Do no harm.
That's your greatest gift to mankind.
NARRATOR: Seven doctors, 21 years, and saving lives is only part of the story.
MAN: Medical school is absolutely something that one cannot be emotionally prepared for.
NARRATOR: Becoming a doctor is an experience that will change students from ordinary mortals into fully initiated members of the medical tribe.
Our cameras track them from the first days in class... She was way over this way.
Okay.
Right.
Okay.
To free herself up.
Okay.
NARRATOR: ...to the shock of the teaching hospital.
MAN: Somebody's going to ask me, like, "Quick, Dr. Bonnar.
Do your stuff," and I'm going to go... (gasping) NARRATOR: Through heartbreak...
Divorced.
NARRATOR: ...and triumph.
WOMAN: Doctor of Medicine: "ad gradum Medicinae Doctoris."
NARRATOR: A unique, behind-the-scenes look at the making of a doctor on "Doctors' Diaries," right now on NOVA.
TOM TARTER: Today should be a very interesting day.
I'm going back to Harvard, and I'll be meeting up with the other students who were part of this documentary.
I haven't seen many of them for 15 years or so.
So, it will be fascinating to see how they have grown as people and matured as physicians.
I'm Tom Tarter.
I'm a board-certified emergency physician.
Good to see you, buddy.
Yeah, it is.
You still working here?
No, I'm not here.
I'm in California.
You've got a little bit of gray.
Yeah, I got gray.
A little bit.
Yeah, you bet.
Yeah, I've got them, too.
Hi.
I'm Dr. Luanda Grazette, and I'm a cardiologist.
To me, I kind of like seeing, you know, who they've become and we were all just figuring out what we were going to be then.
Dr. David Friedman, ophthalmologist and public health researcher.
I'm Dr. Jane Liebschutz.
I'm an internal medicine, primary care and preventive medicine physician.
ELLIOTT BENNETT-GUERRERO: Just the sheer sense of history with these enormous buildings, I think is really what, uh, what I remember.
I mean, it's almost overwhelming in a way.
Dr. Elliott Bennett-Guerrero, anesthesiologist.
Look at Elliott!
Hi.
How are you?
Hi.
I haven't seen you guys in so long.
I haven't seen you in I forgot how long.
I'm Cheryl Dorsey.
I was trained as a pediatrician at Harvard Medical School.
I'm Jay Bonnar, and I'm a psychiatrist.
We graduated 17 years ago.
Can you imagine?
It's like we're old fogeys, but I don't feel it.
I feel like it was a few months ago.
GRAZETTE: Well, when I first got in, I kept wondering if it was a mistake, really.
Like somebody was going to pull me aside and go, "Didn't you get that next letter that said, um, we're sorry, but the first one was a mistake?"
And it was kind of strange because I...
Even though when I interviewed here and I toured the place, I really felt at home, I still had never really pictured myself in the environment, and I still, when I walk across the Quad, sometimes, I just kind of...
It hits me sometimes-- "God, I'm at Harvard!"
PROFESSOR: The enteric hormone system... have a variety of different names for this whole collection of different cells.
Going through this thing called the thorax...
I knew I couldn't be a businessman.
I could never do that because I wouldn't care about any sort of product.
I care about people.
A renal arteriogram.
And you're going to tell me something... LIEBSCHUTZ: I'm very interested in working with urban poor.
A lot of people don't have advocates for their health.
Even though we supposedly have a glut of physicians, there are still a lot of areas which are underserved, and there's a great need for good people to go in and work in those areas.
People have been telling me that... before I came, that it would be hard to do anatomy, but I get through it, it would be okay, and then we came in the first day, and, um, it was worse than I ever expected it could be.
And it looks so like... Our cadaver looks so lifelike and so real.
And that... it was really difficult.
I started crying.
I left the room.
Down there on the... it's just... Oh, yeah, right.
Right, here's... yeah, here's the ligament right here.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I always have to hold my breath and just calm down for a few minutes before I walk into the... to the room.
Okay, keep on this angle, right in there.
LIEBSCHUTZ: Emotionally I think it's very difficult.
I'm constantly thinking about the person whose... who donated their body, how they lived, and what emotions they had and why they gave up their body.
TARTER: I think your interest kind of overcomes any anxiety or fear that you have.
BONNAR: Really?
I mean, after reading about it, like, all night in the textbook and everything like that, when you finally get to see it, I mean, all these things are very abstract, and you're trying to figure out... well, this goes here, this goes there, that goes the other place, and then boom, it's in front of you, you can grab it, you can feel it.
This next nerve is a cranial nerve.
Number 12?
Uh-uh, seven.
Seven, that's a seven.
This is by itself.
I think as we begin to work with the head and neck region, when the head will be unveiled from the pouch that's it been kept in, I think I'll be very uncomfortable with that, because for me, the head and the face are really kind of the seat of all emotions.
The smile, a frown, and that will really bring home to me that this was a human life.
This patient had had an operation already.
TARTER: Up till this point, I've only seen the body from the outside.
I've seen people move through space, play sports; I've seen them eat-- all natural biological functions that we go through-- but I've seen them all from the outside.
And what goes on in between, say, the mouth and the anus is a mystery.
The whole gut is talking to itself along its length about what's going on in other places.
And the sacroiliac joint... TARTER: Now, I'm learning actually what it is that's going on inside.
I'm familiar with it, I've seen it.
It's now a part of my world.
Here's our stomach.
This is where the stomach pierces the esophagus.
It's called the cardiac notch.
I find this just an immensely satisfying extension of myself and my realm of experience.
FRIEDMAN: Elliott and I are not only studying anatomy by dissecting cadavers, we're learning it by examining each other in our weekly patient-doctor class.
Hi.
Hi, how are you?
All right.
We've been seeing a lot of things on slides.
And to see it alive is really nice.
Right, especially, you know, we're used to seeing the cadaver where it's all dead Yeah... and doesn't look red and warm and alive.
You want to do head, ear, nose and mouth.
This is the way my dad always does it.
He grabs my neck right there.
Right around the thyroid bone.
Both of them, both of them, yeah.
Okay, you just tilt the nose up a little bit, and you go in.
What you see is a beautiful inferior turbinate that kind of just passes right down where it should be.
Great.
Did it hurt?
Not at all.
You made that seem...
It is.
She hold... No, she was way over this way.
Okay, right, okay.
To free herself up, right.
Okay.
You've got a beautiful ear, Elliott.
This is great.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
It's great.
Incredible.
Oh, sorry.
(groans) See, you can't go side to side.
You can only look at the, uh...
Sorry about that.
It's the side-to-side that'll kill him.
There's blood coming out of my ears here.
You get very nervous before the first time you see a patient.
The jacket feels kind of weird.
I was commenting.
It feels like such a costume right now.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm trying to get used to it.
Ethel Hoffmann, I want to introduce you.
This is Jay Bonnar.
I don't remember good, dear.
Hi, but hi.
Okay, well, Jay's the one that you're mostly going to be talking to.
BONNAR: I don't know a heck of a lot now, inter-clinically, about, you know, what to do when and...
He wanted to talk with you about some of the problems you've had with your cough.
First of all, I'd just like to talk about, uh... about your cough, and what's brought you in to the hospital, and, uh, I'd like to do an exam of your... the back of your chest, to listen to... BONNAR: The patient has been treating you more or less like a doctor, but you're going to fumble.
You're going to be a little hesitant.
And you're sort of afraid that the patient will look at you and say, "I don't want this person near me.
Get this incompetent away from me."
If you could, uh, take off your top and put on a johnny that we have, uh, open in the back.
You can leave on your skirt and the rest.
And we'll all move over to this half... You mean, I got to get nude?
No, we're going to close the curtains.
You want to see this body of mine?
(patient laughing) PATIENT: Okay.
FEMALE DOCTOR: You did a great job, Jay.
Thanks.
That was very good.
I guess the first thing I want to do is... take your vital signs What's that?
before I forget that.
I'm still a little new at this, so it may take me a moment to find, if you'll bear with me.
(tapping) BONNAR: I really enjoy seeing patients.
I wish I could see them every week.
It reminds me of what I'm doing in medical school.
The other thing I wanted to know is if you have any questions, if there's anything you'd like to know from me.
No, darling.
I... No, darling.
I just... one day you're going to be a great doctor, and I'll still be around to see you.
That's right.
That's right, you will be.
(laughing) BENNETT-GUERRERO: This afternoon, in the course where we learn how to examine patients, I'm going to do something which I'm a little bit anxious about.
Should I brace the woman or... No.
or her weight is...?
I'll brace her for you.
Right now, he'll hold.
Right now he'll hold the model, but you don't have to do that.
Only the upper half is here.
In fact, it's probably advisable for you guys to put your hands Right.
as little as possible on the woman, okay?
Honestly.
Just... Be as official as possible.
Do what you have to do, but...
Okay?
Right.
Right, but I don't want to do it to the point where you seem cold and insensitive.
Absolutely I'm not saying that.
I mean, you can take it to an extreme.
So what is the guideline of when to stop?
Imagine this.
Make a circle for me here.
That's a vagina, okay, Elliott?
Just let me steer you.
You go in like this, and then you turn, okay, and then you slowly open it as you go in.
Do you see that?
So you can kind of look as you're going in.
Absolutely.
There's a light over your shoulder.
You're not going in blind and then... You're not going in, then just boom, and opening it up.
Of course not.
Okay?
Okay, that makes sense.
You're going in very gradually.
Do you see that?
Okay.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: I feel uncomfortable doing this, and, I mean, it's just a plastic model.
I mean, if we had to do this to begin with on a real patient, I mean, I don't know if I'd be able to function.
Unscrew the screw.
Other way.
Doesn't this...
I'm trying to... You're trying to release it?
Yeah.
Goodness.
Secret: never do the screw that hard.
(laughter) Then you're really in a bind.
Excuse me, ma'am.
My goodness.
You'd have to get out the hard way, right?
I'd never get out.
(laughing) EXAMINER: ...the classical scheme.
And now if we take a look at the more detailed scheme that you have-- and you, I'm sure, understand very well-- on page eight.
First-year medical school is absolutely something that one cannot be emotionally prepared for.
No matter how much you feel that you've reached some kind of equilibrium in your life, I think first-year medical school will upset it.
LIEBSCHUTZ: This past block of biochemistry and physiology has been really draining on me.
Basically, I've had so little time to take care of myself.
I have had, uh, volcanoes of pimples erupting on my forehead and my chin, and I've, you know, had not...
I've not had time to do my laundry in a few weeks.
Um, and, you know, cooking-- well, who has time to cook?
TARTER: I-I have a watch that has got a stopwatch built into it.
And I spend six hours every day not looking for books or walking across the street to the library or something like that, but I spend six hours a day of actively studying, which means at this desk, at a book or in the library, at a videotape-- six hours-- and if I take a break to get a cup of coffee or to go to the bathroom, I click off the watch.
We alluded during... BONNAR: Being in medical school is a very, very intensive process, and you really need some time where you can just sort of put that aside and really think about other things.
Art has been important to me for a very long time, and it's, to me, as much as anything, a symbol that I have a life outside of medical school, and I want to keep it alive.
It's that piece of me that I will, I will save for myself, and I will not let medical school get to me.
See...
I mean, we get to a point where we can, you know, clinch the diagnosis without having to explain why the guy is... MAN: Right, no, no, and what I'm saying is... ...wearing a pink shirt or something.
No, but we should... TARTER: This has been the most emotionally trying period of my life.
I've been through a divorce after ten years of marriage, I was an Olympic hopeful-- got knocked out of the Olympics because of an accident and an injury, I've had to work for about 14 years to get into medical school, and I can't ever remember crying until last week.
Last week I was just-- I just had to start crying.
Every now and then, I go back to the Bronx, visit my girlfriend Stephanie, my mother, see the old neighborhood.
He was always a little different.
I always used to think he was a little too smart for his own good.
This is what we lived on right here-- Bronx pizza.
Our main staple.
This got us through college.
It's not getting us through medical school, but it got us through college.
Speak for yourself.
RUTH TARTER: He, uh, was always interested in science, and when he was very young, he'd have me reading books about atomic energy, and then when I'd finished, he would say to me, "Mother, I know you didn't understand that.
Now, let me explain it to you."
TARTER: Here's a guy you wanted to know about.
This is the guy that married my ex-wife: the schnoz.
STEPHANIE: Your ex-wife?
That's right, ex-- my ex-wife.
Ex-wife.
Okay, how about this one?
This one is...?
I'm trying to remember where this was.
I think this was in Tennessee.
One of my favorites.
Can't say it's one of mine.
What don't you like about it, Mother?
You look like the Neanderthal man.
I think he looks like a Renaissance prince.
I've never drawn blood before.
(chuckles) And I'm very nervous.
You want to go into it someplace where you can really see and feel the course.
Oh, man, this needle could kill a horse.
I think so.
David, will you shut up?
I'm sorry.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I think drawing blood is the most difficult thing I've had to do in my whole medical school career.
More than the cadaver?
No-- yes, uh... no, no, not more difficult than the cadaver.
No.
Try putting your hand behind the syringe instead of on top of it.
You mean like this?
Yeah.
And just go-- aim in?
Just right into the vein.
Start, you know, toward this end.
Like here?
Mm-hmm.
Don't worry about it.
It really doesn't hurt that much.
I'm shaking.
Ouch, sorry about that.
All right, that's strike two, man.
Strike two.
We're even now.
That's okay, I haven't had a pulmonary embolism in a couple of days.
(laughs) Yeah?
You got it.
That's beautiful.
I'm just practicing.
It might have just been a little bit off to one side.
Try my legs.
I'm going to have to go for your neck, Dave.
Just remember one thing: do no harm.
That's your greatest gift to mankind.
Do no harm, whether you're... TARTER: We're moving on to what's called pathophysiology.
This is a perfectly normal brain.
TARTER: We've learned enough that we know how the body is supposed to function.
Given that, we can now look at ways that the body functions abnormally.
INSTRUCTOR: Now, you sort of have a lobulated, fluffy-looking mass here.
These are something that's abnormal.
TARTER: This is where you are supposed to really start learning the difference between sickness and health.
INSTRUCTOR: Who would like to tell us what we see here?
Who hasn't spoken?
Ah, Mr. Bronx.
(laughter) First of all, what organ is this?
Looks like the liver to me.
Sure is, okay, that's liver.
Need a lot of onions with this.
(chuckling) DORSEY: Today is the last day of my introduction to clinical medicine, and I'm going to be evaluated by Dr. Allan Goroll, who's the instructor for the course.
I'm going to be simulating a real patient.
The story I'm going to tell you, um, is really a story from an actual patient, and your job will be to take a history and do the appropriate physical, and getting a real sense of-- that you actually not only put your hands in the right place, but you felt what you were supposed to feel.
Okay, okay.
And that's it.
I've had this feeling here.
Um, it's not really a pain sometimes.
It's more like a...
I guess a tightness or maybe a pressure.
Tight, tight feeling, okay.
Tight feeling, is that-- yeah.
So I'll just start and, uh, take a listen to your heart.
Okay, very regular, nothing... Good, doesn't-- nothing sounds bad yet?
No, no, not at all.
No?
It's okay?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just listening for the heart sounds.
Okay.
You have two normal heart sounds-- S1 and S2-- and they're very clear.
Okay.
So, I'm just getting a good sense of what's going on.
Better to always check.
Okay.
DORSEY (chuckling): Uh... it's fairly stressful, actually, because you have a-- of course it's a simulated, uh, event, but, I mean, he's of course a doctor, so he's a very knowledgeable patient, and as soon as he said, "I'm having heart problems," my heart just sank because they tend to be the most difficult cases, and all these questions that I know I should have asked, I'm sure I didn't, so it was actually kind of frightening because I could kind of mentally hear him checking, saying, "Well, she didn't ask me this, she didn't ask me that, and she didn't focus on this," so it's, it's very stressful.
Okay.
GOROLL: Overall, I think you're exactly where one would expect you to be at this stage of your training.
You should be proud of yourself.
You are warm.
Um, I felt welcome.
And as you gain a little more confidence, you will do a very nice job and you will be a superb clinician.
Oh, well, thank you very much.
So I'm really, I'm really pleased with what you've done.
Oh, I was so nervous.
EXAMINER: You have 30 minutes in which to finish this test book.
Please recall that only those responses recorded on your answer sheet will be scored.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: The national board is a three-part exam which we're required to pass in order to become licensed physicians in this country.
BONNAR: It feels like it's such a poor test of what I really know.
It's not a great indicator of me as a person or me as a doctor, anything like that.
Everybody feels like, "I can't believe how little I know," and we're all used to taking tests and knowing... Getting 90%.
...80, 90%, you know.
We all did well in school, and to come in and be given a test where you know nothing-- it's really hard.
BONNAR: I'm thrilled to be finished but quite tired.
I can look forward now with expectation to my wedding, which is only in a week.
Jay has been quite a bit different than he usually is.
He's, uh... very tense.
Wouldn't you say?
(classical chamber music playing) BONNAR: It's already been an issue that I'm in medical school, and... KATHRYN: It's almost fatalistic.
In fact, people say, "Oh, you're going to marry a doctor."
You know, and they sort of look at me knowingly.
(music continues) KATHRYN: I think we're going to have to be in a position where we can work on these things, because otherwise...
Otherwise, I don't think it's going to work.
Um...
I should be more positive, huh?
No, you should be more specific.
I now joyfully pronounce them husband and wife.
Go in peace.
Mmm.
(flute plays whimsical tune) Shall we?
Mm-hmm.
(birds singing) (sirens blaring) (rhythmic beeping) FRIEDMAN: In the third year, we leave the classrooms for the Boston teaching hospitals so we can see all the different specialties.
LIEBSCHUTZ: Since I'm so new to this, I don't really understand what you do in the emergency room, but I think what the idea is to evaluate how seriously ill somebody is.
WOMAN: 108.
Okay.
TARTER: When I got to the hospital, I had no idea what was going on.
I didn't know what call was, what you did with a beeper.
For that matter, I barely knew which end of a stethoscope to use.
MAN: Okay, Mr. DeMassa, let me get your... LIEBSCHUTZ: I felt that, you know, gee, I really learned something in my first two years of medical school, and now here I come to the wards, and I feel like I know nothing.
I mean, I feel less than competent.
And even when I do know something, and somebody asks me a question, I can't even think of the answer.
I mean, it's like I can't even access the information I used to know.
TARTER: I started at 6:00 yesterday morning.
Very tired.
My feet hurt.
It's not too bad if you can get some sleep.
I didn't.
I usually don't.
But I think as you get better at this stuff, that becomes possible.
Might be able to get two or three hours of sleep, which could really make a big difference.
I don't know what to make of this numbness around her nose.
That's interesting.
The, uh, neurology resident was saying... TARTER: As you enter the medical profession as a third-year medical student, one of the first things you learn is that there's a very rigid hierarchy of power.
At the top, you have the attending physician, who really is quite powerful, almost almighty.
You could compare him to a deity in some religions.
The first thing to rule out is she could still have just a plain, old-fashioned gallstone... TARTER: And then, right next to him would be the chief resident or senior resident, who would be a high priest.
Uh, and he is the one who is allowed direct contact, uh, with this higher power.
Um, a little bit lower down the line, you have your everyday priests, which would be your interns, and they...
Although they don't directly speak with the almighty, they do have the privilege of contacting the resident who instructs them in the wisdom of the lord there.
Beneath your intern, you have your third-year medical student, who is, you know, at best, some little monk who trembles in the wake of all of these greater powers, and hopefully, will muddle through and climb up the rungs himself.
Miss Brown?
Huh?
Miss Brown?
Yes.
Hi.
How are you today?
Oh.
BONNAR: Miss Brown is a patient who was in the hospital, and unfortunately, while there, fell and broke her hand.
I was asked to see her and do a neurologic examination.
You're very, very nice.Oh.
And I've been praying for you, and I know you've been praying for me, 'cause you said you would.
God bless you.
Those are very nice thoughts of yours.
Thank you.
Okay, now touch your nose.
That's good.
And my finger back again.
Okay, now your nose and my finger.
BONNAR: I think this interview was difficult, because Miss Brown was not comfortable letting us see those areas where she knew things weren't right.
But I, on the other hand, needed to know precisely those things, because I knew that I'd soon be presenting them to my attending, Dr. Poser.
BONNAR: ...deviation to the tongue to the right.
Uh, I wasn't sure that that was a significant finding, uh, or whether that just happened to be accidental.
Well, now wait a sec.
If she has a real deviation of the tongue...
Right.
...what does that mean?
It means that there's something wrong with her cranial nerve.
On what side?
On the right side, the twelfth cranial nerve.
Yeah, I know, but the tongue deviates to the right, let's say.
Right.
Where's the lesion?
On which side?
Left side of the brain, or... Left side of who?
Left side of the brain if it's, uh, cortical.
Of the brain.
But then it could also be the right.
Did you ever see a deviation of the tongue from a cortical lesion?
Uh, I've never seen a deviation of the tongue from a cortical lesion.
Why is that?
Because I've only been in Neurology about a week.
(laughs) Beth, did you ever see a deviation of the tongue from a cortical lesion?
BETH: No.
Why not?
The, um, brain stem...
Many of the nuclei, including the twelfth cranial nerve, are bilaterally innervated, therefore... BONNAR: It feels terrible when you have doctors who you're looking up to for guidance and teaching, uh, making you feel humiliated.
That's compounded by the fact that you change hospitals every month or nearly every month.
You don't know where you are, you don't know any of the people, you don't know the procedures.
Uh, so you feel, like, ungrounded as it is.
Any head injury at all... BONNAR: You lose touch with your own strength, in a way, if you keep staying in that environment and keep questioning yourself for long enough.
You begin to think, "I'm the one "that's, uh, ignorant here.
"I'm the one that's faulty.
"Everyone else around me is wise and efficient "and powerful and does a great job, and here I am, such a lowly little speck."
You know?
"If only I could be like them."
GRAZETTE: Right now I'm doing cardiology at New England Deaconess Hospital, and I'm really enjoying it a lot.
Hey, Mr. Burke?
Yes.
Hi.
Hi.
My name is Luanda Grazette.
How are you?
I'm one of the students with Cardiology.
Mm-hmm.
And we've been asked to come in and take a look at you because we understand that you have a history of some heart disease in the past, and we want to... GRAZETTE: Cardiology is the study of the heart and the blood vessels associated with it, which means it's basically hydraulics.
You've got a pump, which is the heart, and then you've got all these pipes of varying sizes attached to it, and you want to optimize flow through those pipes so that all the organs get enough blood.
When did you lose your wife?
A year ago.
Do you have any family here, any children?
I have some children, yeah.
Well, I'm sure they have a stake in whether or not you're...
Listen, listen, my-my baby's 38 years old.
I don't worry about it.
I've been around for a while.
Mm-hmm.
I'm useless for anything.
Oh, no, I'm sure you're not useless.
Mm-hmm.
I'm sure that if you ask any of them, they would tell you that they need you around for counseling and advice...
I know, I know... GRAZETTE: One of the things that I really like about cardiology, actually, is that most of the time, you are dealing with older patient population.
And I like working with older people.
I like to, um... chat with them, and I... I-I...
I enjoy them a lot.
I think they enjoy me.
I hate to tell you, but I got to have something to hold on to.
Am I...?
You'll do.
Is my arm enough?
You'll do.
Okay.
Come over here, please.
Okay.
GRAZETTE: I was raised by my grandmother, so I guess I've always had interactions with older folk.
Okay, that's good.
That's good.
Will be... Do you use a walker at home?
When you come back in focus, it's great.
(laughs) Okay.
And I see that being, um, part of my career.
I like to work with older people a lot.
(siren blaring) (ambulance horn toots) LIEBSCHUTZ: I think a lot of patients appreciate somebody who can be direct.
The one thing is that I am learning that not all patients appreciate it, you know?
And I...
I'm learning the difference between the two.
PATIENT: Hi, Jane.
How's it been to be in a relationship when half of the part... half of the relationship is... has a terminal illness?
My disease was not much of an issue at the time.
LIEBSCHUTZ: Uh-huh.
It wasn't something that we had to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
And now we're having to deal with it a lot more with this hospital stay, and... but, uh... Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Well, it's good for me to hear, you know, your experience as a patient, because I'm sort of halfway in between the doctor world and the, you know, the outside-person world.
It's very hard when you're young and alive and you don't know what's going to happen.
But that's kind of true for all of us.
It is true for all of us... but you know, it's...
But I know I have some different odds.
Yeah, and you also know that it's going to come sooner rather than later.
Well...
I'm...
I'm not so sure of that, Jane.
You don't know.
You know?
I mean, um... MAN: There is a misconception about, just because one is diagnosed with AIDS... Granted, many people do, um, die within a certain time frame, but many, many people have lived a lot longer than that time frame.
And I don't know if I'm going to be an old man, but, uh... but I also know I've had a marvelous life, and at 37, I've had many great experiences, and, uh, the quality has really been there, and, uh... And I'd like to see it, you know, continue for a long time.
But if... but if it doesn't, uh, the time I've had has been really, really something.
(voice breaking): Feel like I've got your emotions, too.
(laughing): It's not very professional.
(laughs) (mutters) Well, you're only a third-year medical student, Jane.
That's okay.
You've got time.
(laughs) You're a real challenge.
(knuckles cracking) Any time you do a procedure for the first time, your adrenaline goes up, because you don't know what it's going to be like.
You know that you don't really know what you're doing, and so you're sort of randomly shooting the needle in.
You still feel a pulse?
Be careful-- don't stick yourself.
Yeah.
Just lateral to my what?
Middle finger.
FRIEDMAN: When I was going for the vein, I was really afraid I wouldn't get it, and I was just going to sit there and keep stabbing him trying.
And that's when you feel bad, 'cause that's when you know that somebody who knows what they're doing could get that vein on the first try.
It's like... like butter.
Okay, now, I got my finger on the nee... on the wire.
Okay... slide the thing off.
Okay.
There you go.
And a dilator?
Or a... a little nick, right?
If you can just stay still for a few more seconds.
We're... we're getting there.
When you get that advanced all the way to the skin, hold the... you got to hold the wire while you advance it.
Okay, okay.
No, no... uh-uh... pull it back.
Okay, now hold the wire at the skin.
You got to make sure it's coming out the back before you start pushing it through the skin.
It just feels like I'm...
I don't want to pull it out.
No, you won't pull it out.
Promise.
Some people like to do procedures.
Some people don't, you know.
I really like them.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I think one of the strangest things about coming into this institution of medicine is that, um... human lives and human drama is really an everyday part of your life as a doctor.
And, um, in academic medicine particularly, you know, there's interesting cases.
And you sit, and you hear about all the, you know, interesting disease, interesting this, interesting that, and all of a sudden, you realize that's a person on the other end of this discussion.
I was out walking my wee dog.
Your wee dog?
Yeah.
And the... the pain came on me.
Uh-huh.
And it gradually got worse, worse, worse.
And they put me in intensive care.
How are you feeling about this?
I was worried.
I'm worried.
You're worried?
Yeah, but I know I'm in capable hands.
What are you worried about?
I mean, I've never had a knife put in me before.
You never had surgery before?
No.
Uh-huh.
The good thing will be that you won't remember what's been going on.
And then, when you start to feel better, you'll feel better, and they won't be giving you so much medicine.
Yeah, well, when I walk out of here, I'll put on my...
I'll put on my kilt for you.
You will?!
Yes.
Okay.
You have to come over... move to the left more.
Okay.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I think being in an operating room is one of the most intense experiences one can ever have.
Having your hand on a case and actually helping when you feel needed is... is probably among the top ten experiences to have in the world.
What's happening is... they're taking some vein from his leg, and then some other, um, vessels that are in the chest wall and connecting them up to where the coronary arteries are, which give the heart blood.
Where... where would you see the RV from here?
This is the RV.
That's the anterior RV.
This is the anterior RV?
Yep.
Wow.
That is really cool.
The chest is a great place to see anatomy.
Mm-hmm.
(coughing) Topical, please.
Let's wait and see what happens here.
LIEBSCHUTZ: Do you understand what's happening right now?
Yeah.
His heart isn't working, and Dr. Johnson is pumping.
He's actually pumping the heart himself.
There's no... the heart's failed.
It's not... it's not working, it's not working.
So, that's what's happening right now, as we speak.
Oh, God.
This is terrible.
I feel like I'm bad luck or something.
No, come on.
I can't believe it.
I told this guy he was going to do fine.
We did okay with not having any conduit.
I don't know what more I can do.
No.
All right.
That's it?
Yeah.
That's it.
Oh, my God.
11:37.
(crying) I'm sorry-- I know, I just...
But the responsibility we have now is to kind of keep a calm head and help the family understand it.
I feel the way you feel, but I can't go up to them like that.
Well, I wasn't going to go up to them.
I know, I know.
I just...
It's funny 'cause I've never really Sure.
had a patient that I've gotten to know who's died.
Sure.
I know.
Sure.
And here it's happened-- right here-- and it's like a bad dream or something.
Yeah, well... Like, let this be over already.
He was going to wear his kilt.
I don't know-- I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be... No, no, no.
You're attachedin a way that is perfectly appropriate, but you have to understand all kinds of other things, like... from the start of this operation, he could have... from the aorta, he could have had a stroke, and he never would have worn his kilts again.
It would have been even worse.
I know, and I also know that he wouldn't have lived with his arteries like that anyway.
Oh, no, he was...
I mean, I know that.
he couldn't do anything.
I know that, I know that.
But see, that'swhere...
But it's so hard to watch.
that's the physician part, I know.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: This week, I work at nights, and then... you know, I... at least I try to sleep during the days.
I start in the hospital around 7:00 or 8:00 at night, and I go till about 10:00 the next morning.
And, uh, you know, the hardest thing about it is just... your whole sleeping schedule gets all screwed up.
Well, right now, we're going to be, um, giving a cesarean section.
It should take about, you know, less than an hour.
And what's really nice is that as you get a little bit more experience and as the attendings and the residents get to know you, you get to do more and more at each delivery.
Thinking a lot about becoming an obstetrician-gynecologist.
What I think is nice about it is that you get to operate and do procedures.
And, you know, it's a happy specialty.
I mean, with most of the women who come in here, you're almost assured that within 24 hours, they'll have a baby.
Here you go.
ALL: Oh, it's a boy!
Oh, my goodness.
WOMAN: Told you.
(baby crying) An eight-and-a- half-pound boy.
He's cute.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: And it's really nice when, at the end of delivery, and the baby's already out, it's nice to see how happy she is, and it's, uh... you know, I've had a couple of women kiss me after the baby's delivered.
And, you know, it really... it makes your day when that happens.
One couple gave me a box of chocolates, and it really made me feel special.
It made me feel very happy that I had shared this important moment with them.
I was very disappointed when I saw my ob-gyn course evaluation grade because, I mean, not only did I think I worked hard during the rotation; I really enjoyed it.
And for several months, I was actually considering ob-gyn as a career choice.
And I think, for that reason, it particularly hurt me when I didn't do as well as I thought I was going to do.
Um, I felt that a lot of the people weren't honest with me, and, uh, you know, if they felt I should have been working harder, or if they didn't like me, nobody ever told me.
Um, for that reason, I was particularly disappointed.
MELISSA: I had an accident with my toe, and I went to the Mass.
General Hospital emergency room, and Elliott was doing emergency room rotations at the time, and he actually worked on my toe and put the sutures in my toe and ended up giving me his number in case I had any problems afterwards.
And we went on our first date two months later.
Right.
I actually called him up to thank him for all the work he did on my toe, and he asked me out, and we started dating right after that.
It will be a year November 29.
Right.
(distant horns honking) OFFICIANT: I, Thomas... TARTER: I, Thomas... take you, Sharon... take you, Sharon... to be my wife.
to be my wife.
SHARON: Actually, the first time I saw Tom, he had held the door open for us.
And that's when he was big and gruff.
And I turned to my girlfriend, I said, "I have no idea, but...
I'm very attracted to that guy."
And honor you... And honor you... SHARON: And then, it was like several months later before we started working together.
And then, I didn't like him at all.
Thomas, let me caution you.
When you blow out your candle, that has a very special meaning.
You are saying good-bye to your old flames.
(all laughing) Well?
Are we going to light this together or separately?
Do we do this together?
Together, right?
Together we do this.
I'll blow out yours, darling.
I'm sure you will.
Okay.
Here we go.
(chuckling, applause) Good morning.
How are you?
Just fine, Doctor.
Sit down.
Thanks.
Nice to see you.
And you.
How is everything going this morning?
Pretty well, pretty well.
Pain's pretty good, um, under control, and I'm getting anxious to get it over with.
I bet.
Yeah.
Are you going to be an observer?
Are you going to, um...
I'm going to be an assistant.
Oh, I see.
I will probably just be the person standing there... Yeah.
handing the doctor something or being an extra hand.
TARTER: Mrs. Kidder, who's a 68-year-old woman, developed pain in her, uh, hip.
While they were working that up, they found out that she had cancer and that had invaded the bone of her hip, so about five or six months ago, they replaced her hip.
Today, what we're going to do is we're going to go in there and put in some plates and some cement, uh, to prevent her from actually breaking her leg doing something maybe as ordinary as just getting up out of a chair.
I'm Dr. Pierce, and this is Elliott Bennett.
Bennett, are you anesthesiologist?
Yes, I'm the anesthesiologist, and this is the Harvard medical student you heard about.
Aha.
Hi.
Good morning.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: I've been taking all these specialties, um, like radiology, pediatrics, medicine and surgery.
Now I'm taking anesthesiology, and I really think it's the field for me.
It's going to feel kind of cool.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: Not only do I find it interesting; it pays well, and it's got a good lifestyle.
Although you get to the hospital very early, you tend to leave earlier.
At this point, take the small needle out.
There's nothing more dramatic and more curative, uh, and more decisive than surgery.
(drill whirring) If I did nothing but stand there and hold the retractor or just stand there and watched I would really find it rewarding.
The harder the bone, the better for her.
(tapping) People who think of medicine like this think that you have to be exceptionally smart to do medicine.
It's really not the case.
What is the case is, you can't be stupid and do medicine.
You can't be a klutz and be a surgeon.
But it you're reasonably well-adept or you're reasonably bright, then you could do either one.
Now remember, this is the one with the lock.
Right.
So we don't want to damage those threads going through there.
So don't use the drill guide.
Don't use the drill guide.
This drill bit will take those threads with it, beyond the shadow of a doubt.
(drill whirs) Okay, let's get the smaller drill bit ready.
Meanwhile, we'll get this... BENNETT-GUERRERO: It's very intense work.
I mean, seriously, you're concentrating every single minute you're in the O.R.
Unlike in medicine or a lot of other things where you spend a lot of time around the hospital just kind of talking to the nurses, having a coffee break.
I mean, when you're in the O.R.
It's true.
even if the patient's supposedly stable, you need to be watching the monitors and... it's like-- you know what it's like?
It's like driving... driving on an icy road for five hours.
Absolutely.
Did a good job, Tom boy.
You are-- I'll tell you, now that we're fourth years, we're... We're what?
we're doing a lot of stuff.
You were great, man.
You know, you got that A-- that PA line and everything like that.
That's really good, those are tough.
What a dream.
Who would've dreamed last year that you'd be closing up and I'd be... Yeah.
you know, able to do the lines.
It's really good.
We've come a long way.
I'll say we have.
Really, well, we've had a lot of help, though.
Where to?
Okay.
Hi, how are you?
Uh, I'm going to be doing a residency in internal medicine at Boston City Hospital, Boston, Massachusetts.
I don't have one?
No, you don't have one.
Thanks.
Not letting you graduate.
My therapist in medical school told me medical training is a marathon.
You just have to keep going, showing up every day.
As soon as you get through one hurdle, there's another one.
Sparrow Hospital, Lansing, Michigan.
Duke.
Thanks a lot.
Congratulations.
A big milestone completed.History.
Finally, I get a job.
This is my first job.
MAN: Jay H. Bonnar.
(applause) At last!
Elliott Bennett-Guerrero.
(applause) This thing's in Latin.
You can't even understand a word of it.
It's going to be wonderful to finally be J. Bonnar, MD, instead of J. Bonnar, the medical student.
Jane M. Liebschutz.
(applause) Now we have a doctor in the family.
JANE: Isn't that fantastic?
Cheryl Lynne Dorsey.
(applause) DORSEY: What my parents paid for.
Here it is.
David Steven Friedman.
(applause) Thank you.
I'm going to miss... being so much a part of, you know, this Harvard medical student experience, and, um...
I'm going to miss all of it.
Doctor of Medicine: ad gradum Medicinae Doctoris.
DOCTOR: Good morning, doctors.
(laughter) Doesn't that sound good?
This is everybody's congregating before we all go off to our respective jobs.
I didn't bring a stethoscope.
I didn't bring anything.
FRIEDMAN: My girlfriend gave me a button, "Dr. Dave," and that's what I feel like, you know, Dr. Dave, nothing more really.
(distant sirens wailing) WOMAN: We're the two residents in the coronary care unit.
Where I'm probably going to spend the night.
Where you're probably.... where you're definitely going to spend the night.
It's the first time where I feel like I have a responsibility, and if I don't do something well, I could cause my patient harm, and that would be the worst thing one could do.
This gentleman, unfortunately, is a victim of a beating over in South Boston that came in and, uh... LIEBSCHUTZ: I'm on call tonight in the emergency room, so I'm going to be up all night.
Mr. Lasser?
Mr. Lasser?
Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Dr. Liebschutz.
How are you feeling?
Uh, I'll be feeling all right if you untie me.
Where are you, sir?
Boston City Hospital.
Why-why-- what brought you in here?
I think people talk a lot about how stressful it is to work here.
I've had a lot of sort of late-night discussions with nurses mostly, about, um, how difficult it is to work in a municipal hospital with fewer and fewer resources and patients who are extremely needy.
All right, I've got a lot of blood here, so we won't need any more.
Sometimes I'll dream that I have AIDS, or I'll dream that I have cancer.
I'll dream that I have, you know, some horrible disease.
When I was in medical school, I think that...
I used to think I had all of these diseases, like consciously, when I was awake, I'd be worried that I had this horrible thing or that horrible thing.
And I think as an intern, I don't-- I'm very conscious of how healthy I am, compared to my patients.
I'm conscious of the fact that I don't abuse myself or my body.
Well, I mean, being an intern, you abuse yourself because you're... (woman screaming) (indistinct shouting and screaming) WOMAN: I'll get up, I will get up.
Shh...!
I'm going to get up.
This is a young lady who was found outside a... what they call a "shooting gallery," which is where people shoot intravenous drugs.
I can't breathe this way!
Shh...!
You'll be okay.
You'll be okay.
You're going to be-- you're going to be fine.
I cannot breathe this way.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I feel so burnt out right now.
Put my nose to the air, baby.
...that the idea of staying in a dysfunctional hospital like this Shh...!
for, you know, years on end is really not appealing.
Did you have some crack?
Yes, I did.
Okay.
But this is what I've been drawn to, always.
I'm one of the doctors here.
Okay?
WOMAN: Doctor, help me.
I'm going to help you.
I'm going to help you, okay.
Now, I need you to...
I have to go to the bathroom.
You have to go number two?
I have to go number two.
Okay.
I promise...
Okay, if you have to go just go.
If you have to go, just let it go.
I'll clean you up.
I promise you.
I promise you.
If you have to go you, just-- if you have to go... All I can say is that I hope life after internship is nothing like life during internship, because this is not why I became a doctor, and I really am not very happy.
Uh, and it's no one thing in particular, it's just being underpaid labor, spending very little time taking real care of patients, doing everything and anything that's necessary because I'm, you know, the bottom line.
I'm Tom Tarter.
I'm a board-certified emergency physician.
Hi.
I'm Dr. Luanda Grazette, and I'm a cardiologist.
Dr. David Friedman, ophthalmologist and public health researcher.
I'm Dr. Jane Liebschutz.
I'm an internal medicine, primary care, and preventive medicine physician.
Dr. Elliott Bennett-Guerrero, anesthesiologist and clinical trialist.
I'm Cheryl Dorsey.
I was trained as a pediatrician at Harvard Medical School.
I'm Jay Bonnar, and I'm a psychiatrist.
(marching band playing Harvard fight song) Jay H. Bonnar.
(applause) At last.
Elliott Bennett-Guerrero.
(applause) This thing's in Latin.
You can't even understand a word of it.
Doctor of Medicine: ad gradum Medicinae Doctoris.
Now we have a doctor in the family.
DORSEY: What my parents paid for.
Here it is.
David Steven Friedman.
(applause) Today you stand before us, ready to become a physician.
ALL: I will hold in confidence all that my patients entrust to me...
It's not over, exactly.
There's still a lot to come.
...I will try to promote honor within the medical profession.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: I'm very nervous about starting internship, but I feel ready to make the jump.
GRAZETTE: I expect I'll look back on and say, "Boy, my internship years, oh, they were so wonderful," but while I'm living through it I think it'll be hell just like Pedro said.
Hell, hell and then more hell.
Good morning, Doctors.
Doesn't that sound good?
Welcome to the Deaconess.
FRIEDMAN: Today is the first day, this is-- everybody's congregating before we all go off to our respective jobs.
I didn't bring a stethoscope.
I didn't bring anything.
FRIEDMAN: My girlfriend gave me a button, "Dr. Dave," and that's what I feel like, you know, Dr. Dave, nothing more really.
(distant siren wailing, heart monitor beeping) WOMAN: We're the two residents in the coronary care unit.
Where I'm probably going to spend the night.
Where you're probably-- where you're definitely going to spend the night.
It's a first time where I feel like I have a responsibility, and if I don't do something well, I could cause my patient harm, and that would be the worst thing one could do.
...we're going to treat you for a heart attack.
I'm sure there are certain things we do every day that have negative side effects.
And now I'm going to be the one doing those things, and I'll cause negative side effects to people.
So that-- but that's part of what you have to do to treat somebody.
But that's a hard thing to live with.
TARTER: The first few months of internship are very very difficult.
Uh, you're constantly in a panic, you're afraid you're going to do something wrong.
(gasping) How are you feeling?
Bad?
In terms of medicine, I came out of medical school knowing nothing.
If she's over 130, I probably want to hydrate her more.
You think we could turn down her W tracts a little bit?
People say, "This is your doctor," and you are the patient's doctor.
You shouldn't be, but you are.
And this person is going to, you know, tell you all the things that should lead you to understand their disease, but you really don't have a prayer of making heads or tails of it.
Are you having trouble breathing?
No.
TARTER: They might as well be telling somebody next to them in the subway or something.
These are the worst blood gases I've ever seen.
I never saw a living person with gases that bad.
Yikes.
GRAZETTE: Learning to be a doctor is an apprenticeship.
Hi.
Hi.
You will give them a large number of man hours to take care of their patients at low cost, and in return, they will teach you how to be a doctor.
We'll run rounds today, Mm-hmm.
and we will use the rest of the morning to catch up.
Okay.
How long have you been on the iron?
For the last-- about a month or so.
Okay.
It all seems really cumbersome right now.
And it's like all these patients and they all have multiple problems and they're going for tests and results are coming back from tests.
And you're making treatment decisions based on a test and sort of keeping it all straight.
Um, who got what when and how, what they need next is-- can be kind of mind-boggling.
It's a lot of information to keep track of.
She's a 77-year-old lady with a history of many MIs, who's admitted with a chief complaint of abdominal pain.
She had deep ST depressions in the anterior leads.
Got a KUB, and with the TNG, her blood pressure dropped a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
Hopefully in a week, I'll sort of have my system together.
And that's what I'm really working on tonight, trying to figure out what's going to be a good system for me that will keep me from going back to the chart three times to see if I checked X and did Y, and so forth.
BONNAR: Right now it's January, and I'm in ward medicine, which, uh, means that I take care of patients admitted to the hospital with basically any problem that doesn't require their being on a surgical service.
It is the rotation which is, at this hospital, one of the most difficult ones in terms of the workload.
I've gotten to a point where, you know, it's not that I don't care about patients, but that the fact that I care about patients becomes less important than the fact that I am absolutely strung out and absolutely can no longer think anymore.
Uh-oh.
Um, will you call a nurse?
What's the matter?
She's starting to move.
And I, I forget simple, basic things.
You know, that I've, you know-- people will remind me, "You didn't do this thing on this patient," and I'll be like, "Oh," You know, "Jesus, I can't-- I can't believe I forgot that."
And, uh, you know, that happens a lot.
Jay doesn't really have very much time to do anything anymore.
Um, he doesn't really read.
He doesn't really get to go out too much.
He's really, I mean, he's, he's so exhausted.
He's actually a pretty hyper person, um, generally by nature.
And then to see him so worn-out, um, just sort of a shell-- I mean, what I get is... is lousy.
The best part of him, you know, goes away early in the morning and for the whole day.
And then when he comes home, what do I have?
Well, you know, he's this tired, grouchy thing.
I came in four hours ago.
So far, I have, um... admitted one patient with fever, probable sepsis; done a Lombard puncture, subsequently disimpacted that patient, which is great fun.
What that means is to take all the stool out of that person's rectum by... by hand.
Um...
I have visited all my own patients in the hospital, wrote notes on several of them, checked their labs, drawn some blood tests on patients that needed them to be done, and I've just now wheeled up my second admission for the night and will be gong shortly to examine her.
I'm taking a short food break because I'm getting a little hypoglycemic here.
PATIENT: It started out in the back of my leg, this was in September.
I had the operation.
Now, the front of my leg from here down is numb and every time I take a shower, it-- my whole leg gets numb.
Uh, so, when you shower, you take your clothes off?
Well, I don't take a shower with my clothes on.
Of course I do.
Okay.
I'd like to ask you what exactly it is that you feel and then come to a... My leg is numb!
What else can I say to you?
That's fine.
It may interest you to know that different people mean different things by that, by that phrase.
My leg, from here to the tip of my toe, is numb.
I appreciate that this is something that has you very concerned...
I came into medical training, uh, I think, one of the more sensitive people in the field.
I'm going into psychiatry.
I mean, my whole emphasis is on the emotional and understanding the mental aspects of medicine.
And yet, for all of that interest on my part, I cannot help but, uh... but become this person that-- that I don't particularly like even.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: Right now, I'm at the Framingham Union Hospital, which is outside of Boston.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: Mrs. Carney?
MRS. CARNEY: Mm-hmm.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: Hi.
How are you?
Good.
I have a list of the medicines you've been taking.
Have you been taking...
It's quite a list, yeah.
Yeah.
The Cimedidine and... Yeah.
Lopressor... and the, uh, Micronase.
Right.
Procardia, Lasix.
I often wonder if they know which... in which direction to go.
You think they're giving you pills that are... send you off in different directions?
I wish they'd send me off.
(crying) He's not walking for me.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: Well, right now, I'm six months into my internship, and I say I'm gradually just getting more and more tired.
I think in part because, you know, I never really get a free weekend the whole year.
MELISSA: Being married your first year is difficult enough in itself without having your husband work 80 and 90 hours a week, and-and then come home and be exhausted.
It's very sad.
It's very hard.
I'm very lonely.
Half the year, I'm on call every third night.
And I think what she's realizing is that not only does she not see me when I'm on call the one out of three nights, but the other two nights-- especially the night when I'm post call-- sometimes I go home, and I'm just exhausted.
Mr. Rogers, I'm taking you into the operating room now, okay?
Okay.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: If you're a very, very needy person, and you always need a lot of attention and support from your spouse, you're probably not going to be happy being married to a doctor.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I've decided to work in internal medicine at Boston City Hospital.
One of the best features of this residency training program is that we can do home visits.
Mr. Nei has two major problems that I'm worried about.
One is, difficulty breathing from his heart and his lungs.
And the other major problem is his depression.
Nothing better than dying because I lost my best friend, my wife.
Nobody cares for me.
Nobody cares for you?
No.
LIEBSCHUTZ: It's a challenge, and I... You know, trying to kind of find a way in to him, make a relationship with him to help him.
You talked about suicide.
Are you thinking of doing that?
N...
I... No, I can't do it.
Why not?
I have no pistol.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I went back a couple of days later to bring him some antidepressant medicine, and he was having a lot of difficulty breathing.
And so, I called his son, when his son got home, and I told him to bring him in to the emergency room.
(both speaking Mandarin) No use.
No use.
Suppose I am getting well?
Yeah?
What use?
Well, you know what?
We're going to... We're going to work on that.
You have a lot of use.
Nobody needs me.
It makes me happy to come see you.
Don't waste your time.
I'm not wasting my time.
(violin and piano playing "Ave Maria") LIEBSCHUTZ: Mr. Nei looked to death as a solace, as a time when he could meet his maker and his wife.
However, he greatly feared becoming disabled and losing his independence in that process towards death.
In spite of my sadness now, (voice breaking): his spirit is with me strongly and will be so.
(sighs) I realize that it is somewhat unusual for a doctor to have this type of relationship with a patient.
But Mr. Nei Xu Ping was not just any patient or any man.
Mr. Nei's name actually means "autumn peace," and I hope that he's achieved it.
(distant sirens blaring) I'm Dr. Grazette.Yes?
I'm one of the doctors up on Ellis and 11.
And I understand you're going to come and spend a day with us at least.
Yes.
Maybe a little longer.
How are you feeling?
I don't feel too good.
I feel very, very weak.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, tired.
Mm-hmm.
GRAZETTE: Uh, Mr. Rizza-- he came in for, uh, heart failure.
He's been in and out of failure for quite some time now, and he had problems with his lungs, as well.
Have you had any fevers?
Nope.
I don't think so.
Okay.
I didn't feel any.
Mm-hmm.
GRAZETTE: It was quite clear that things weren't getting any better, and that they were actually, um, getting worse.
That's my... That's your pacer?
Yeah.
Okay.
Is your belly usually this big?
No.
Okay.
Is that tender when I press on it like that?
No.
Your hands are cold.
My hands are cold.
Warm heart.
(laughs) GRAZETTE: I remember him as being very, very sweet, and being much more concerned about how his family was doing and how the nursing staff was doing, much more so than he was concerned about how he himself was doing.
Okay.
I'm trying.
GRAZETTE: I mean, it was sad.
It was sad when Mr. Rizza died.
He was a very sweet old gentleman, and I was sorry to see him go, but...
I don't have any expectation that people should live forever.
Um, I don't...
I...
I'm not, you're not, nobody is.
And at a certain point, I see, um.... our job and the job of the nurses and sort of everybody involved to help people have the most painless, um, graceful death possible.
He's... No, I think he's okay.
He should have plenty of room.
DORSEY: I've decided to postpone my internship and residency training in pediatrics in order to start up a mobile outreach unit serving inner-city Boston.
(people singing in foreign language and playing drums) I think that's fine, Chica.
We'll have to anchor this side now.
DORSEY: I sort of always knew that I wanted to work with the minority community.
(singing in foreign language and playing drums) (song ends) (applause and cheering) DORSEY: There you go.
Okay, little guy.
Hang on with me.
Hang on.
Look at that guy.
DORSEY: After the family van, I left Boston and came to Children's National Medical Center for my three-year pediatric residency.
Seven-and-three-quarters.
He's a good size, good-sized little boy.
For a long time, I was torn between the idea of a medical career versus an academic career, so I enrolled in a PhD program in history at the University of Pennsylvania.
My mother thinks I'm ridiculous.
She thinks I'm nuts.
DELORES: We went through being the majorette, we did the ballet.
I think we both had to laugh to see this little fat thing (laughing): in her little tutu, bouncing around.
That was so funny.
Everything that came up, she wanted to try, and we were suckers for it.
Mm-hmm.
And-and we just let her try everything that she was interested in.
BONNAR: Being a psychiatrist is a wonderful career.
So, here we are.
Here's my office.
(sniffles) Let's see, what have we got?
We've got the chairs for psychotherapy, face-to-face, and the sofa for psychoanalysis.
This is where I see my patients.
Actually, it's embarrassing to go back and watch the old, uh, tape, as I recently did.
I'm just struck by how full of myself I seemed.
I was a young and vain boy 13 years ago.
(turn signal clicking) (engine revving) I'm still vain, but less young.
Having been married, and then having the experience of that falling apart and, uh, getting divorced has been enormously impacting on who I am and how I feel about myself and about other people, about stability, connectedness.
So here we are in my apartment.
And, um, this is a painting by Ayae, who had a show at the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute, which is where I saw it first and fell in love with it, and subsequently with the painter.
AYAE: We sort of got to know each other through communicating about this particular piece, because he was interested in it, and, um, it was very refreshing for me to hear insight from, you know, someone who's outside of art world.
His insight from his experience was very... very, um, inspirational for me, actually.
BONNAR: This is as deep an exploration of the mind as my work.
BONNAR: I've decided to become a psychoanalyst, and that means that, amongst other things, I participate in psychoanalysis myself.
So, for the past three years, I've driven across town to see my analyst four times a week.
Like most people in analysis, I'm hoping that what I get out of it is that I'll be happier.
I hope for relationships that are more stable.
I hope for, uh, greater satisfaction in my work, and with myself as a person.
I have a number of different facets to my career currently.
Mostly, I work in private practice and see patients, for the majority, in psychotherapy.
I really enjoy the teaching that I do, which is increasingly a part of my work now.
And I'm very happy to be in a part of my career where I can do that.
It's a lot of fun.
I really enjoy it.
We've been talking today about parallels between patient therapeutic process and our own process, and I think one of the ways in which that's true is around self-forgiveness.
As is true for many people going into intensive therapy, there's a painful moment of realization when you understand that you're still going to be yourself when you come out of it, because I, like many people, I think, had a fantasy, that I was going to be a new person, a different person.
And I think that, uh, coming to acceptance of that, coming to acceptance that, um, I am still the person I am and I still have so many of the... uh, frailties and, uh, hang-ups that I've always had, and it's... you know, life remains a challenge.
All I can say about the question of whether I would do it again is, I'm glad I don't have to consider that.
I mean, one can't live one's life over.
It's just not done, um, so I am here.
And, um, it's a better place than where I've been, and I'm glad I don't have to do it again.
Divorced.
Another casualty.
Yeah...
I don't blame medicine for it.
I think the marriage probably would have ended in divorce anyway.
If anything, I think being in medicine perhaps prolonged it because I wasn't spending a lot of time, uh, with my wife, so we weren't able to address problems as rapidly as we probably would have if I had more time and wasn't doing a residency.
This is Karen.
Uh, the third in the series.
And, uh... well, uh, we met about a year ago.
Year and a half.
Almost a year and a half.
Oh, year and a half.
Time flies when you're having fun.
Mm-hmm.
KAREN: It wasn't long before we knew that we were destined to be together.
I think we're done.
I think we're adults.
KAREN: The intelligence-- the brilliance-- is a real turn-on.
I can't get enough of it.
TARTER: It's the beginning of the morning.
It's 11:30.
And we're just coming to work.
WOMAN: But it's Sarah, and she slit her wrist.
Not... not side to side, but up and down.
TARTER: I love emergency medicine 'cause it's very exciting.
I get to go from case to case.
I get to help each person through a moment of crisis.
It's very instant gratification, you know.
Uh, it's definitely the kind of medicine that, uh, the TV dinner/microwave generation can appreciate.
This is what I do-- I like it.
I like working weekends and nights and all that stuff.
I got to go.
I'm going back, see what goes on.
Here's the scoop: 35-year-old female found along the side of the roadway, fallen from a vehicle due to a faulty door, approximately 40 to 45 miles an hour.
Hi, ma'am, I'm Dr Tarter.
How are you?
Can you hear me?
TARTER: In my years of practice now, I've seen all the ranges of extreme tragedy, extreme joy.
They say she was knocked out.
TARTER: I can't think of anything that's grounded me so much in my life as being a doctor.
I'm Dr. Tarter-- nice to meet you.
It looks like you got some swelling here.
Has anybody ever figured out what this swelling's from?
Uh, I've got, uh... (stammering): ci... What have you got?
Uh, ci... uh... TARTER: Cirrhosis?
When was your last drink?
About two... two hours ago.
How much do you drink a day?
Do you drink a couple of six-packs a day?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
TARTER: Since I've started working in the emergency department, I have never seen anything come close to alcohol as a cause of injury and death.
Not cancer, not gun violence, nothing.
There's a little ethanol going on, so we're not exactly clear on how it happened, but that's as good as we can figure.
TARTER: I've seen people come in... their skin is the color of a Chiquita banana, and you take one look at them and you know that they have absolutely no liver left.
And they kill themselves with alcohol.
Perfectly legally, too.
Car accidents, where people are busted up into all kinds of pieces that you wouldn't even want to think about, because someone was drunk and driving.
And, uh, that just blows my mind.
'Cause I've seen nothing make as much misery as alcohol.
The nice thing about working here in Bloomington... in bigger cities, um, in the emergency department, you don't get to know your patients and stuff, but I...
I see my patients here around town.
People go, "Hi, Doc.
Thanks for taking care of me, blah, blah, blah."
And that's real nice.
It really is.
It's very nice.
Living room.
This is my office.
(crickets chirping) I didn't have this in medical school.
And that's all, uh, national forest out there.
That's Hoosier National Forest.
So, this is going to be here for a long time, and so am I.
(chuckles) Yep.
FRIEDMAN: Ophthalmology is one of the fields where you really feel that you made a concrete difference for your patients.
It's an immediate gratification as a surgeon to be able to do this for somebody.
How you doing, Mr. Weber?
Do me a favor.
Yeah?
Call me Hank.
Okay.
Everybody else does.
Mr. Weber was my father.
I'm going to give him an injection to numb his eye behind the eye.
It's a big needle.
You don't put it all the way in, but it goes back, uh, into the space behind the eye.
FRIEDMAN: I remember the first few times when I, uh, had to cut on the eye.
And I'd make these little scratches.
Like, I'd barely touch it, and the guy with me would be like, "Cut deeper!"
And I'd be, you know, scratching down, 'cause you're... you're cutting into the eyeball.
You're cutting into an eyeball.
It's incredible.
I feel like I've really stepped into a great situation.
I'm particularly lucky.
Ready, guys?
Oh!
FRIEDMAN: It's a long haul, and I'm very happy, 'cause I enjoyed the whole process and I made it here in good shape.
But I think a lot of people, it's really a long, grueling process, and in the end, a lot of physicians aren't totally happy with what they do.
Whoa!
Where does that go?
All the gray ones, those are quarters and nickels and dimes.
Oh, it goes in there.
You're right.
All the gray... You're right.
FRIEDMAN: My wife's a librarian, but she's only working part-time right now so she can spend more time with our kids.
I, uh, I used to, you know, bring work home.
I'd wait and wait to get the kids to sleep so I could do my work, and then I decided I'd just go in very early in the mornings and get the extra work done I needed done.
And when I came home, I was done, and I was just here for the family.
Because, when he was waiting to work later in the evening, then that was the time that he and I would have had.
So, there was none... there was none.
FRIEDMAN: So, now I sleep less.
(David laughing) Now he goes to work at 6:00 in the morning, and I... doesn't affect my schedule.
FRIEDMAN: Oh!
No sweeping.
FRIEDMAN: You go through this phase of learning as you move up and you have people working for you, how to manage them, and suddenly you apply those skills in the wrong places.
Like, I would act like, you know, "How come you haven't finished the tasks I set aside for you at home?"
And you can't be like that with somebody that you're married to.
You can't treat people that way.
You just keep getting it past that goalie.
FRIEDMAN: And if it doesn't get done, you can't get angry that it didn't get done.
You can't manage your friends, you can't manage your spouse.
You have to still just be those things to them, you know.
No!
(chuckling) Hope it gets lost.
FRIEDMAN: This is the Hopkins Dome, which is one of the really beautiful old buildings at Johns Hopkins.
And, uh, this is just an amazing statue.
It draws people all the time.
It's a real energy point for a lot of people undergoing serious illnesses here.
And then they have... on the sides, they keep these... these books, and, you know, people will write, uh... "Dear Heavenly Father, please guide us and direct us as to the right decisions to make for our precious little baby."
Uh, it's just... these books are... are loaded with human life and emotion, and, uh, it's just a... it's a fantastic space.
As you move up, you get more and more responsibility.
You have a series of hats that you wear, and each of them, you want to do properly.
How are you?
Good, how are you?
FRIEDMAN: Miss Bossler came to me about four or five years ago, and she only had one eye.
BOSSLER: I was insured up until I got divorced.
And then that was part of the divorce settlement, I guess.
My children are insured, and I'm not.
So, we've always had to have a little bit of a... a deal going.
Your deal is outside.
My deal's outside.
I get cookies, and she... she gets a discounted, uh, fee.
All right.
(laughs) FRIEDMAN: Health care and health insurance is... either you believe it's a right of everyone, and it's a way to level the playing field and guarantee even the most down-and-out and sad cases should be given the best health care they can get, or you don't.
And if you believe they should, then it's not a business model, 'cause if you take care of those people, uh, you're going to lose money on them.
And so, it's an insurance pool where we all agree that we're taxed to help everybody.
Now I have almost, like, five different jobs that I do.
I'm a clinician, and I take care of patients.
I have my research effort here.
Last year, I probably published 20 manuscripts.
I teach.
Uh, part of my salary is paid for by a nonprofit, and I travel overseas for them, and I help them with eye care development projects.
(speaking Mandarin) FRIEDMAN: 162 million people are felt to have low vision because they don't have glasses, and that's the only reason they walk around with bad vision.
And so, how do you fix that problem?
How do you get glasses to people effectively, efficiently and cheaply?
What we're trying to do is develop a pair of glasses that are very simple.
Somebody could carry them in a backpack, test vision quickly, and then you would just try them on, take that pair and walk away.
And if you can do that in a poor village in rural China, suddenly, you have a distribution system.
A lot of these people are so poor and so remote that if we could develop this easy distribution system, it would almost be the only way they could get glasses.
Once my children grow up, I really...
I plan on, or I hope I will, maybe help found a hospital or work in an area to help their eye care and really live there and do the work.
And that would, you know, make a huge impact on a whole group of people all at once, you know.
You could do that in your older years.
I think the thing that really strikes me as I get older is how alone we are at some level.
Like, I have these great relationships with friends, and I have great relationships with my patients, and, you know, my kids, but at some level, you know, you try to create these intimate relationships, but ultimately I start realizing you feel a little more alone.
And I think, to me, that's the one realization that's, that's been a little hard as I age.
LIEBSCHUTZ: Is Roger here yet?
I think I, He is?
I saw him coming in, yeah.
Roger and I met at the synagogue.
Wow, look at Eli!
I cannot tell you how happy I am to have a stepson.
I love Eli, and I just feel like I've wanted a family for so long and now I have one.
I love you.
You are consecrated to me, according to the sacred custom... LIEBSCHUTZ: The thing I like about Roger is that he grounds me and he's very connected and-- to his home and family and sort of pulls me into reality from my work and my life out and always out of the house and he brings me back home.
And so... and I feel very connected to him.
(sniffles) And I love him, so.
Mazel tov!
ALL: Mazel tov!
(all cheering) (siren wailing) So, como esta?
No esta en el hospital?
LIEBSCHUTZ: I'm not surprised that I'm still at the same hospital where I did my internship and residency.
I'm one of the doctors here.
Okay.
I'm going to help you.
Did you do some crack?
Yes, I did.
LIEBSCHUTZ: I've always wanted to do what I'm doing, which is working with urban, poor, underserved patients.
I can't breathe this way!
You'll be okay.
I'm going to help you.
I'm going to help you, okay?
Now, I need you to... (siren wailing) LIEBSCHUTZ: In the population that I work with, 80% have had severe trauma in their lives at least once, and most of the people who've had trauma have had multiple traumas in their life.
One out of every seven patients in our practice had a family member die by violent means-- suicide, murder.
One of the biggest challenges to being a primary care doctor is that, you know, it's not well-compensated for the work that we do, which I find incredible.
Como esta?
Un poquito... mejor.
Mejor?!
Over and over the evidence is that if patients have good primary care, they're less likely to use expensive procedures.
They're less likely to... sort of use the emergency room, et cetera.
And so, why don't we compensate doctors who do primary care more and attract more people into the field?
Uh, people are leaving the field.
It's, it's burdensome.
Tal vez por los pies?
No.
Los ojos?
Ah, ya!
Los ojos.
Okay.
Es los ojos.
Venga conmigo.
I don't know why there's so many divorces in doctors.
I mean, maybe it's that relationships are a lot harder than this profession.
My husband says to me, "Now remember, I'm not one of your interns," because you get into this mode of giving orders and being in charge and... and it's really different in a relationship.
(toy rattling) Sorry.
Maya, that's really, really noisy.
You know, I have a really demanding job, which requires me to, you know, stay late, work hard, work-- often I'm on the computer from 10:00 till midnight.
Why?
Abigail, we're all done with that toy.
And so the burden falls much more to Roger, you know, for picking up the kids at day care, dropping off.
How about the ones over here?
(girl giggling) My three year-old sometimes says, "I want to be a mommy, and a doctor."
And, you know, I have mixed feelings about it, knowing how hard it was for me and how strenuous it is and how much, you know, you sacrifice.
On the other hand, it's just an incredible gift being a physician, and so, you know, if that's her path, I'll support her on it.
High five?
(laughing) GRAZETTE: I work for a pharmaceutical company called Amgen, I'm one of a small handful of cardiologists there.
I have always been interested in science and was doing, actually, quite a bit of research as a cardiologist at Mass General, and had been primarily focused on how drugs, when they don't work or when there are unexpected side effects, what the impact is on the heart.
But in my current position, instead of being in a lab with a couple of other people helping me and a few pieces of equipment studying a problem, there's enormous resources and lots of expertise to think about these same sorts of issues.
So, the impact is huge compared to the... the type of impact that I could have on the process as a bench scientist, although that was a heck of a lot of fun, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
This seemed to be an option that I could take and make sure that I would have a well-funded retirement and not be in the cath lab until I'm 80.
I definitely did not anticipate liking California.
It was kind of a necessary part of taking the job, but it's really pleasant to, to live here.
I do miss patient care.
That is the one area that's unresolved for me.
You did a good job, both of you.
Thank you.
(laughing): All right.
GRAZETTE: Direct patient care and interacting with patients and participating in their lives is a privilege, and I enjoyed it a great deal.
It's always sort of like a few of my patients where my mind sort of drifts back to.
Hmm... You know, maybe, hmm... Maybe that's what I should be doing.
Now, we're all locked up, huh?
(alarm blaring) Great.
Unbelievable.
My third marriage, uh, did not work out.
It was probably just a very poorly advised thing, uh, for the two of us to get married to start with.
When I first started at Bloomington, I thought things were great; it seemed like, uh, the staff really liked me, the patients loved me.
Hi, ma'am, I'm Dr. Tarter.
How are you?
I felt like I was doing a really good job, and, uh, I think I did deliver excellent patient care.
The problem was, we...
I seemed to have a slightly different model of health care delivery than the people that ran the place.
My charts were habitually late because I was habitually spending more time with patients.
You broke one of your ribs, okay... Something had to give, and of course it wasn't going to be the corporation, it was going to be me.
So they terminated my contract without prejudice.
I didn't actually get fired, I just didn't get my contract renewed.
People will look at me by my tattoos, by the way I wear my hair, by the way I may speak, and they'll rush to judge me by that.
But by the same token, these people have access to my CV, they see that I graduated Harvard.
I've been working for 15 years as a board-certified high-trauma high-volume emergency doctor, I've never been sued, never been named in a case.
It's just me.
You know, sleepy man, I looked at your schedule and...
I have no days off.
...you are stuck up there because of those extra days until about the middle of June.
TARTER: Currently I'm taking planes, working anywhere from Seattle, Washington, to St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, just to find work.
Love you.
Love you.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
I love you.
Have a nice flight.
JENNIFER: You know, if I could, I'd go with him everywhere he goes.
But that's not very feasible.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Okay, everybody, see that your seatbelts are fastened... TARTER: It's hell being away from my family.
I don't know what I'm going to do about this.
I'm trying to get a job closer to home, but I just can't find a job locally.
Time to get a room.
(car door alarm beeping) Quiet, you.
(sighing) This is where I live.
Oh...
It's not quite as big as my house in Indiana, but it has a bed and a TV.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: I spend about two days a week working in the operating room, and then I spend the rest of my time working here at Duke Clinical Research Institute, which is part of Duke University, and it's a place where we are involved in coordinating big, multi-center, clinical trials.
I'm interested in rupturing the abnormal cells.
BENNETT-GUERRERO: I love research, but I think it's really nice to take care of patients and stay connected with that part of medicine.
My temperament is well-suited for anesthesiology.
I'm really very compulsive.
I'm a real worrier.
And I hate it, I really hate it, if I'm working with a trainee, and I don't get the sense that they're really anxious, that they're really, you know, on edge, waiting for something bad to happen, because that's really, I think, part of doing a good job.
All the medical students are very interested in continuity of care and specialties where you get to know patients over many weeks or months or years.
So, do you have any last-minute questions?
No.
I think I'm good.
Okay.
We're going to take real good care of you.
You know, it's really a double-edged sword.
With continuity of care, yes, you get that special relationship with the patient and a family member.
On the other hand, there are obligations with that.
Let us know if anything bothers you, okay?
BENNETT-GUERRERO: And so, if you're trying to leave the hospital at 6:00 to go to your son's baseball game, and your patient has deteriorated and has gotten very sick, you know, there's a strong sense of obligation and guilt, you know, about, well, should you do something with your son, or should you stay in the hospital and deal with the patient who's sick?
I play with my left hand.
I mean, I know I have a lot more balanced outlook of life now than I did.
Part of that's maturity, but also part of that's just not having to work 90 hours a week anymore.
It makes it a lot easier to have a family and have interests outside of medicine.
Okay.
Oh, I hit it thin, but...
But it's on the green.
They say, you know, thin to win.
I thought it would be nice for him to have a hobby and go meet people.
Mama, ball.
But... Ball.
...then it took over.
(laughs) Muy bien, mijito.
(mumbles) KARIN: I always knew I wanted to have children and stay home with them, so, I just feel really lucky that I have a husband who does get up and go to a job and doesn't care if I work or not.
Muy bien, mijito.
I think, uh, I got kind of lucky in that way, because I don't think I was always of that mindset.
Really?
Well, since you met me, you were.
Yeah.
What I'm just saying is that I think it-it...
I think that I, like many, many other people was thinking, "Oh, you know, I'm more likely to maybe get along "with somebody who's a doctor or somebody in my same field, "because they can understand what I'm going through, and I can understand what they're going through."
I mean, I think that's a very pervasive, uh, thing that a lot of people think about.
Um, but in retrospect, you know, I think the reality of it is that it's really nice having somebody who kind of can focus on the kids and the home, um, so at times, when I'm working very hard, you know, I can focus on my job.
Yes, why don't you do that?
And you know how to get there.
The reception is going to be back up town a bit... DORSEY: I now serve as president of Echoing Green, a non-profit organization.
(siren wailing) As the president of Echoing Green, uh, my job, mainly, is to be a spokesperson for the organization and to fundraise for the organization.
I mean, that requires a lot of schmoozing.
I'm glad I saw you.
I've been traveling, but I'm back now.
DORSEY: A lot of public appearances.
I have to say I think I'm sort of the bad investment from Harvard Medical School, 'cause I'm the only one who's not practicing medicine.
DORSEY: As a pediatrician in a large tertiary care hospital, one of my great frustrations was, you'd see a kid in the emergency room, and you might patch him or her up, but you'd send them out back to the same circumstances that led him or her to the emergency room in the first place.
And there was a great sense that you could really actually change that child's life by working on, you know, a broken education system, or a broken socioeconomic system in that particular neighborhood.
And I thought I could do that better outside of a medical setting than I could within one.
Three weeks ago, my friend, Donna Maria, used this bucket to draw water from a shallow well in her Bolivian village.
I founded Terra because humanitarian aid is failing to help rural and impoverished Bolivian communities develop vital drinking and irrigation water.
DORSEY: Echoing Green is not in the business of charity.
It's in the business of change.
And the whole idea that these people are digging deep to the root causes of these tough social problems and not putting a Band-Aid on these problems, but actually trying to dismantle the structures that keep poverty in place and education inequity in place-- that's how you get to change.
That's the only way you can do it.
(applause and cheering) Hey, boo.
Hi Jos, how are you?
How's my good girl?
All right, you want your dinner?
You want your chicken?
(barking) I know.
We do want our chicken.
DORSEY: The issue of work-life balance, um, again is not unique to medicine.
You know, the work I do now, I actually don't have a work-life balance.
I work all the time, but, you know, it's been a labor of love for me, and I couldn't imagine doing anything else, and I get such joy out of the work that I do, um, that I happily put in those hours.
But, um, I would say it's to the detriment of my personal life.
I mean, I essentially work, um, and that's what I do, and that's who I have come to be defined as.
And I think that's a problem.
It's Ramon.
Hi, Josie.
You want to go see Josie?
DORSEY: I think it would have been easier if I had a family, because that's sort of the pull that gets you out of the office, and it stops you from checking that e-mail at 1:00 in the morning.
I haven't quite cracked that code yet.
(laughs) Hi there, sir.
I'm Dr. Tarter.
Feeling kind of awful, huh?
Yeah.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
What happened?
You woke up... TARTER: If I knew what I know now about emergency medicine, you bet I'd do it all over again.
I love emergency medicine.
I love it.
I wouldn't want to do anything else.
Can you make it?
It's okay.
I'll go slow.
TARTER: No matter what's wrong, I know that when somebody walks in to my emergency department, I can give them their best shot at getting better, no matter what it is.
And that feels really good, to be able to offer that to somebody.
It really does.
To be able to say, "You're going to be okay."
"We're going to take care of you, and you're going to be all right."
That's great.
I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org This NOVA program is available on DVD.
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