."
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>So, it really is hard to believe.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>The best thing about the whole scenario is, you know, when you serve him for custody, it'll be easy because he's in prison.
>>ROBIN: Okay.
>>Why don't you check your mail in a couple days.
And I'll try to get something to you, and we'll get started on it.
>>ROBIN: Mm-hmm.
>>Nice seeing you and I'll try and get right on this.
>>ROBIN: All right.
Sounds good.
Thanks.
>>Bye-bye.
I'll see you.
>>ROBIN: When I began this journey, I was scared because all I wanted to do was stay sober and be a good mom, but I didn't know if I could do that.
I've learned I'm capable of doing that and taking care of my kids.
The healing process has been hard for me and the kids, but we've learned a lot about our spirits.
My ex-husband Anthony is going to be getting out later this year.
I don't know how I'll deal with that, but I've learned that I'm not afraid to deal with anything that comes my way.
And if I can help that one person on their journe by telling my story, I'll be standing proud and standing tall.
(man chanting Native American song) ♪Dearie, I can still remember the time ♪ ♪I was with you ♪ ♪Honey dear ♪ ♪I don't care what they say about you... ♪ ♪I still love you ♪ ♪I'll always love you... ♪ (chanting) >>"Kind Hearted Woman" is available on DVD.
To order, visit shopPBS.org, or call 1-800-playPBS.
Frontline is also available for download on iTunes.
Visit the Frontline and Independent Lens websites, where you'll find video updates on Robin, Darian and Anthony, as well as Web-exclusive bonus scenes, a portrait of filmmaker David Sutherland... >>To me, it's magic.
It's what makes me tick.
>>...a series of reports on tribal justice, and the problem of child abuse at Spirit Lake Reservation, a list of resources for survivors of abuse.
Follow us on social media or share your throughts at pbs.org.
